EPISODE NUMBER: 10107 (May 20, 2014)
GUESTS: Matthew Weiner
SEGMENTS: China’s Cyber Spies | The GOP’s Gloves-Off Approach to Hillary Clinton | Google and the Right to be Forgotten | Matthew Weiner | Sign Off – Goodbye Kiss
SUIT REPORT: Navy Suit | White Shirt | Grey/Light Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, May 20, 2014
China’s Cyber Spies
- I come to you tonight with terrifying news. The internet is under attack.
- Shut off your smart phones, close your laptops and remain focused on your TV.
Unless you’re watching online right now, in which case, to keep you safe I’m gonna close all of your other tabs. You’re welcome.
- We cannot be too careful, ’cause our frenemies in China are spreading a world wide web of lies.
“For the first time ever charges are being filed against Chinese state officials, accusing them of espionage.” “Five officials work for a super secret spy cell, know as Unit 61398…”
- Yes, cyber spies. It’s like being a regular spy, but instead of a tuxedo you wear an Adventure Time t-shirt with nacho stains.
The Justice Department has put out this wanted poster to help us identify these dangerous online criminals. So, look for it at the post office when you go to pick up your email.
- Folks, this is a true rogue’s gallery. For instance, Gu Chunhui, who also goes by the alias “Kandy Goo.”
- A clever way to pass for an American – name yourself after our two most popular foods.
- And the infamous “Wang Dong.” Whose name in English, of course, translates to Peter Johnson, Jr.
- It is about time they nailed Wang Dong. I get email offers from Wang Dong all the time and the pills he sold me never arrived. Now how will she call me “Mr. Pleasure Outside of Extraordinary Power Manhood?”
- And just listen to the devious way they cyber-hacked our mainframe box.
“A favorite technique, the government says, is ‘spearfishing’ – sending an innocuous looking email that, when opened, secretly installs malware, letting the hackers get access to company data.”
- This exploits a weakness in our encryption software. The fact that “…At least one employee will click on anything.”
- There’s your problem. That one stupid employee. I mean, how hard can it be just to not click on an email?
- Here, I’ll show you how it’s done. Ok, here’s what you do. Open your email. Ok? And if you see a message from someone you don’t recognize, you delete it. Now, the next thing you need to do …
Hold on. I just got an email from a Mr. America Q. Safetytrust. Subject: Big Job Promotion Meeting Open Now. Sounds important. He we go.
- Ok, nothing in here about a promotion. Maybe it’s in the attachment. Oh, hey! It’s a game! I just take the files on my desktop and feed them to this hungry panda. Oh!! He smiled when he ate our corporate strategy memo! Uh-oh, time’s running out. I better put everything in one folder. Eat, quick, high score! Woo-hoo!
- You know who would love this? My buddy who works at The Pentagon. And … forward.
The GOP’s Gloves-Off Approach to Hillary Clinton
- Folks, last week my good friend, Karl Rove, posed an innocent question: Does Hillary Clinton have brain damage?
- And ever since Karl floated this idea or dropped a floater, as we say in the pundit game, the Republican party has faced accusations that they’re a bunch of scaredy cats.
“The Republicans are so afraid of a Hillary Clinton candidacy that they hope to talk her out of running.” “Karl Rove is very much afraid of Hillary Clinton.” “This was such a bunch of nonsense. And really, I think, it demonstrates how utterly afraid they are of her.”
That’s ridiculous. We’re not afraid of Hillary Clinton. If we were, why would I be laughing like this?
- So, you better think twice, Hillary. After all, the election is still two years away and we’ve already opened a can a metaphorical whoop ass.
“Let’s remember: If she goes into the political fray – into that ring – the gloves are off and the bell is ringing.” “I think what Karl Rove did in that little comment, is he gave a real signal to the Clintons that we’re gonna play, the gloves are gonna be off … Don’t think that we’re gonna give special treatment to Mrs. Clinton because she’s a woman.”
- Ding-ding! Gloves are coming off. This is hand-to-hand combat and the GOP will not be the Jay-Z to Hillary’s Solange.
- For one thing, Republicans would never get into an elevator with that many black people.
- For another, just because Hillary is a woman doesn’t mean they’re gonna pull any political punches. Or punches period. Because punching women is now okay. Right, TV people?
Whoopi Goldberg: “If a woman hits you, to me you have the right to hit her back.”
Gavin McInnes: “My wife is an American Indian and she has this switch that goes off and I go ‘Ok, you can hit me 12 times.’ I just go ’1, 2, 3′ and then after 12, I go ‘Boosh!’” Fox anchor: “You’re saying you’ve hit your wife?” Gavin: “I’ve hit my wife.”
Bob Beckel: “I got bit by a woman once, right in the collar bone. She wouldn’t let go, so I had to punch her. It was the only way I could get her off. Otherwise, I was gonna die.”
- Hey, you can’t blame Bob for punching a woman for biting his collar bone. I mean, he’s clearly delicious. And once she got a taste of well marbled Beckel, there was no way she was gonna stop. I mean, that meat is tender! He’s marinating in his own sadness.
- The point is, if we’re gonna stop Hillary Clinton, nothing is out of bounds. We’ve gotta be completely vicious to her. Because the only alternative is running a candidate that people like.
Oh my God. We gotta hit her hard.
Google and the Right to be Forgotten
- The internet also has a dark side. It remembers every shameful thing you’ve ever done and that has hurt a lot of good people. Also, Anthony Weiner.
- Folks, even I am not immune. I recently Googled myself and found some very disturbing old photos.
What if my children stubble across that and find out I used to be a child? My children would lose all respect for me. “You can’t make me clean my room! You’re just some old kid!”
- Luckily, the European Union has pioneered the answer.
“You have the right to be forgotten. That is what the EU Court told Google.” “The European Court now requiring Google to remove certain sensitive information from the web about customers.”
- I want to congratulate Europe for taking this bold step. And it’s no wonder they did, ’cause I did a little Googling this afternoon and I can see why Europe would want to hide their past.
I mean, the Inquisition and that band that did “Barbie Girl?” The Hague has got their hands full.
Interview – Matthew Weiner
Stephen: It’s been on for seven seasons and let me see if I can describe what has happened. Let me summarize it. Don smoked, banged everything on the Eastern seaboard, sold some soap, was grim about it and smoked some more. Is he a criticism of the American male? Because I’m an American male. Should I be taking this personally?
Matthew: I don’t think it’s meant as a negative thing. I always sort of thought he was about the sort of split message that the American male gets. That you are told to be attractive. On the one hand you have to be like little league coach and like PTA guy, great husband, great dad. On the other hand, you are supposed to smoke as much, drink as much and get laid as much as possible. Those two messages are being sent at the same time.
Matthew: I really wanted to tell the story that I think our view of the 60s has been passed down by a certain generation that was even a little bit older than you and I are. And they have a very rosy picture about the 60s.
Stephen: The Baby Boomers. They won’t let us stop thinking about the 60s.
Matthew: They think they invented sex, drugs and, you know, they have a view of it that is a child’s view of it. So, I wanted to sort of say, like, what would it be if you were an adult that had lived through, let’s say, some fairly interesting things like World War II and the Great Depression and then this comes along. There was tremendous change and the cliche “turbulence” and free love and things like that. But there’s free love in the 1920s, there’s free love in the 1930s, the Beatnik Movement of the 1950s. No one invented any of this. What really happened was there was a generation that was asked very little. They got education, they got a lot of entertainment, they got a lot of spending money, they became the focus of the economy, of entertainment, of everything. There was a war going on, which they were supposed to fight. Some of them didn’t. But the generation before them, all of them fought. And they have a very sort of demanding thing. I experience it in real life. They’ll come up to me and be like, “Well, what happened to this?” Or “What happened to that?” And I’m like, “I’m not telling your story. I’m telling the story of your parents or, you know, your grandparents.”
May 20, 2014 — Matthew Weiner
EPISODE NUMBER: 10107 (May 20, 2014)
GUESTS: Matthew Weiner
SEGMENTS: China’s Cyber Spies | The GOP’s Gloves-Off Approach to Hillary Clinton | Google and the Right to be Forgotten | Matthew Weiner | Sign Off – Goodbye Kiss
SUIT REPORT: Navy Suit | White Shirt | Grey/Light Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, May 20, 2014
China’s Cyber Spies
Unless you’re watching online right now, in which case, to keep you safe I’m gonna close all of your other tabs. You’re welcome.
The Justice Department has put out this wanted poster to help us identify these dangerous online criminals. So, look for it at the post office when you go to pick up your email.
Hold on. I just got an email from a Mr. America Q. Safetytrust. Subject: Big Job Promotion Meeting Open Now. Sounds important. He we go.
The GOP’s Gloves-Off Approach to Hillary Clinton
That’s ridiculous. We’re not afraid of Hillary Clinton. If we were, why would I be laughing like this?
Oh my God. We gotta hit her hard.
Google and the Right to be Forgotten
What if my children stubble across that and find out I used to be a child? My children would lose all respect for me. “You can’t make me clean my room! You’re just some old kid!”
I mean, the Inquisition and that band that did “Barbie Girl?” The Hague has got their hands full.
Interview – Matthew Weiner
Stephen: It’s been on for seven seasons and let me see if I can describe what has happened. Let me summarize it. Don smoked, banged everything on the Eastern seaboard, sold some soap, was grim about it and smoked some more. Is he a criticism of the American male? Because I’m an American male. Should I be taking this personally?
Matthew: I don’t think it’s meant as a negative thing. I always sort of thought he was about the sort of split message that the American male gets. That you are told to be attractive. On the one hand you have to be like little league coach and like PTA guy, great husband, great dad. On the other hand, you are supposed to smoke as much, drink as much and get laid as much as possible. Those two messages are being sent at the same time.
Matthew: I really wanted to tell the story that I think our view of the 60s has been passed down by a certain generation that was even a little bit older than you and I are. And they have a very rosy picture about the 60s.
Stephen: The Baby Boomers. They won’t let us stop thinking about the 60s.
Matthew: They think they invented sex, drugs and, you know, they have a view of it that is a child’s view of it. So, I wanted to sort of say, like, what would it be if you were an adult that had lived through, let’s say, some fairly interesting things like World War II and the Great Depression and then this comes along. There was tremendous change and the cliche “turbulence” and free love and things like that. But there’s free love in the 1920s, there’s free love in the 1930s, the Beatnik Movement of the 1950s. No one invented any of this. What really happened was there was a generation that was asked very little. They got education, they got a lot of entertainment, they got a lot of spending money, they became the focus of the economy, of entertainment, of everything. There was a war going on, which they were supposed to fight. Some of them didn’t. But the generation before them, all of them fought. And they have a very sort of demanding thing. I experience it in real life. They’ll come up to me and be like, “Well, what happened to this?” Or “What happened to that?” And I’m like, “I’m not telling your story. I’m telling the story of your parents or, you know, your grandparents.”