EPISODE NUMBER: 11022 (November 11, 2014)
GUESTS: Diane von Furstenberg
SEGMENTS: Intro – 11/11/14 | Uncertain Death for ISIS’s Leader | Blowback From Obama’s Visit to China | Tip/Wag – Breitbart | Diane von Furstenberg | Sign Off – Cheerful Reflection
SUIT REPORT: Grey Suit | White Shirt | Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Intro – 11/11/14
Tonight, Obama makes an important visit to China. Oh, he’s too good to order takeout like the rest of us. Then, who will be America’s new Attorney General? And, did I just pitch a reality show to C-Span? And, my guest tonight is legendary fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg, whose new book is “The Woman I Wanted To Be.” For me, it was always Nancy Reagan. Usher is releasing his latest single inside boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios. I can’t believe Honey Nut Cheerios sold out like that.
Uncertain Death for ISIS’s Leader
- Nation, as much as this administration would like us to forget it, we are just in the opening chapters of our ongoing war on terror, and over the weekend, there may have been a major plot twist.
“Conflicting reports on the fate of the leader of ISIS, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. US warplanes attacking a convoy near Mosul in Iraq this weekend. It’s unknown if their top guy was among them.”
“The leader of ISIS, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, may be dead tonight.”
- Yeah, we maybe got you, sucker! Rest in possibly!
- Folks, I am theoretically pumped that this brutal murderer is hypothetically out of the picture. I say, let’s bring the champagne to room temperature so it’s ready to chill if that proves necessary!
- And while I, of course, would like to know for certain that the monster who promised to turn New York into an ash-heap is deceased, at least this uncertainty gives our tabloids time to stock up on their zinger headlines, like when Saddam was sentenced to hang, the New York Post went with “Good Noose.”
Or when we killed bin Laden and found porn in his compound, they hit us with this actual headline. “Osama bin Wankin.”
- Once we know al-Baghdadi is dead for sure, there’s gonna be a gold rush for the perfect headline. Which is why I’m staking my claim tonight and hereby copyright the following phrases:
- Al-Bagh-Dead-y
- Body-Baghdadi
- Much Abu About Nothing
- Let’s Caliph The Whole Thing Off
- And…Bakr Not To The Future
Blowback From Obama’s Visit to China
- Nation, I know I’ve often called President Obama a national embarrassment, but I can’t do that tonight because, tonight, he’s an international embarrassment.
- This time, he’s in China, where he’s attending an economic summit and, once again, he has embarrassed America.
- When he should be over there chewing China out, he was chewing something else.
“A faux pas by President Obama. Some are accusing him of being rude for emerging from his car yesterday chewing gum.”
“There have been reports in Chinese media that the Chinese here in Beijing were offended by the President’s gum chewing. Mr. Obama was seen chewing his Nicorette gum.”
- So, it’s no wonder that Obama was characterized by Chinese internet users as an impolite “idler” or careless “rapper.”
Rest in peace, Two-Pack. You, too, Wrigley Smalls.
- Fox Business analyst and unshaved speed-bag Bo Dietl got his Dietl all over this story.
Bo Dietl (screaming): He’s over in China now! Let the other guy eat sum yung yo yew – whatever he’s eatin’ over there! Sum yung yoo eee! Who cares about China?! They are invading all of our computers! They’re breaching! They’re hacking! He’s over there! “Hello.” I’m sure he bowed 16 times to these guys. Stop it! President, what you should be bowing to is your veterans! That’s who you should be bowing to instead of the head of Saudi Arabia! Uga, uga, uga!
Yeah! Obama’s chowin’ down on yim yum yoo yoo while the Chinese are breaching our computer bleep-bloop boxes! So stop giving bing bang bow wows to the king kong ching chongs! The troops are the ones who deserve our ooga-oogas!
Tip/Wag – Breitbart
- Nation, if you’ve watched this show night after night for nine years, and I hope you have, I believe in giving you the whole truth and nothing but the truth, as long as you don’t ask about the shed in my yard. There’s nothing in there.
- First up, with Republicans set to take over Congress in January, I have been appalled to see Barack Obama brazenly still being president.
- Case in executive overreach, this weekend, he named his choice to succeed Attorney General Eric Holder.
“President Barack Obama announces he wants US attorney, Loretta Lynch, to take over the Justice Department. 55-year-old Lynch would be the first black woman to hold the post of Attorney General.”
President Obama: “She has spent years in the trenches as a prosecutor aggressively fighting terrorism, financial fraud, cyber crime, all the while vigorously defending civil rights.”
Loretta Lynch: “I will wake up every morning with the protection of the American people my first thought.”
- Folks, that fact is Lynch simply isn’t qualified for the job. I read all about it over the weekend, when Brietbart.Gov journalist and Wilford Brimley tribute head, Warner Todd Huston, blew the lid off the scandal that Lynch was “a part of Bill Clinton’s Whitewater probe defense team in 1992.”
- Kids, if you’re too young to remember, Whitewater was the Benghazi of Arkansas real estate.
- The bombshell destroys Loretta Lynch’s credibility to be Attorney General, if it were true.
- But it turns out, Teddy Roosevelt here had the wrong Loretta Lynch.
This is the Attorney General nominee. This is the one who defended Clinton during Whitewater. And there’s just no way to tell these two women apart.
- But as soon as walrus-man noticed the mistake, Brietbart issued a correction by leaving up the same headline and adding the word “corrected.”
Tip of the Hat: Brietbart
- So I’m giving a Tip of the Hat to Breitbart for breaking this news, finding out it’s broken, but sticking with the story anyway.
- Because no matter who she actually is, I still stand against the nomination of Loretta Lynch. I just don’t think a coalminer’s daughter has any place as Attorney General.
Interview – Diane von Furstenberg
My guest tonight has a new reality show called “House of D.V.F.” To savor the interview, you will want to record it on your “Box of D.V.R.”
Stephen: Were you making other women into the woman you wanted to be or they wanted to be?
Diane: No!
Stephen: Doesn’t fashion do that to us? Doesn’t it say this is what you will be wearing this year, darling?
Diane: No! No!
Stephen: Green is out! It’s all cerulium this year!
Diane: No, no, no. All I do is I give women the little tricks, the little things that are going to make them look sexy and feel empowered.
Stephen: Why don’t you do that for men? Don’t we deserve to feel sexy and empowered as well? You’re a feminist icon. Aren’t you being sexist against men? What makes a man sexy?
Diane: Viagra.
Stephen: A lot of women say, oh, you men have it easy. You wear suits, stuff like that. If women don’t have the dress uniform for work the way men are told the way they do for a suit, if you could design the thing women wore as a work uniform as a suit, what would it be?
Diane: Confidence.
November 11, 2014 — Diane von Furstenberg
EPISODE NUMBER: 11022 (November 11, 2014)
GUESTS: Diane von Furstenberg
SEGMENTS: Intro – 11/11/14 | Uncertain Death for ISIS’s Leader | Blowback From Obama’s Visit to China | Tip/Wag – Breitbart | Diane von Furstenberg | Sign Off – Cheerful Reflection
SUIT REPORT: Grey Suit | White Shirt | Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Intro – 11/11/14
Uncertain Death for ISIS’s Leader
Or when we killed bin Laden and found porn in his compound, they hit us with this actual headline. “Osama bin Wankin.”
Blowback From Obama’s Visit to China
Rest in peace, Two-Pack. You, too, Wrigley Smalls.
Yeah! Obama’s chowin’ down on yim yum yoo yoo while the Chinese are breaching our computer bleep-bloop boxes! So stop giving bing bang bow wows to the king kong ching chongs! The troops are the ones who deserve our ooga-oogas!
Tip/Wag – Breitbart
This is the Attorney General nominee. This is the one who defended Clinton during Whitewater. And there’s just no way to tell these two women apart.
Tip of the Hat: Brietbart
Interview – Diane von Furstenberg
Stephen: Were you making other women into the woman you wanted to be or they wanted to be?
Diane: No!
Stephen: Doesn’t fashion do that to us? Doesn’t it say this is what you will be wearing this year, darling?
Diane: No! No!
Stephen: Green is out! It’s all cerulium this year!
Diane: No, no, no. All I do is I give women the little tricks, the little things that are going to make them look sexy and feel empowered.
Stephen: Why don’t you do that for men? Don’t we deserve to feel sexy and empowered as well? You’re a feminist icon. Aren’t you being sexist against men? What makes a man sexy?
Diane: Viagra.
Stephen: A lot of women say, oh, you men have it easy. You wear suits, stuff like that. If women don’t have the dress uniform for work the way men are told the way they do for a suit, if you could design the thing women wore as a work uniform as a suit, what would it be?
Diane: Confidence.