EPISODE NUMBER: 10101 (May 7, 2014)
GUESTS: David Remnick
SEGMENTS: Intro – 05/07/2014 | Vibrant Constipation Pill | Tip/Wag – Herald Embroidery, Bug Scientists & Dana Perino | Ukraine in the Membrane | David Remnick | Sign Off — Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Gray Pinstriped Suit | White Shirt | Baby blue striped tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, May 7, 2014
“This crowd tonight is as crisp as a new stalk of celery. That is why I will never phone it in, ’til the last drop.”
Never being a fan of the occasional product placement “sponsortunities” on the Report, it was great to see Stephen yet again do it in such a way that was truly funny and not betraying the principles of the show. It’ll never be as good as Wheat Thins, but that is self explanatory.
I was curious as to what spurred the comments I highlighted above in the screengrab about “phoning it in.” I hope someone in the audience didn’t suggest that. Stephen phone it in – never!
What grabbed your attention in this ep? Speak your mind in the comments.
MORE TO COME!
Intro – 05/07/2014
- Tonight! Fox News uncovers a new scandal. One of their shows wasn’t talking about Benghazi!
- Then, more Eastern European conflict. Last night my Russian dressing got on my chicken Kiev.
- Then, my guest David Remnick has a collection of New Yorker pieces from the 1940s. You know, the ones your grandparents always meant to read, but didn’t.
- 17% of Americans say they would have sex with a robot. The other 83% are liars. This is The Colbert Report!
Stephen remains steadfastly determined to bring you totally non-phoned-in episodes of “The Colbert Report.”
Vibrant Constipation Pill
- Before I say anything else tonight, I’d like to say, “T-Mobile.” T-Mobile, proud sponsor of that thing I just said. You see I agreed years ago that every now and then that I would do these integrated sponsorships on the Report to help with the production bills and that was that was. So.
- A pill that vibrates your constipation away. Sorry prunes, you just lost your job to a robot. The new pill is called Vibrant, a combination of the word “Vibrate” and (grunts) “nnnnnt”.
- And I know what you’re saying: “Stephen, where do I sign up for waves of waste?” That’s my only problem with this pill: you can’t get it, it’s still in clinical trials. But you folks out there need relief now. Which is why I recommend you folks put your phones on vibrate and shove it where the sun don’t shine.
- And while you’re at it, why not make it a top-of-the-line smartphone from T-Mobile? Because when you have the fastest nationwide 4G LTE network, you can call your colon from anywhere in the country with great reception, no matter how far you’ve jammed it up there.
- T-Mobile will cover up to 5 devices under one plan; finally, the whole family can nestle them in their rectums.
“T-Mobile did not ask me to say any of this. All the marketing team asked is that I “not position the brand in a negative light.’ And that is not a problem. Where I’m telling you to position it, there isn’t any light at all. “
Tip/Wag – Herald Embroidery, Bug Scientists & Dana Perino
- Nation, I always want to know what you think, right after I tell you what that is. This is Tip/Wag!
“Dear God, she is hung like a horse fly. Jimmy, please, it’s a family show. Take it down!”
“Female penises? Male vaginas? Thanks, gay marriage!”
Ukraine in the Membrane
“Armed pro-Russia militias have seized government buildings in several Ukrainian cities, including Donetsk, Slovyansk, aaanddd…I’m gonna say, ‘Chief.’”
Interview – David Remnick
“I’m sorry, I got to get rid of these ‘New Yorkers’ – they stack up after a while. “
May 7, 2014 – David Remnick
EPISODE NUMBER: 10101 (May 7, 2014)
GUESTS: David Remnick
SEGMENTS: Intro – 05/07/2014 | Vibrant Constipation Pill | Tip/Wag – Herald Embroidery, Bug Scientists & Dana Perino | Ukraine in the Membrane | David Remnick | Sign Off — Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Gray Pinstriped Suit | White Shirt | Baby blue striped tie
VIDEOS: Wednesday, May 7, 2014
“This crowd tonight is as crisp as a new stalk of celery. That is why I will never phone it in, ’til the last drop.”
Never being a fan of the occasional product placement “sponsortunities” on the Report, it was great to see Stephen yet again do it in such a way that was truly funny and not betraying the principles of the show. It’ll never be as good as Wheat Thins, but that is self explanatory.
I was curious as to what spurred the comments I highlighted above in the screengrab about “phoning it in.” I hope someone in the audience didn’t suggest that. Stephen phone it in – never!
What grabbed your attention in this ep? Speak your mind in the comments.
MORE TO COME!
Intro – 05/07/2014
Stephen remains steadfastly determined to bring you totally non-phoned-in episodes of “The Colbert Report.”
Vibrant Constipation Pill
“T-Mobile did not ask me to say any of this. All the marketing team asked is that I “not position the brand in a negative light.’ And that is not a problem. Where I’m telling you to position it, there isn’t any light at all. “
Tip/Wag – Herald Embroidery, Bug Scientists & Dana Perino
“Dear God, she is hung like a horse fly. Jimmy, please, it’s a family show. Take it down!”
“Female penises? Male vaginas? Thanks, gay marriage!”
Ukraine in the Membrane
“Armed pro-Russia militias have seized government buildings in several Ukrainian cities, including Donetsk, Slovyansk, aaanddd…I’m gonna say, ‘Chief.’”
Interview – David Remnick
“I’m sorry, I got to get rid of these ‘New Yorkers’ – they stack up after a while. “