EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 163 (Monday, June 20, 2016)
GUESTS: Alexander Skarsgard | Natasha Leggero | Ziggy Marley
SEGMENTS: The Correct Way to Pronounce “Alexander Skarsgård” | God Wanted Cleveland to Win NBA Championship | What’s Happening Inside the Trump Campaign? | Stephen’s Live Colonoscopy Ends in Disaster- Alexander Skarsgård Still Missing | Alexander Skarsgård | Natasha Leggero | Ziggy Marley – “Weekend’s Long”
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | White Shirt | Light Grey, White & Navy Striped Tie
Scandinavian Fan Shout-Out! Gorgeous Human Specimen Alex Skarsgard professes his superfandom of all things Stephen. Adorable!
Tonight’s Monday offering had the guests heaping tons of our praise upon our fearless host. Most surprising was Swedish hunk of man-meat Alex Skarsgård, who definitely made his street cred as a Stephen Uber-Fan known. Stephen appeared to be touched at Skarsgård’s numerous attempts to flatter the host. It was so sweet that he made it to a taping before appearing as first guest himself. What an awesome guy.
Side note: when Stephen came back from break, he commented on the little Swedish “snack” of fish paste and crackers Skarsgård had with him, saying, “that smoked roe that I ate tasted like all of low tide.”
Next up was Natasha Leggero confessing her nightmare Aussie boyfriend stories, and also complimenting Stephen’s exemplary dance skills. I also loved her shimmery, colorful dress.
The early segments about bloggers who are chagrined to find that no one reads their posts and just blindly share links was…um….humbling. Someone is reading this post right now, right? I mean, you are? Thank you.
We also had Brian Stack on as God to explain why he allowed poor Cleveland to finally have something to get excited about – winning the NBA championship after a 52-year drought. Also, Stephen treated us to some “Trump Bump” dancing as he gave updates on his campaign; mostly, the update is no one knows what the heck is going on.
God Wanted Cleveland to Win NBA Championship
- It was great to see the whole city [of Cleveland] gather in celebration with zero rioting. They are saving that for the Republican convention. Just flipped over burning elephants.
- Of course, ending that streak was especially meaningful for Lebron James, only two years after returning to Cleveland. He brought his hometown back from a 3-1 deficit against the team with the best record in NBA history. It was an inspiring Cinderella story, if Cinderella had first betrayed her family by taking her talents to South Beach.
Stephen: Wait a second Lord, you ended the Warriors historic season because of Steph Curry’s shoes?
God (voiced by Brian Stack): That’s not the only reason. Little Melissa Franklin of Shaker Heights, OH said her nighttime prayers. Meanwhile, Jimmy Conklin in Oakland was having impure thoughts about his camp counselor. It’s a shame. You destroyed the greatest season of all time, Jimmy. I hope it was worth it, you little pervert.
Stephen: I gotta say, this makes you seem kinda petty.
God: Stephen, have you read the Bible? I mean, c’mon I told Abraham to kill his son just to see if he was into me. hahaha! Good times.
Stephen: …Why did you make Cleveland suffer for so long?
God: What do you mean? I have blessed the people of Cleveland with so much. For example, the Rock ’n Roll Hall of Fame…and, uh… that basketball game last night!
Stephen: Well, it’s nice to know you don’t have anything against Cleveland.
God: Oh heavens no, it’s Chicago I’m going to punish. Oh man, you should see what I have planned for the second half of the Cubs season. You ever see someone pitch with leprosy? Hahaha. Gives new meaning to the term “knuckle ball.”
What’s Happening Inside the Trump Campaign?
Citing the tedious nature of having to talk about Trump every night, Stephen introduces a new dance, “The Trump Bump.” I think Colbert is determined to find some joy with this relentless (and frightening) phenomenon that is the Trump candidacy.
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- Speaking of biblical punishments, Donald Trump.
- We’re going to have to say that man’s name so many times during the election season, I am just trying to think of new ways to do it.
- That’s a great point. You can save a lot of money by not turning on aircraft carriers. You can save even more by putting the engine in neutral when the water is coasting downhill. Just coast to the Middle East.
- He thinks you start an aircraft carrier like a Pontiac. Don’t pump the gas too much sir, you don’t want to flood the carburetor on your nuclear-powered aircraft carrier.
- It’s detailed policy statements like this that could be the reason why the Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski was fired today. Which is shocking. Someone was managing that campaign?
- It was all summed by a source inside the Trump campaign who told MSNBC news, “no one knows what is happening.”
- Donald Trump, after firing longtime advisors, supporters dropping left and right, and no funding coming in still seems so confident. I was wondering why until I saw he has a secret weapon: Scott Baio.
- I don’t know what’s more surprising: Scott Baio’s opinion, or the fact that someone asked Scott Baio’s opinion. Next, they’re going to ask for thoughts on Trump’s border wall from Wilson from Home Improvement.
Dad & Cheerio Segment
Stephen covered a story about a new, dumb meme where Dads see how many cheerios they can stack on their sleeping babies faces. Yeah. Really. (Eye roll.)
- It really reminds you why women have been the primary caregivers since the dawn of humanity.
- “Ug, come look, Me stack mammoth bones on baby. Quick, take cave painting!”
- This Dad Cheerio challenge is much easier than the ones moms do when the baby is sleeping, like “Do I have time to wash myself?” and “Do I have any vomit-free shirts left?”
Stephen’s Live Colonoscopy Ends in Disaster- Alexander Skarsgård Still Missing
The next segment really rang true with yours truly, because I have been blogging about Stephen and his work for so many years now. I only hope his visible contempt wasn’t directed at the Hub! 😉 Blogging is a pretty humbling and often thankless profession, to be sure.
- The majority of people forwarding things don’t know what they just forwarded.
- I am not sure why it’s depressing, though. I guess it’s depressing because the writer realized that no one was actually reading any of the content he was writing. It’s like he just spent his career shouting into a sock and throwing it off an overpass.
“But let me talk to the online writers out there as part of the dwindling broadcast TV industry: did someone not read your internet post and retweet it for you? I’m so sorry for you! […] Now do you feel your whole life is wasted because nobody reads your clickety-click? PEOPLE LEAVE ME ON THE BACKGROUND WHILE THEY HAVE SEX! BY THEMSELVES. Why don’t you write an article about that that no one will ever read? #tragic”
- This makes sense to me. We’re all so busy these days. Actually reading the links that people send you takes time. It’s easier to call someone than to go see them. It’s easier to text someone than to call them. Well, it’s easier to retweet a headline than to remember why you get up in the morning.
- The point is, no one reads anymore. Pretty soon we won’t even read to our children. We’ll just show them a headline that says, “The Top Ten Places Sam Won’t Eat Green Eggs and Ham.” No. 8 will shock you!
- I see an opportunity here. If 60% of people are just going to share a link just because of what the headline says, why shouldn’t I take advantage? In fact, when we put this video of me talking about this subject of clickbait on the internet, the headline will be: “ Stephen’s Live Colonoscopy Ends in Disaster. Alexander Skarsgard Still Missing.”
What did y’all think of the episode? Let us know in the comments.
June 20, 2016 – Alexander Skarsgard, Natasha Leggero, Ziggy Marley
GUESTS: Alexander Skarsgard | Natasha Leggero | Ziggy Marley
SEGMENTS: The Correct Way to Pronounce “Alexander Skarsgård” | God Wanted Cleveland to Win NBA Championship | What’s Happening Inside the Trump Campaign? | Stephen’s Live Colonoscopy Ends in Disaster- Alexander Skarsgård Still Missing | Alexander Skarsgård | Natasha Leggero | Ziggy Marley – “Weekend’s Long”
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | White Shirt | Light Grey, White & Navy Striped Tie
Scandinavian Fan Shout-Out! Gorgeous Human Specimen Alex Skarsgard professes his superfandom of all things Stephen. Adorable!
Tonight’s Monday offering had the guests heaping tons of our praise upon our fearless host. Most surprising was Swedish hunk of man-meat Alex Skarsgård, who definitely made his street cred as a Stephen Uber-Fan known. Stephen appeared to be touched at Skarsgård’s numerous attempts to flatter the host. It was so sweet that he made it to a taping before appearing as first guest himself. What an awesome guy.
Side note: when Stephen came back from break, he commented on the little Swedish “snack” of fish paste and crackers Skarsgård had with him, saying, “that smoked roe that I ate tasted like all of low tide.”
Next up was Natasha Leggero confessing her nightmare Aussie boyfriend stories, and also complimenting Stephen’s exemplary dance skills. I also loved her shimmery, colorful dress.
The early segments about bloggers who are chagrined to find that no one reads their posts and just blindly share links was…um….humbling. Someone is reading this post right now, right? I mean, you are? Thank you.
We also had Brian Stack on as God to explain why he allowed poor Cleveland to finally have something to get excited about – winning the NBA championship after a 52-year drought. Also, Stephen treated us to some “Trump Bump” dancing as he gave updates on his campaign; mostly, the update is no one knows what the heck is going on.
God Wanted Cleveland to Win NBA Championship
Stephen: Wait a second Lord, you ended the Warriors historic season because of Steph Curry’s shoes?
God (voiced by Brian Stack): That’s not the only reason. Little Melissa Franklin of Shaker Heights, OH said her nighttime prayers. Meanwhile, Jimmy Conklin in Oakland was having impure thoughts about his camp counselor. It’s a shame. You destroyed the greatest season of all time, Jimmy. I hope it was worth it, you little pervert.
Stephen: I gotta say, this makes you seem kinda petty.
God: Stephen, have you read the Bible? I mean, c’mon I told Abraham to kill his son just to see if he was into me. hahaha! Good times.
Stephen: …Why did you make Cleveland suffer for so long?
God: What do you mean? I have blessed the people of Cleveland with so much. For example, the Rock ’n Roll Hall of Fame…and, uh… that basketball game last night!
Stephen: Well, it’s nice to know you don’t have anything against Cleveland.
God: Oh heavens no, it’s Chicago I’m going to punish. Oh man, you should see what I have planned for the second half of the Cubs season. You ever see someone pitch with leprosy? Hahaha. Gives new meaning to the term “knuckle ball.”
What’s Happening Inside the Trump Campaign?
Citing the tedious nature of having to talk about Trump every night, Stephen introduces a new dance, “The Trump Bump.” I think Colbert is determined to find some joy with this relentless (and frightening) phenomenon that is the Trump candidacy.
tumblr | missmysteriousm
Dad & Cheerio Segment
Stephen covered a story about a new, dumb meme where Dads see how many cheerios they can stack on their sleeping babies faces. Yeah. Really. (Eye roll.)
Stephen’s Live Colonoscopy Ends in Disaster- Alexander Skarsgård Still Missing
The next segment really rang true with yours truly, because I have been blogging about Stephen and his work for so many years now. I only hope his visible contempt wasn’t directed at the Hub! 😉 Blogging is a pretty humbling and often thankless profession, to be sure.
“But let me talk to the online writers out there as part of the dwindling broadcast TV industry: did someone not read your internet post and retweet it for you? I’m so sorry for you! […] Now do you feel your whole life is wasted because nobody reads your clickety-click? PEOPLE LEAVE ME ON THE BACKGROUND WHILE THEY HAVE SEX! BY THEMSELVES. Why don’t you write an article about that that no one will ever read? #tragic”
What did y’all think of the episode? Let us know in the comments.