November 6, 2014 — Steven Johnson

EPISODE NUMBER: 11019 (November 6, 2014)
GUESTS: Steven Johnson
SEGMENTS: Intro – 11/6/14 | Busted for Feeding the Homeless | Cheating Death – Age Reversal & Arsenic Cancer Cure | The Republicans’ Inspiring Message on Climate Change | Steven Johnson | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Dark Pin Stripped Suit | Light Blue Shirt | Grey/Light Blue Stripped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, November 6, 2014

Intro – 11/6/14

Have soccer players regained the use of their hands? Then, Republicans address climate change by burning the midnight oil. And my guest, science writer Steven Johnson has a new book and TV series called “How We Got To Now.” I’ll talk to him when I get to then. The upcoming “Star Wars” movie is titled “The Force Awakens.” It fell asleep during “The Phantom Menace.”

Busted for Feeding the Homeless

• Nation, if you watch this show — and I hope you do — you know that no one in this country is tougher on crime than yours truly. […] So I’m happy to report that this week, a dangerous fugitive has been brought to justice.

“The 90-year-old man busted for feeding the homeless. Arnold Abbott is his name. He faces possible jail time and a $500 fine for preparing meals for the needy in a church kitchen. A new ordinance in Fort Lauderdale outlaws groups from sharing food with the hungry.”

• This monster cannot claim he did not know better because he was doing all this out of a church kitchen. So, clearly, he knows what Jesus said in Matthew 25:35, “For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat. I was thirsty and — look out! The cops are here! Hide the loaves and the fishes!”

• I am glad to hear the police used maximum force to take the perp down.

Arnold Abbott: “One of the police officers came over and said, “Drop that plate, right now.” As though I was carrying a weapon.”

• Oh, food is much worse than weapons in Florida. If George Zimmerman had fed a guy in a hoodie, he’d be in jail.

• And folks, Fort Lauderdale needs these laws. Just ask Fort Lauderdale’s mayor.

Mayor Seiler: “We enforce the laws here in Fort Lauderdale. They will be arrested. If they break the law and it’s observed by one of our law enforcement officers they will be subject to arrest.”

“The mayor said he needs to look out for the good of all people in Fort Lauderdale, including taxpayers and tourists who want to use parks and beaches without being overrun by the homeless.”

• Exactly. Mayor Seiler must protect Fort Lauderdale’s tourism industry and a bunch of drunk people urinating on the beach is that industry.

*Dancing* Never once went to spring break.

• Besides, Fort Lauderdale is really looking out for the homeless.

Mayor Seiler: “This is a public safety issue. It’s a public health issue. The experts have all said — if you are going to simply feed them outdoors to get them from breakfast to lunch to dinner, all you’re doing is enabling that cycle of homelessness.”

• Yes, by feeding them, Abbott is causing them to be homeless. He’s really a food pusher. And for decades, this serial offender — I assume he serves breakfast — was down in his cook lab getting people hooked on the products or as it’s known by its street names, grub, nosh, chow. Chasing the nutritional dragon. Some of the people were so addicted, they needed their fix three times a day.

Cheating Death – Age Reversal & Arsenic Cancer Cure

• First, folks, a disclaimer. I am not a medical doctor. I have an honorary doctorate in Fine Arts. I can’t treat your rash, but I can compare it favorably to a Jackson Pollock.

• First up, aging. Folks, nobody wants to get older. That’s why I was so excited to hear about a breakthrough treatment that allows scientists to reverse the aging process in mice.

• Which means you can now turn back the clock and relive the early vital days of your rodent infestation.

• Even better, the man in charge of the study, Harvard Professor of Genetics, David Sinclair, says this age reversal could work in humans.

And I believe him, because this is what he looked like two weeks ago.

• If the promise of this research is realized, people everywhere could increase their lifespan to ages unseen in human history. So, there will be so many people turning 100, that Willard Scott and Smuckers will have their own channel.

• Folks, as you know, I have long supported the fight against breast cancer. In 2010, not only did I Race For The Cure, but when no one was looking, I also took a cab for the cure.

• As a confirmed bosom buddy, I was thrilled to hear a story about the Chilean city of Antofagasta which had a water source that turned out to be loaded with some extras.

“The water there contained 80 times the arsenic levels recommended by the World Health Organization.”

• That’s right, the World Health Organization has a recommended level of arsenic and it’s not zero.

• The town started using that water in 1958, discovered immediately 12 years later.

“Surprisingly, the researchers found the chemical was linked to a 50% drop in deaths from breast cancer.”

• Folks, this is fantastic news. Finally, a feel-good story about industrial runoff.

Sure, your neighborhood solvent plant may
ambiguous trout, but their breasts are cancer free.

• Folks, when you think known toxins, you think Prescott Pharmaceuticals. Which is why tonight, Prescott is proud to introduce Chernobyl Springs.

• With more than a million times the recommended daily allowance of vitamin U-235, it will Marie Curie what ails you.

The Republicans’ Inspiring Message on Climate Change

• Nation, Tuesday’s election loss was an historic loss for the Democratic party. I’d say they got their asses handed to them, but I don’t believe in handouts. You have to earn that ass, Democrats. And thanks to the loss, you don’t have to worry about global warming anymore – because the Senate sure won’t.

The environmental committee currently run by liberal Democrat, global warming believer, Barbara Boxer, will be replaced probably by James Inhofe, a conservative from Oklahoma who is as much of an opponent or skeptic about global warming as there is.

• Yes, the global warming believer is out and the global warming skeptic is in, so finally the environmental committee can focus on important issues like who’s stealing all our polar bears?

“And Senator James Inhofe is not your run-of-the-mill climate change denier. You could say he wrote the bookon it because he wrote the book on it: ‘The Greatest Hoax: How the Global Warming Conspiracy Threatens Your Future.’ Yeah. It is exciting. It’s like Harry Potter for people who thought [it] had too much science in it.”

• Of course, not all Republicans are as bold as Inhofe. In the face of overwhelming so-called evidence and actually-called evidence, they deployed a brilliant tactic during this last campaign.

• Case in point– newly elected Texas Land Commissioner George P. Bush– nephew of George W. Bush, grandson of George H.W. Bush, and future father of George underscore Bush– listen to George P., or P. Biddy, spit some not-knowledge:

Reporter: How big a threat is climate change to the Texas coastline?
George P. Bush: The Texas coastline is impacted by rising sea levels. And, again, the question is whether or not that’s manmade, and I’ll leave that to the scientists.
Reporter: But you don’t doubt human activity contributes to climate change?
George P. Bush: We’ll see in terms of the science, in terms– there’s a wide range that has been discussed. Again, I’m not a scientist by every stretch, but everywhere from no impact at all to 100%.

• Yeah, he’s no scientist. He’s no scientist. In fact, I’m impressed he was able to narrow it down to from 0 to 100%. How impressed am I? Somewhere between 0 and 100%.

Various politician’s soundbites: What I have said repeatedly is I’m not a scientist.

• Yes, everyone who denies man made climate change has the same stirring message–we don’t know what the f*&k we’re talking about.

• And I hope, I hope, I hope that these conservative leaders can inspire all the children out there watching to think to themselves, “hey, maybe some day I could grow up to be not a scientist.” Well, kids, now there’s a fun way to explore your own lack of curiosity at home.

• It’s time for my educational series “Professor Not a Scientist.” All you need is a glass casserole dish, okay. Then one of your mom’s pitchers filled with blue water. And get a detailed topographical model of America. Don’t be afraid to ask your parents for help hiring a props department to make this one for you.

• All right, let’s begin. (pours water on model) There you go. Uh-oh. Now what appears to be happening is that the water is rising. Why?

• One theory is… I don’t know, I’m not a scientist. (pours water) Oh, look, there goes Florida. And there’s no way of knowing why. Remember, kids, if you get unhooked on science early, maybe some day, you could completely lack any understanding of science and then grow up to be the Chairman of the Senate Environmental Committee.