EPISODE NUMBER: 8139 (August 15, 2012)
GUESTS: Santigold | US Olympic Gymnastics Team
STAFF CAMEO: Jay Katsir (Jay the Intern)
EXCLUSIVES: “Disparate Youth” | “Go!” | Timelapse
SEGMENTS: StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Rocktaugustfest Night Three | Fierce Five Interns | StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum | StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Santigold – “The Keepers”
SUIT REPORT: Admirals uniform | Gold shoulder epaulets | Sword | Fore and Aft hat with white feathers | Knee length boots
VIDEOS: Wednesday August 15th, 2012
StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Rocktaugustfest Night Three
Avast ye swabs! Welcome tonight three of StePhest Colbchella ‘012 Rocktaugustfest. Well, my friends. Well, my friends it’s been a great first two days but tonight, tonight Santigold.
Right now I’d like to take a moment, a very important moment to thank the people who made this possible. If by people you mean corporations and I usually do. The good people at Pepsi.
Now, I know… can somebody, anybody got a Pepsi? Throw me a Pepsi?
Now, I know… Now, I know the suits and the squares out there don’t want to hear this sort of talk but I enjoy the products marketed by the global snack-beverage companies PepsiCo. Suck on that “the man”.
Folks, folks I see now there’s a threat of storms coming in but I don’t want you to worry about lightening strikes because right now you are in the safest possible place, on the steel deck of an aircraft carrier. Which, which I have had coated with teflon. So, in case you get fried, it’s easy clean up, we’ll just hose you off into the Hudson.
Stephen: But that’s not going to happen because for your safety tonight I have installed a lightening rod. Come on out here, Jay the Intern. Jay, come on out. Now Jay, thank you so much.
Jay the Intern: Stephen, are you sure this is safe?
Stephen: It’s absolutely safe, Jay. Now raise, raise your copper safety wand. Okay. Now, just… a little higher. Higher please. Higher. There you go. Now, just stand there and pretend that you have health care.
Now, in the meantime let’s check in with my good friend, Stephen Colbert, up on the bridge of the intrepid. Stephen, are you there?
Fierce Five Interns
Oh, hello! Come on over! Thank you so much! Oh, that’s lovely. Thank you so much. Oh, I could do that twice a night.
Here we are on the bridge of the Intrepid. In this exact replica of my studio. It’s really nice. Not as nice as the replica I had built at home but much nicer than the one on my jet.
Folks, it has been a great week of shows and I would like to give a shout out, right now, to all my interns who’ve worked so hard on this weeks concert. This is the last week for the summer interns and I just cannot thank you guys enough. Thank you so much!
But folks, we’ve got a new batch of interns and they might be the best ones to date. Five bright, young, women who’ve just returned from some kind of study abroad program in London.
Stephen: Anyway, they’re very helpful and you know what, speaking of which, uh, I don’t have my pen. Jay? Jay the Intern, could someone bring me my pen, please?
Jay the Intern: Could you get this to Stephen?
The fierce five, everybody! And their even fiercer moms! Thank you so much, give it up! That was beautiful!
Wow, wow. That was just great. Damn, this is a blue pen. I wanted a black one and I… Oh, well. Oh, there it is!
StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum
You know who else is a winner, folks? The USS Intrepid. Built in 1943 this brave lady helped us win WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam. Oh, people say we lost but she’s just waiting for the right moment to go back and kick some ass.
Stephen: Now, I noticed that you are, um, you are pregnant.
Jessica Williams: I am. Yep, yep.
Stephen: Okay, at any point in this interview if you feel any contractions or you feel the baby coming just let me know and I will leave.
Jessica: Okay.
*
Stephen: I have an important ship related question for you. The Intrepid is over 41,000 tons. It’s solid steel as far as you can see. How, uh, does it float?
Jessica: Buoyancy of the ship is based on the, um,volume of the ship and how, how…
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Jessica: Sorry, it just distracted me.
Stephen: I apologize. (To boat: I will be right there!) What would they do with the airplanes when the Intrepid would submerge? Would they strap them to the decks so they wouldn’t float off when the Intrepid would go under water.
Jessica: Well, the Intrepid doesn’t go under water.
Stephen: It used to, I mean, obviously it’s decommissioned, but it used to- used to go under water when the Japanese were hunting it.
Jessica: It’s not a submarine. We do have a submarine-
Stephen: I know, I know there’s a submarine. This is an aircraft carrier and it rarely went under water. I’m sure rarely.
Jessica: Never went under water.
Let’s agree to disagree.
*
Colbechella: More fun than a kamikaze attack!
*
Stephen: Excellent, well, lets take a look at the ship.
Jessica: Great.
Stephen: Oh, I’ll go. I’ll go. I’ll go.
Stephen: You wanna come?
*
Stephen: So, Moreno, you served on the Intrepid?
Moreno: Yes, I served on this ship in the spring of 1956.
Stephen: Oh, fighting the Japanese.
Moreno: No way. That was the Cold War.
Stephen: Cold War… I don’t think we fought the Japanese in the Cold War.
Moreno: No. Eisenhower-
Stephen: I remember him.
Moreno: You remember him well. He said, “Hey, we gotta send some guys over to Lebanon”.
Stephen: I had no idea the Japanese were in Lebanon.
Moreno: The Japanese were not in Lebanon.
Stephen: Where were they?
Moreno: I don’t know. They were home making toys.
Stephen: Oh.
*
Can’t touch the planes Moreno, can’t touch the planes. They can go to war but they can’t take an old man touching them.
Moreno: Alright, you know this guy Lew Chatham?
Stephen: Uh, Lew and I played squash together.
Moreno: Good.
Stephen: Who’s Lew Chatham?
Moreno: He’s a Lieutenant.
Stephen: Do you know him?
Moreno: No, he’s long gone.
Stephen: Did you know about him when you asked me if I knew him?
Moreno: No, I just want to see if you did know him.
Stephen: Uh, were you testing me?
Moreno: Yes.
Stephen: How did I do?
Moreno: You did fine.
Stephen: Alright, great. Am I in the Navy now?
Moreno: I’ll sign you up.
Stephen: Is this part of the Top Gun training?
*
Stephen: Moreno, as a veteran, you served on the Intrepid. I am requesting permission to rock the boat.
Moreno: Permission granted.
New York, New York, a helluva town.The Bronx is up, but the Battery’s down.The people ride in a hole in the ground.
New York, New York, it’s a helluva town!
August 15, 2012 — Santigold
GUESTS: Santigold | US Olympic Gymnastics Team
STAFF CAMEO: Jay Katsir (Jay the Intern)
EXCLUSIVES: “Disparate Youth” | “Go!” | Timelapse
SEGMENTS: StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Rocktaugustfest Night Three | Fierce Five Interns | StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum | StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Santigold – “The Keepers”
SUIT REPORT: Admirals uniform | Gold shoulder epaulets | Sword | Fore and Aft hat with white feathers | Knee length boots
VIDEOS: Wednesday August 15th, 2012
StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Rocktaugustfest Night Three
Avast ye swabs! Welcome tonight three of StePhest Colbchella ‘012 Rocktaugustfest. Well, my friends. Well, my friends it’s been a great first two days but tonight, tonight Santigold.
Right now I’d like to take a moment, a very important moment to thank the people who made this possible. If by people you mean corporations and I usually do. The good people at Pepsi.
Now, I know… can somebody, anybody got a Pepsi? Throw me a Pepsi?
Now, I know… Now, I know the suits and the squares out there don’t want to hear this sort of talk but I enjoy the products marketed by the global snack-beverage companies PepsiCo. Suck on that “the man”.
Stephen: But that’s not going to happen because for your safety tonight I have installed a lightening rod. Come on out here, Jay the Intern. Jay, come on out. Now Jay, thank you so much.
Jay the Intern: Stephen, are you sure this is safe?
Stephen: It’s absolutely safe, Jay. Now raise, raise your copper safety wand. Okay. Now, just… a little higher. Higher please. Higher. There you go. Now, just stand there and pretend that you have health care.
Fierce Five Interns
Oh, hello! Come on over! Thank you so much! Oh, that’s lovely. Thank you so much. Oh, I could do that twice a night.
Here we are on the bridge of the Intrepid. In this exact replica of my studio. It’s really nice. Not as nice as the replica I had built at home but much nicer than the one on my jet.
Folks, it has been a great week of shows and I would like to give a shout out, right now, to all my interns who’ve worked so hard on this weeks concert. This is the last week for the summer interns and I just cannot thank you guys enough. Thank you so much!
Stephen: Anyway, they’re very helpful and you know what, speaking of which, uh, I don’t have my pen. Jay? Jay the Intern, could someone bring me my pen, please?
Jay the Intern: Could you get this to Stephen?
The fierce five, everybody! And their even fiercer moms! Thank you so much, give it up! That was beautiful!
Wow, wow. That was just great. Damn, this is a blue pen. I wanted a black one and I… Oh, well. Oh, there it is!
StePhest Colbchella ‘012 – Intrepid Sea, Air & Space Museum
You know who else is a winner, folks? The USS Intrepid. Built in 1943 this brave lady helped us win WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam. Oh, people say we lost but she’s just waiting for the right moment to go back and kick some ass.
Stephen: Now, I noticed that you are, um, you are pregnant.
Jessica Williams: I am. Yep, yep.
Stephen: Okay, at any point in this interview if you feel any contractions or you feel the baby coming just let me know and I will leave.
Jessica: Okay.
*
Stephen: I have an important ship related question for you. The Intrepid is over 41,000 tons. It’s solid steel as far as you can see. How, uh, does it float?
Jessica: Buoyancy of the ship is based on the, um,volume of the ship and how, how…
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
Jessica: Sorry, it just distracted me.
Stephen: I apologize. (To boat: I will be right there!) What would they do with the airplanes when the Intrepid would submerge? Would they strap them to the decks so they wouldn’t float off when the Intrepid would go under water.
Jessica: Well, the Intrepid doesn’t go under water.
Stephen: It used to, I mean, obviously it’s decommissioned, but it used to- used to go under water when the Japanese were hunting it.
Jessica: It’s not a submarine. We do have a submarine-
Stephen: I know, I know there’s a submarine. This is an aircraft carrier and it rarely went under water. I’m sure rarely.
Jessica: Never went under water.
Let’s agree to disagree.
*
Colbechella: More fun than a kamikaze attack!
*
Stephen: Excellent, well, lets take a look at the ship.
Jessica: Great.
Stephen: Oh, I’ll go. I’ll go. I’ll go.
Stephen: You wanna come?
*
Stephen: So, Moreno, you served on the Intrepid?
Moreno: Yes, I served on this ship in the spring of 1956.
Stephen: Oh, fighting the Japanese.
Moreno: No way. That was the Cold War.
Stephen: Cold War… I don’t think we fought the Japanese in the Cold War.
Moreno: No. Eisenhower-
Stephen: I remember him.
Moreno: You remember him well. He said, “Hey, we gotta send some guys over to Lebanon”.
Stephen: I had no idea the Japanese were in Lebanon.
Moreno: The Japanese were not in Lebanon.
Stephen: Where were they?
Moreno: I don’t know. They were home making toys.
Stephen: Oh.
*
Can’t touch the planes Moreno, can’t touch the planes. They can go to war but they can’t take an old man touching them.
Moreno: Alright, you know this guy Lew Chatham?
Stephen: Uh, Lew and I played squash together.
Moreno: Good.
Stephen: Who’s Lew Chatham?
Moreno: He’s a Lieutenant.
Stephen: Do you know him?
Moreno: No, he’s long gone.
Stephen: Did you know about him when you asked me if I knew him?
Moreno: No, I just want to see if you did know him.
Stephen: Uh, were you testing me?
Moreno: Yes.
Stephen: How did I do?
Moreno: You did fine.
Stephen: Alright, great. Am I in the Navy now?
Moreno: I’ll sign you up.
Stephen: Is this part of the Top Gun training?
*
Stephen: Moreno, as a veteran, you served on the Intrepid. I am requesting permission to rock the boat.
Moreno: Permission granted.
New York, New York, a helluva town.The Bronx is up, but the Battery’s down.The people ride in a hole in the ground.
New York, New York, it’s a helluva town!