August 7, 2014 — Brian Chesky

EPISODE NUMBER: 10141 (August 7, 2014)
GUESTS: Brian Chesky
SEGMENTS: Intro – 8/7/14 | Vladimir Putin’s Food Sanctions | Ebola Panic | The In-Box – B.L.T. vs. Club | Brian Chesky | Sign Off – Bourbon and Chicken
SUIT REPORT: Dark Pin Stripped Suit | White Shirt | Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, August 7, 2014

Intro – 8/7/14

Tonight, a new threat from Africa! Your upstairs neighbour is learning to play the djembe! Then I settle a raging sandwich controversy. Some ask rye, I ask rye not? And my guest Brian Chesky founded Airbnb, which lets users stay in homes around the world. I have a product that does that — it’s called a crowbar! Hawaii is facing back-to-back hurricanes, so just when they’re saying aloha to one, they’ll be saying aloha to another!

Vladimir Putin’s Food Sanctions

• I’m sure you know, but America’s relationship with Russia continues to degrade. But finally, a true strong leader stepped up to punish to Russia, and, no surprise, it’s Vladimir Putin.

“Vladimir Putin is striking back against the west’s economic sanctions today, banning food imports to Russia for one year. for the next year they are banning all imports of beef, Pork, fruit, vegetable, poultry, seafood, cheese and milk in all Forms — fresh, frozen, processed, whatever — and this Applies to European union, Australia, Canada and Norway.”

• Yes, Putin is to impose a ban on food imports from all major countries — and Norway. I mean, face it. No one wants lutefisk.

• The sanctions strikes at Putin’s worst enemies, the Russian People.

“Russia relies on imports for40% of its food. So experts say Putin is only hurting his own country.”

• So Putin is cutting off his nose to spite his face and Russians are scrambling to get the fresh nose meat. Because they sure aren’t getting any of our chicken.

“Among the items on the list that are now blocked from Russia are US chickens. Russia is the second largest buyer of US chicken.”

• Yes, Russia has now choked off our chicken.

• But if Russia wants to mess with American business I intend to fight back with my nine-part plan! Well, technically it’s actually a nine-piece plan.

• Oh, oh really! You’ve got us now, Vlad. I mean, what are we supposed to do with the surplus?

• I’m sure you’re enjoying your chicken Kiev — or whatever it is you’re Kiev-ing now.

• I don’t know how you could make it worse for us unless you were to also, say, ban Kentucky bourbon.

• Oh, golly! Does that mean — does that mean more whiskey for us! Mmm! That is not a prop! Okay.

• I mean, whatever will we do? I mean, I guess we’ll have to start cooking chickens in it! I mean, bourbon glazed chicken! I mean, it’s no cold beet soup, but it will do! I mean, you really got us with these sanctions, Putin.

• I just hope you don’t double down! Oh yeah! Das Vidania! That reminds me. Hmmm.

Ebola Panic

• This week, the Ebola outbreak that’s been ravaging West Africa finally spread to West-West Africa: America.

“The growing ebola fear spreads around the country.” “There are fears the outbreak will continue to spread.” “Americans panicked over a possible ebola outbreak.” “Fear and panic over a possible ebola outbreak.”

• Yes! We’re all afraid! We’re all afraid about a coming Ebola outbreak! Everyone is on high alert!
• Here’s how the plague has spread so far: Two American health workers who contracted the disease while treating patients in Africa have been evacuated to Emory University for emergency medical care. To add to the horror, Emory is in Atlanta so they probably had to fly Delta.
• And it brings me no comfort to know that Ebola is “…spread only through intimate contact with bodily secretions such as vomit, blood or feces.”
• Speaking of vomit, blood and feces … Donald Trump. Donald tried to warn us about this looming pandemic via Twitter.

Donald Trump’s Tweet: Stop the Ebola patients from entering the US. Treat them at the highest level over there.

• Yes, we should have treated these desperately ill Americans at the highest level in Liberia. No Civil War Era medical technology should be spared! The freshest leaches! The finest bite sticks!
• And, sure, sure, these people were providing medical care to desperate villagers, but that doesn’t mean they deserve special treatment. Right, Donald?

Donald Trump talking to ‘Fox and Friends’: “They are great people. They’re tremendous people, but they have to suffer the consequences.”

• You have to suffer the consequences for your good deeds. That’s why Mother Theresa’s tombstone reads, “She Had It Coming!”
• And the number of new Ebola cases in the US is impossible to count because it is zero.

‘CBS This Morning’: “So far six Americans in the United States have been tested for Ebola. Thankfully, all tests came back negative.”
Dr. Peter Walsh: “It’s pretty hard to catch. So, I think if you’re upset about the possibility of having a major outbreak in the United States you should really just relax, you know, take a deep breath and worry about getting hit by a car, because you have a lot higher probability of that.”

You heard him, Ebola has spread to our car dealerships! No wonder that salesman looks so sick! He’s having some sort of spasm and they still make him come to work!

• But, folks, just because no one has caught Ebola in America doesn’t mean Ebola can’t catch ya. Fox News brain surgeon, Ben Carson, infect us with your fear.

Dr. Ben Carson: “If there were a container of contaminated urine and somehow it managed to find its way to some place, a lot of damage could be done. You always have to guard for the worst case scenario. So, you know, someone comes up to a lab worker. He knows he’s got the urine. ‘How would you like to have a million dollars?’ A little transaction there. I mean, somebody’s gonna say, ‘That’s crazy! It could never happen!’ Such things have been known to happen.”

• Now, you may say Dr. Ben Carson is just yanking s*** out of his ass, but, remember, that’s another way Ebola is spread.
• Dr. Carson – this good man – is right. You should always guard against the worse possible case scenario and, frankly, I can think of worser scenarios. For instance, let’s sat the terrorist inject urine into circus lions and then release them into a boy scout jamboree.
• Or more plausible, let’s say there’s an opera company on their way a gig, but their bus breaks down outside of the CDC. They start singing, hit a high C, which causes all the vials of urine to shatter. Then a cold front moves in, sucks up all the Ebola into the sky and suddenly it’s raining death pee-pee!
• Or even plausibler, it’s Friday and the CDC throws a party. It’s a fun place, they could do that. And they decide to serve cups of Mountain Dew, but they can’t tell the Mountain Dew from the urine. Somebody could actually drink pee-bola!

I’m just joking. I would never do that. They’re both urine.

• It is clear that we only have one chance to stop this spreading panic. We must isolate the source of the outbreak: Our imagination!

The In-Box – B.L.T. vs. Club

• Folks, I don’t know about you, but way back in the day when I was a little kid and I needed a question answered I always used to turn to my favorite family member, TV. It answered all the big questions like “What’s Happening”, “Who’s the Boss”, and “Howdy Doody!”

• And now I’d like to use TV to answer your questions in my weekly viewer mail segment that I do twice a year.

“Dear Stephen, Which is the superior sandwich the B.L.T.or the Club? Please settle this, I’ve got a lot of money riding on it.

Sincerely Pope Francis, the Vatican.”

• Okay, your holiness, now I’ve avoided this for years because […] but obviously I can’t ignore the controversy any longer, so let’s sink our teeth into this one.

• On the one hand, you have the American classic, the B.L.T. It’s an honest sandwich that tells you everything you need to know right up front. It’s got bacon, lettuce and tomato. On the other hand, you’ve got the Club. What does that acronym even stand for? Chicken, lettuce, underwear and balloons? Sounds like the dumpster outside Party City.

• Plus the B.L.T. Is inspired by God. The bacon, lettuce and tomato represent the Holy Trinity. The lettuce of course, is the Holy Ghost because nobody is sure why it’s there.

• Not to mention the B.L.T. can stand on its own, whereas the Club has no structural integrity, and must to be propped up by a decorative tooth pick — or as the children call it, mummy, the sandwich shived me in the mouth.

• But here’s the real clincher. While the B.L.T. is nestled between two lightly toasted bread slices, the Club has the audacity to add an extra layer of toast. That’s right. It’s a freaky bread three-way, a minage-a-toast. […] How the hell am I supposed to toast three pieces of toast? Oh, I know, I’ll use my three-slice toaster! F*** you!

• I’m sorry, folks! It’s not even a contest, […] the clear winner is the B.L.T. It’s an American hero.

Interview — Brian Chesky

Stephen: You’re the co-founder and C.E.Os. Of Airbnb, a $10 billion hospitality, hospitality Exchange company. What is the difference between airing and just home prostitution? Because you’re selling your house there. Some of these houses are literally on street corners.
Brian: Well, the whole idea is weave this idea, what if you could feel like you’re home anywhere in the world. And what we wanted to do is take the strangers out of it.
Stephen: What inspired you to do this?
Brian: Well, I was actually, I moved to San Francisco with my roommate Joe Gabbier and we couldn’t afford to pay rent. There was a design conference coming to San Francisco, All the hotels were sold out. Sowed had this idea, let’s just turn our house into a bed and breakfast for the conference. But, unfortunately, I didn’t have any beds. Joe had three air — we’d just moved up there. And I was totally broke at this point. Joe pulled three air beds out of the closet, he inflates them and we realize it’s not a bed and breakfast. It’s an air bed and breakfast.
Stephen: That’s why it’s called Airbnb! Okay!
Brian: Yes.
Stephen: now this is sometimes called the new sharing economy. Eventually, will everyone, you know, below the 1%just be helping each other? Why do you think this is taking off?
Brian: I think this is taking off because with the, what The sharing kind of really means is now people in 60 seconds can Become micro entrepreneurs. Toucan add a reputation. If you have a skill, an assertion have in your life. You can share it with somebody and it doesn’t matter what economic class you’re a part of. I think what this really means, I think, is that people now have the power to become entrepreneurs.
Stephen: Okay, who doesn’t like you because of this because you’ve gotten some heat from various cities and from hotel chains about this, haven’t you?
Brian: Yes. I think that there are some people who don’t want to change the way things are. I totally understand that. That being said, you know, we launched during the economic crisis of 2008 and there were people who really needed this change to happen, and think it’s fundamentally a good thing for the world.
Stephen: But you guys are competing with these huge hotel chains, and I guess what I’m asking is: Should people have the same rights as corporations?
Brian: You know, Airbnb is a corporation and we started – Joe was the first host with Airbnb. I believe that you know, ultimately everyone should be able to participate in the economy like a corporation and become an entrepreneur.

Stephen: One of my writers who recently joined us at the show, she stayed at an Airbnb for about a month, and when she left, the host gave her a wide screen TV and two naked mannequins. Is that standard protocol?
Brian: Well, I think the idea is that, like, a little bit you never know what you’re going to get, and I think that like many people become friends after and there’s this wonderful cultural exchange. You know, just to give you an example, tonight around the world 375,000 people are staying together and living together in 160 countries.

Why not share your thoughts and favourite moments from tonight’s episode in the comments!!