EPISODE NUMBER: 8079 (April 3, 2012)
GUESTS: Nikki Haley | Trevor Potter
SEGMENTS: Colbert Super PAC – Super Fun Pack Not-Legal Advice & Certificate of Presidenthood | Colbert Super PAC SHH! – 501c4 Disclosure | Rick Santorum Speaks from His Heart – California Colleges
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Light blue tie
VIDEOS: April 3, 2012
What else does Santorum have up his ass? Maybe his last name. I can’t understand how he is still in the race. It really should’ve been wrapped up by now, but at least it provides some good material for Stephen and Jon and their writers.First he claims that if you are going to college, you are a snob, now he’s picking on colleges for not teaching history? Rick, it’s time to take a nap.
The Best Quotes:
“With a greeting like that, you would make me drunk with power, if I weren’t already high on life.”
The Colbology:
“I Stephen Colbert apologize to any of my transgender bovine viewers that may have been offended”
“Let’s not pigeonhole, or care what pigeons do with their holes, please no letters.”
The Super PAC SHH:
“You will receive this official certificate of Presidenthood, personally signed by me and my political advisor, Ham Rove, It could be the most valuable certificate you’ll receive in college”
“I want to talk about my even more secretive super PAC, Colbert Super PAC SHH, so named because it can raise shhhh*tloads of money”
“Now critics say groups like mine are unregistered money guns shooting up the election with untraceable slush funds, to which I say, UH-HUH”
“Just this Friday a district court judge said that all 501c4’s have to disclose their donors. WHY? Sperm banks don’t. Some do? Oh I have a ton of phone calls to make.”
“You’re going to jail and they’re going to eat you alive. Probably with some brown sugar and mustard.”
The Five things that Trevor Potter will say on The “Trevor, may I” button:
“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that because the answer is yes.”
“I’m not entirely certain that is legal, but it would make for a good appeals process.”
“If I were your lawyer, I’d advise against it, but I’m a button, so go nuts!”
“Well, everything’s legal somewhere”
“Everytime you press this button, I’m billing you $200”
Rick Santorum comments on CA colleges:
“It is so adorable how DC tries to vote just like the real states”
“Tonight it is make or break for Santorum. Not that Rick would ever consider quitting, because God doesn’t approve of pulling out”
“What do you know, at UC Davis, you get an F if you’re not gay”
“Well I certainly hope that when Rick Santorum moves on to the CA primary he does not get an intestinal blockage, because I don’t think the doctors in CA are as qualified as he is to pull things out of his ass”
Nikki Haley-SC-Palmetto-off:
South Carolina state snack: boiled peanuts, point Haley
South Caroline state drink: Milk, point Haley
South Carolina state bird: Carolina Red, point Haley
amphibian: Spotted salamander, point Stephen
THE BEST PART, CAPS!!!
“What Have I done?”
“Something From the State of California News”
“we’ll edit this part out”
April 3, 2012 — Governor Nikki Haley
EPISODE NUMBER: 8079 (April 3, 2012)
GUESTS: Nikki Haley | Trevor Potter
SEGMENTS: Colbert Super PAC – Super Fun Pack Not-Legal Advice & Certificate of Presidenthood | Colbert Super PAC SHH! – 501c4 Disclosure | Rick Santorum Speaks from His Heart – California Colleges
SUIT REPORT: Dark suit | White shirt | Light blue tie
VIDEOS: April 3, 2012
What else does Santorum have up his ass? Maybe his last name. I can’t understand how he is still in the race. It really should’ve been wrapped up by now, but at least it provides some good material for Stephen and Jon and their writers.First he claims that if you are going to college, you are a snob, now he’s picking on colleges for not teaching history? Rick, it’s time to take a nap.
The Best Quotes:
“With a greeting like that, you would make me drunk with power, if I weren’t already high on life.”
The Colbology:
“I Stephen Colbert apologize to any of my transgender bovine viewers that may have been offended”
“Let’s not pigeonhole, or care what pigeons do with their holes, please no letters.”
The Super PAC SHH:
“You will receive this official certificate of Presidenthood, personally signed by me and my political advisor, Ham Rove, It could be the most valuable certificate you’ll receive in college”
“I want to talk about my even more secretive super PAC, Colbert Super PAC SHH, so named because it can raise shhhh*tloads of money”
“Now critics say groups like mine are unregistered money guns shooting up the election with untraceable slush funds, to which I say, UH-HUH”
“Just this Friday a district court judge said that all 501c4’s have to disclose their donors. WHY? Sperm banks don’t. Some do? Oh I have a ton of phone calls to make.”
“You’re going to jail and they’re going to eat you alive. Probably with some brown sugar and mustard.”
The Five things that Trevor Potter will say on The “Trevor, may I” button:
“I was hoping you wouldn’t ask that because the answer is yes.”
“I’m not entirely certain that is legal, but it would make for a good appeals process.”
“If I were your lawyer, I’d advise against it, but I’m a button, so go nuts!”
“Well, everything’s legal somewhere”
“Everytime you press this button, I’m billing you $200”
Rick Santorum comments on CA colleges:
“It is so adorable how DC tries to vote just like the real states”
“Tonight it is make or break for Santorum. Not that Rick would ever consider quitting, because God doesn’t approve of pulling out”
“What do you know, at UC Davis, you get an F if you’re not gay”
“Well I certainly hope that when Rick Santorum moves on to the CA primary he does not get an intestinal blockage, because I don’t think the doctors in CA are as qualified as he is to pull things out of his ass”
Nikki Haley-SC-Palmetto-off:
South Carolina state snack: boiled peanuts, point Haley
South Caroline state drink: Milk, point Haley
South Carolina state bird: Carolina Red, point Haley
amphibian: Spotted salamander, point Stephen
THE BEST PART, CAPS!!!
“What Have I done?”
“Something From the State of California News”
“we’ll edit this part out”