November 9, 2015 – Ethan Hawke, Claire McCaskill, Amy Klobuchar, Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats

A new week of shows and a new blogger to kick them off. I’m Melanie and I’m incredibly excited to be joining the episode guides team. I’ve been a long-time follower of the Hub and am looking forward to sharing my thoughts and discussing the episodes with all of you. When I’m not trying to finish grad school, I spend my time making gifs in Photoshop so you might see those pop up in the guide from time to time. I also used to play the melodica when I was little- if I had known that I could be Stephen’s band leader with that skill, I sure would have practiced harder. And now without further ado, let’s get started. We have a lot of stuff to cover.

Monologue

Stephen had a productive weekend organizing closets, making Swedish meatballs and analyzing the new Japanese Star Wars trailer.

A lot of new footage in there that they didn’t put in the American trailer, for instance, we see a lot of the new droid BB-8. He’s a little beeping robot companion that moves around on a gyroscopic sphere. I don’t know where he comes from but my theory: R2-D2 had sex with a yoga ball.
And there’s a great shot of the TIE fighters racing after the millennium falcon; the new stormtroopers now have flamethrowers so I predict this year’s hot Christmas gift will be a lighter and a can of hair spray.
We also get a much better view of Kylo Ren’s fancy new three-pronged lightsaber. Of course, three blades means the first blade lifts, the second and third blades cut, giving you the galaxy’s closest shave.

Stephen also told us about the lightsaber battle he once had with George Lucas on The Colbert Report and how his attempts to impress him hilariously backfired:

His people at Industrial Light & Magic warned me that George does not call them lightsabers. He calls them laser swords. So during the commercial break I turned to George and I said: “Hey, would you like to have a laser sword fight?” And he said sure. And I’m feeling pretty good about myself until the second before we came back on the air. George leans in and says: “You should know most people call them lightsabers.”

Rainn Wilson Is The Bassoon King

The band welcomed two special guests last night: Singer Stacie Orrico and actor Rainn Wilson. The latter brought along his bassoon, much to Stephen’s delight:

I love all double reed woodwinds. Bassoon, oboe … all of them.

(Was anyone else reminded of the video of Paul and Stephen playing The Devil Went Down To Georgia?)

Rainn not only had his bassoon in tow, but also his new memoir “The Bassoon King”, and showed off his skills with a performance of soon-to-be a rock bassoon classic, “Dark Heart of the Reed”.

In true rock fashion, Rainn concluded his guest stint by completely destroying his own instrument with some assistance from Stephen, while musicians across the nation cringed heavily.

Did Ben Carson Really Try To Stab A Dude?

With the presidential election only one year away and the 4th Republican debate coming up, Stephen resumed his campaign coverage. While no one seems to be able to identify Martin O’Malley, other candidates have gained more attention recently. Marco Rubio, for instance, made a questionable hypothetical drinking mate choice.

Marco Rubio wants to have a beer with Malala who is both a practicing Muslim and eighteen years old. It’s all part of his strategy to appeal to young voters by loitering outside of a liquor store.

Meanwhile, Ben Carson shared his unique take on history and some mistakes from his past.

Ben Carson recently reiterated his belief that the pyramids were built to store grain. I was skeptical until I saw this ancient Egyptian diagram.

Ben Carson: “As a teenager I would go after people with rocks, and bricks, and baseball bats, and hammers, and of course many people know the story when I was 14 and tried to stab someone.”

Now, this is a story he has told many times. So far, the man he tried to stab is unidentified, so we can safely assume it’s Martin O’Malley.

Interview — Ethan Hawke

Actor Ethan Hawke stopped by to talk about his bad luck at award ceremonies, running the New York Marathon, and writing a book for his children called “Rules For A Knight“.

Hawke: I have this secret goal…Peter O’Toole was nominated for eight Oscars and never won and I wanna beat him. I wanna be nominated nine times and never win. ‘Cause I think when people win they get a little fat and sassy and their work goes down, you know what I mean?
Colbert: Yeah. Look at Meryl Streep. She sucks!

Stephen Colbert’s Midnight Confessions

We all know Stephen is a very busy man, so he has to let some things slide. As we learned last night going to confession, as all devout Catholics should, is one of those things. Thankfully, Stephen has a show and a trustworthy audience that wouldn’t dare revealing his secrets. Thus, Stephen shared some of his misdeeds with us in this new segment (that also involved a melodica and whipped cream – go figure). All of his confessions were great, but here are some of my personal favorites:

I have violent thoughts when people use the terms sci-fi and fantasy interchangeably. ‘Oh I love science-fiction! I just read The Lord of the Rings.’ I will find you and I will end you.
I don’t write all the jokes on my television show, just the ones you like. Wait, I just lied about that, too. I write all of them.
Sometimes I wear headphones without music playing to hear what people are saying about me. And if they say something mean, I pretend like I was listening to a really sad song.
If I walk down the street with a magazine and the subscription cards fall out, I don’t pick them up. I feel like that’s not on me. I feel like that’s on the magazine.

Interview – Senators Claire McCaskill and Amy Klobuchar

Senators Claire McCaskill and Amy Klobuchar joined Stephen to discuss why female Congress members have to stick together, potential presidential bids and why the political discourse needs a stronger sense of neighborliness.

Colbert: Is there a club that female senators feel they belong to regardless of which side of the aisle they’re on? Is there unity in your minority?
McCaskill: Yes, I would say that’s accurate.
Klobuchar: When you look at the fact that throughout history there’s been 1917 male senators and only 46 women senators you have a little catching up to do.
McCaskill: So we stick pretty close together. In fact, sometimes we’re known to kind of gather on the floor. Not that we’re really talking about anything important, just to scare the guys to death.

Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats – “I Need Never Get Old”

I got incredibly excited when I saw that Nathaniel Rateliff & the Night Sweats would make an appearance on the show. Their record has been ringing through my apartment on full volume for the last two months and I’m pretty sure everyone in my building is sick and tired of it. They played the song “I Need Never Get Old” from their self-titled album and anyone who was just there for the band definitely got their money’s worth.

A packed show, lots of things to discuss. What are your thoughts? Let us know in the comment section!