Colbert News Hub – Part 259

“Wednesday, 5:04 p.m. “180 miles off Bermuda. First of all, would someone please call the Hamilton Fairmont and cancel Stephen’s massage for tomorrow morning? Thanks a bunch. In the last 48 hours we’ve seen sperm whales breaching, a family of dolphins playing in our bow wake, devil rays, and Man O’ War. Now we are alone. A speck of white moving over and under fields of endless blue. Winds are light and variable. We have put up our Audi spinnaker (which is roughly the size of Denmark), and we crawl toward glory at the blistering pace of 4 knots. And by blistering, we mean what’s happening to our skin in the merciless rays of the sun.”

“In these conditions, it is more important than ever to keep up your fluid intake, or else suffer the serious effects of dehydration: fatigue, dizziness, and hallucinations. Thankfully, so far…Spiders! Spiders everywhere! They’re coming out of the sails! Kill them with fire!”

Love,
The Spirit of Juno

p.s. Did that Rapture thing happen last Saturday? You know what, don’t tell us. We’ve got it TiVOed.

Source: BYM Sailing & Sports News.

Limited screenings of Stephen Sondheim’s “Company” begin 15th June.

Tickets: United States and Canada.

It’s official. After five days of racing, the leader of Colbert Nation is now out in front for the first time. Stephen Colbert, renowned star of Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report,” and his crew of friends on board the chartered OnDeck Farr 65 Spirit of Juno, edged their way to the front of the 11-boat fleet this afternoon. Colbert and company benefitted from stronger breezes due to their more northerly position on the race course, while just to the south, the erstwhile leader – Hank Hofford and Susan Ford on board the Shipman 63 Tucana – found themselves slowing down in very light winds.

Moving into the No. 1 position has been a long time coming for Colbert, who proclaimed himself to be the “greatest sailor in the world” in Sailing World magazine’s May issue. After his yacht was the last to cross the starting line on Saturday, it looked as though Juno’s fate would be to follow Tucana all the way to Bermuda. But the crew aboard Juno has been nothing if not persistent, and their determination finally paid off today.

Out on this sector of the North Atlantic, the wind speeds stayed relatively steady throughout the day until mid afternoon. During that time, the wind direction was moving around from the southwest to the east, meaning that the competitors in this biennial race to Bermuda would now have to contend with headwinds. It appears that Tucana was the first one of the 11 to experience this shift because she began slowing down as of the 3:00 p.m. position report and made one distinct course alteration.

As an additional consequence of this shift in the winds, the majority of the fleet is now much closer together than it was at this time yesterday. As of 5:00 p.m. this evening, five of the 11 entries were within a 250-square-mile area, with the two Shipman 63s (Tucana and Vladimir Zinchenko’s Yanosha) were sailing virtually neck-and-neck.

Source: CharlestoBermuda.com

Stephen Colbert Challenges You to an Ocean Race.

Stephen Colbert’s first offshore racing experience, the 2005 Charleston to Bermuda Race, couldn’t have gone any worse. The 45-foot cat ketch on which he sailed finished dead last. In fact, it took his crew so long to reach Bermuda, they arrived two days after the awards ceremony. But as unequivocally bad as it was from a racing perspective, as an experience, it was equally as profound. In fact, the normally glib 46-year-old, who hosts the satirical news show “The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central, says he has trouble finding the words to accurately explain why he enjoyed the 777-mile race so much, and why, come May 21, he’ll do it again.

What’s your sailing background?

I grew up right on Charleston Harbor, right across from the Carolina YC. The regattas were right outside my window. I wasn’t allowed to go sailing because I don’t have an eardrum in one ear and I couldn’t get water in my ear. It just drove me crazy. My mom felt so badly for me, that when I was 20, my doctor said, it’s healed enough—the thing that was wrong was still wrong, but it was better—he said, “You can go out there now.” My mom said, “OK, I’ll get you sailing lessons.” I said, “I don’t really want to now.” Which, of course, really upset her, because to her I was still a little boy. But, I said, to hell with it. I’d moved on.

So I kind of just left it behind. I’d done a little sailing, I’d snuck behind her back, and capsized, and got in trouble. But I hadn’t really done that much sailing, but the little I’d done I had enjoyed.

Then [in 2005] when I was 41, a friend called up and said, “The C2B [Charleston to Bermuda] is this year. I know somebody who’s got a boat, and you know almost all the guys on it. Do you want one of the berths on the boat? I asked my wife, and she said, “Yes. Go.” She shocked me. That was my introduction to serious sailing. I just loved it.

This past summer when we were down in Charleston—I hadn’t decided to do the C2B this year, the Charleston to Bermuda that OnDeck is doing. One day I was looking out, it was a beautiful day; I was down there for a couple of weeks. I actually called up OnDeck, not knowing I was calling up OnDeck, because they took over the maritime center in Charleston, and rented a Beneteau to take it out. Then I found out they were running the race and that’s how the whole thing started with me back involved with them again.

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Stephen sent this email to race headquarters Sunday night:

“Dear land-based life forms,”

“Fantastic day. We started with windless bobbing from 4:00 a.m. until 8:00 a.m. We punctuated this inertia by catching, on a hand line, two mahi-mahi, a very beautiful fish-fish! They both were laid to rest in a small Tupperware coffin surrounded by lime juice and chopped onions.

“Spent the afternoon dodging wind holes and watching dolphins play in our bow wake. We’ve also been introducing our English crew to the joys of grits. They are dubious, but too polite to admit they tossed it overboard.

“We are on four hour watches and lucky to get three hours’ sleep at a time. Those of you familiar with totalitarian regimes will remember that sleep deprivation is one way that dictators break their enemies.

“We are in good position thanks to our skipper, Tim Scarisbrick, first mate Bertie Whitley and second mate Chris Miller.

“We all smell wonderful. See you in Bermuda!”

Source: Charleston Bermuda Race.

CharlestonBermudaRace.com have regular updates on the race and the predicted weather forecast.

“Spirit of Juno” is making good progress on Day 1:

“Stephen Colbert and his Team Audi crewmates on board the Spirit of Juno were making the best speeds in the fleet as of 0730 today (5.3 knots) just slightly north of the rhumbline. At roughly that time, Juno’s strategists called for an abrupt change of course, and headed almost due north. It’s apparent the leader of the Colbert Nation will find his comedic skills in high demand today as the crew deals with the very challenging situation of keeping a 60,000-pound boat moving in zephyrous conditions.”

Stephen Colbert talks to “The Car Show” host Adam Carolla at the New York Auto Show. (2:32)

The Charleston to Bermuda Facebook Page has a pre-race interview with Stephen in which he discusses his philosophy on sailboat racing.

There is also a clip featuring the “Spirit of Juno’s” 12 Man Crew.