EPISODE NUMBER: 10037 (December 16, 2013)
GUESTS: Jonah Peretti | Gregg Allman | The National
SPECIAL GUEST: Billy Crystal
SEGMENTS: Intro-12/16/13 | Google’s Robot Acquisition | NSA Video Game Surveillance | Stephen’s Grammy Nomination – Billy Crystal | Sign-Off: Silver Bells
SUIT REPORT: Silky Grey Suit | White Shirt | Red Diamond Pattern Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, December 16, 2013
HUZZAH!! It’s the start of Christmas Carol week. Last year was so memorable and this year, there are more guests than last so by the transitive properties of memorable-ness, it should therefore be (mashes fingers on adding machine)………more memorable!
Stephen in a halo-wreath:
The halls have been decked, also the set, the offices, the breakroom probably. The set looks really great. Props to the Props guys! I will expand on this a bit later but for now here are some good caps from the show.
I really wanted to post some great pictures of the set in this post, but I can’t do it justice. Go here if you want to see everything. Lots of photos of the decorations!
Intro:
“Tonight, How big is the NSA surveillance program? and am I being recorded right now? Then, will I receive a Nobel Prize or did I eat all those Cracker Jacks for nothing? and my guest Jonah Peretti is the founder of BuzzFeed. I’ll talk to him for one minute before losing interest and clicking on another guest. A new study claims ADD is over- diagnosed or something, I got bored and didn’t read the article.
This is The Colbert Report!”
Google’s Robot Acquisition
Google acquired Boston Dynamics and now they have robots. Robots that can jump, run at 28 mph and hurl cinder blocks. In order to defeat them, he takes his cues from Ewok technology consisting of two logs crashing into each other with a robot in between.
- “I have started an Ewok breeding program. My first goal is to get this Ewok to stop pooping in my house.”
“You’re going to catch cinder blocks, yes you are!”
Woman on TV: These devices were made for the military. What on earth would Google want with them?
Stephen: Clearly to enslave humanity, because that’s the only way they can get anyone to sign up for Google +.
NSA Video Game Surveillance
Edward Snowden may have a lot of intel. He was offered amnesty if he gives up all the info he has.
- I’d take the deal Ed. Just come back with all the intel and all is forgiven. To make you feel safe, we’ll meet you in a special amnesty zone.
- The NSA is spying on Second Life, a game for people who don’t have a first one.
- The Feds have introduced the greatest technological breakthrough since whatever they used to keep Mulder and Scully from doing it. THEY WERE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER!
“Print my fanfic!”
I didn’t know Stephen was a ‘shipper.
- Previously if you wanted to spy on someone through their webcams, you had to pay a $1.99/minute and what they were strapping on was not a suicide vest.
Stephen invented a security device for your computer called “Total Analog Personal Encryption”. It fits handily over your webcam.
Stephen’s Grammy Nomination – Billy Crystal
Fellow Grammy nominee Billy Crystal dropped by to call out Stephen on his threat to crush all the other nominees, call him a “son of a bitch” a few times and promote his Broadway play, “700 Sundays”.
- There’s only one thing standing between me and my Grammy and it’s 4 things; David Sedaris, Carol Burnett, Billy Crystal and the 94 year old folk legend Pete Seeger. I have vowed to crush them like amazingly talented bugs.
Billy: Listen you son of a bitch. I’ll have you know I was a big star in this town before you were just slightly younger than I am.
Stephen: I still am, Billy.
They shook on it:Stephen wished him well and Billy returned the sentiment…or did he?
Interview – Jonah Peretti
Buzzfeed is breaking into real journalism. Now, why would they want to do that when every other media outlet is breaking out of it?
Stephen: Why would you pollute your brand with journalism? You don’t see “Dancing with the Stars” cutting out of their show to report on Chicago gun violence.
Sign-Off: Silver Bells
Stephen sings “Silver Bells” with the band The National and rock legend Gregg Allman.
It was a slower acoustical, I’d say more folksy version. Slow and easy, mellow and light, I guess is the way I’d describe it.
December 16, 2013 – Jonah Peretti
GUESTS: Jonah Peretti | Gregg Allman | The National
SPECIAL GUEST: Billy Crystal
SEGMENTS: Intro-12/16/13 | Google’s Robot Acquisition | NSA Video Game Surveillance | Stephen’s Grammy Nomination – Billy Crystal | Sign-Off: Silver Bells
SUIT REPORT: Silky Grey Suit | White Shirt | Red Diamond Pattern Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, December 16, 2013
HUZZAH!! It’s the start of Christmas Carol week. Last year was so memorable and this year, there are more guests than last so by the transitive properties of memorable-ness, it should therefore be (mashes fingers on adding machine)………more memorable!
Stephen in a halo-wreath:
The halls have been decked, also the set, the offices, the breakroom probably. The set looks really great. Props to the Props guys! I will expand on this a bit later but for now here are some good caps from the show.
I really wanted to post some great pictures of the set in this post, but I can’t do it justice. Go here if you want to see everything. Lots of photos of the decorations!
Intro:
Google’s Robot Acquisition
Google acquired Boston Dynamics and now they have robots. Robots that can jump, run at 28 mph and hurl cinder blocks. In order to defeat them, he takes his cues from Ewok technology consisting of two logs crashing into each other with a robot in between.
“You’re going to catch cinder blocks, yes you are!”
Woman on TV: These devices were made for the military. What on earth would Google want with them?
Stephen: Clearly to enslave humanity, because that’s the only way they can get anyone to sign up for Google +.
NSA Video Game Surveillance
Edward Snowden may have a lot of intel. He was offered amnesty if he gives up all the info he has.
“Print my fanfic!”
I didn’t know Stephen was a ‘shipper.
Stephen invented a security device for your computer called “Total Analog Personal Encryption”. It fits handily over your webcam.
Stephen’s Grammy Nomination – Billy Crystal
Fellow Grammy nominee Billy Crystal dropped by to call out Stephen on his threat to crush all the other nominees, call him a “son of a bitch” a few times and promote his Broadway play, “700 Sundays”.
Billy: Listen you son of a bitch. I’ll have you know I was a big star in this town before you were just slightly younger than I am.
Stephen: I still am, Billy.
They shook on it:Stephen wished him well and Billy returned the sentiment…or did he?
Interview – Jonah Peretti
Buzzfeed is breaking into real journalism. Now, why would they want to do that when every other media outlet is breaking out of it?
Stephen: Why would you pollute your brand with journalism? You don’t see “Dancing with the Stars” cutting out of their show to report on Chicago gun violence.
Sign-Off: Silver Bells
Stephen sings “Silver Bells” with the band The National and rock legend Gregg Allman.
It was a slower acoustical, I’d say more folksy version. Slow and easy, mellow and light, I guess is the way I’d describe it.