EPISODE NUMBER: 9071 (March 5, 2013)
GUESTS: James Franco | Michael Oren
SEGMENTS: Hugo Chavez & Jon Stewart | Obama’s Israel Trip | Obama’s Israel Trip – Michael Oren | Mars Flyby Mission | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Grey suit jacket | light blue dress shirt | Red tie with red and blue stripes
VIDEOS: Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Intro – 3/5/13
“Tonight! President Obama says ‘Aloha’ to Israel. Then my guest James Franco is the star of the new movie, ‘Oz, the Great and Powerful’. I’ll nail him and his little dog too.”
“Queen Elizabeth has been released from the hospital for what they say is a stomach bug. Either that, or there’s another royal baby on the way. This is the Colbert Report.”
Hugo Chavez & Jon Stewart
Two big breaking stories to start the show. Kinda fun when that happens.
“There are two huge breaking stories tonight. First,Hugo Chavez…is dead. This leaves a big hole in South American politics and an even bigger collection of flag track suits.”
The other big breaking news is that Jon is leaving the Daily Show for twelve weeks in the summer. Stephen revealed why:
“We wish him all the best in his new project, ruling the country of Venezuela.”
Is it wrong to love how the death of a country’s leader makes for a great opportunity for comedy gold? Well, in this case, it did. Jon looks pretty good in that beret.
Obama’s Israel Trip
Obama is visiting Israel for the first time, since becoming President. Wow. Really?
“Oh now he thinks he can wipe out his shameful record of never visiting Israel, by visiting Israel. It is a shonda. Do not fall for it my chosen brethren, my he-bros.”
Obama will be receiving the Presidential Medal of Distinction while he is over there. It’s made of chocolate, though so it doesn’t seem like that big a deal.
Apparently, Benjamin Netanyahu wanted…what is his name?
Since Netanyahu aligned himself with Romney, will that make things awkward when Obama visits?
Obama’s Israel Trip – Michael Oren
The Ambassador from Israel to the United States came on to discuss the trip Obama will take and confirm how we are super BFF’s with Israel. Also, to say that Netanyahu really likes Obama and he didn’t really want that other guy…what was his name?
Michael: Israel doesn’t get involved in internal politics.
Stephen: You’re adorable, you are adorable!
Michael: I’m from Washington, DC
Stephen: You’re from Israel. What are you talking about?
Michael: I work in Washington.
Stephen: You’re gonna pull a Captain Kirk, ‘I work in space, I’m from Iowa.’
Mars Flyby Mission
Dennis Tito, rich guy, wants to send a married couple to Mars. In order to do that, they will have to put up with lots of human waste. Like, A LOT of human waste. Sign me up!
Tito wants to do this because he’s been waiting a long time to see someone go out past the moon. He’s been waiting and waiting.
“This brave entrepreneur will send two astronauts to Mars for the noblest of reasons, impatience. It reminds me of John F Kennedy’s speech about sending a man to the moon”:
“This… journey is not for the faint of heart. It will have no showers, limited toilet paper and clothing use, drinking water made from the astronauts’ recycled urine and sweat and almost no privacy. Basically it’s a Carnival Cruise.”
Apparently out in space you can suffer from advanced Alzheimer’s from exposure to radiation from the sun. So in order to protect the astronauts on board, they must use a poop shield. It’s a shield. It’s made of poop. Yup.
The people who will be selected to go on this adventure will be a married couple. This is because of the cramped close quarters.
“They can redecorate. One side of the capsule gets her poop, one side gets his poop, or they can alternate; her poop, his poop.”
James Franco
He came on to talk about “Oz: The Great and Powerful”. He plays the title role.
He is also going to be in “Of Mice and Men” on Broadway and he mentioned that they are still casting…Stephen? hello? Stephen didn’t commit.
Oh James, when will you learn that there is no bigger Tolkien geek than Stephen? The Renaissance man may be good at everything, but there is no one better at one thing than Stephen, and that one thing is Tolkien.
(apologies in case of misspellings. I know nothing about Tolkien, guys)
James: Name me two…just two of the Valar.
Stephen: (pauses for dramatic effect) Do you want the Valar of water Omo or do you want the hunter of the Valar Oromea or do you want the Valar of the trees….(anyone smell smoke?)
Stephen goes onto list about seven more.
Stephen: You come into my house? You come into my house? How dare you!!
Smoked Franco:
“That’s it for the Report everybody, Goodnight!”
March 5, 2013 — James Franco
EPISODE NUMBER: 9071 (March 5, 2013)
GUESTS: James Franco | Michael Oren
SEGMENTS: Hugo Chavez & Jon Stewart | Obama’s Israel Trip | Obama’s Israel Trip – Michael Oren | Mars Flyby Mission | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Grey suit jacket | light blue dress shirt | Red tie with red and blue stripes
VIDEOS: Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Intro – 3/5/13
“Tonight! President Obama says ‘Aloha’ to Israel. Then my guest James Franco is the star of the new movie, ‘Oz, the Great and Powerful’. I’ll nail him and his little dog too.”
Hugo Chavez & Jon Stewart
Two big breaking stories to start the show. Kinda fun when that happens.
“There are two huge breaking stories tonight. First,Hugo Chavez…is dead. This leaves a big hole in South American politics and an even bigger collection of flag track suits.”
The other big breaking news is that Jon is leaving the Daily Show for twelve weeks in the summer. Stephen revealed why:
“We wish him all the best in his new project, ruling the country of Venezuela.”
Is it wrong to love how the death of a country’s leader makes for a great opportunity for comedy gold? Well, in this case, it did. Jon looks pretty good in that beret.
Obama’s Israel Trip
Obama is visiting Israel for the first time, since becoming President. Wow. Really?
“Oh now he thinks he can wipe out his shameful record of never visiting Israel, by visiting Israel. It is a shonda. Do not fall for it my chosen brethren, my he-bros.”
Obama will be receiving the Presidential Medal of Distinction while he is over there. It’s made of chocolate, though so it doesn’t seem like that big a deal.
Apparently, Benjamin Netanyahu wanted…what is his name?
Since Netanyahu aligned himself with Romney, will that make things awkward when Obama visits?
Obama’s Israel Trip – Michael Oren
The Ambassador from Israel to the United States came on to discuss the trip Obama will take and confirm how we are super BFF’s with Israel. Also, to say that Netanyahu really likes Obama and he didn’t really want that other guy…what was his name?
Michael: Israel doesn’t get involved in internal politics.
Stephen: You’re adorable, you are adorable!
Michael: I’m from Washington, DC
Stephen: You’re from Israel. What are you talking about?
Michael: I work in Washington.
Stephen: You’re gonna pull a Captain Kirk, ‘I work in space, I’m from Iowa.’
Mars Flyby Mission
Dennis Tito, rich guy, wants to send a married couple to Mars. In order to do that, they will have to put up with lots of human waste. Like, A LOT of human waste. Sign me up!
Tito wants to do this because he’s been waiting a long time to see someone go out past the moon. He’s been waiting and waiting.
“This brave entrepreneur will send two astronauts to Mars for the noblest of reasons, impatience. It reminds me of John F Kennedy’s speech about sending a man to the moon”:
“This… journey is not for the faint of heart. It will have no showers, limited toilet paper and clothing use, drinking water made from the astronauts’ recycled urine and sweat and almost no privacy. Basically it’s a Carnival Cruise.”
Apparently out in space you can suffer from advanced Alzheimer’s from exposure to radiation from the sun. So in order to protect the astronauts on board, they must use a poop shield. It’s a shield. It’s made of poop. Yup.
The people who will be selected to go on this adventure will be a married couple. This is because of the cramped close quarters.
“They can redecorate. One side of the capsule gets her poop, one side gets his poop, or they can alternate; her poop, his poop.”
James Franco
He came on to talk about “Oz: The Great and Powerful”. He plays the title role.
He is also going to be in “Of Mice and Men” on Broadway and he mentioned that they are still casting…Stephen? hello? Stephen didn’t commit.
Oh James, when will you learn that there is no bigger Tolkien geek than Stephen? The Renaissance man may be good at everything, but there is no one better at one thing than Stephen, and that one thing is Tolkien.
(apologies in case of misspellings. I know nothing about Tolkien, guys)
James: Name me two…just two of the Valar.
Stephen: (pauses for dramatic effect) Do you want the Valar of water Omo or do you want the hunter of the Valar Oromea or do you want the Valar of the trees….(anyone smell smoke?)
Stephen goes onto list about seven more.
Stephen: You come into my house? You come into my house? How dare you!!
Smoked Franco:
“That’s it for the Report everybody, Goodnight!”