Hubster Anais0509 has sent us this wonderful “Taping ReporT” of her trip to the October 18th, 2012 taping of “The Colbert Report”.
Hi everyone! Bet you didn’t expect another reporT from me so soon, didja? Well, here’s another one! To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to attend another taping so soon, but once I realized that A) my six-month wait was almost over and B) my birthday fell on a day when a taping was taking place, I felt that I needed to grab this chance, and I also figured that I might as well treat myself. I mean, c’mon … spending my birthday with Stephen (in a matter of speaking)? What more can a fangirl want? However, I WAS torn once I learned that Jon was having Obama that same day. But I came to the conclusion that it would probably be easier for me to get a ticket for Stephen’s show than for Jon’s this time since probably the whole world and his wife would be trying to get into the Daily Show to see Obama than the Killers. It almost didn’t happen; I was checking Twitter 24/7 but sometimes I missed when tickets became available on the 18th, so I was getting a bit desperate. But finally, two days before, I was able to reserve a ticket, which made me very happy.
On the day of my birthday, as soon as I was done with work at 3pm, I dashed out and made my way to the studio as fast as possible. I got there at about 3:40pm. As I was walking (once I’d got out of the subway), I kept praying Please let it not be too crowded…please let it not be too crowded…. After being #7 and #1 the last two times I was at a taping, I was fine not being first or anything; I just wanted to be definitely in the audience that night. Once I caught sight of the familiar blue awning, a smile crept over my face, but the mantra in my head also sped up like a hamster wheel. I saw that there were a couple of big trucks outside, which I suspect were carrying stuff for ‘The Killers’ performance that night. I looked around the corner where the audience waits in line, and I breathed a sigh of relief: there weren’t a lot of people waiting, maybe about 15-20 people, and at such a late time too. So I took my place in line and triumphantly (albeit silently) celebrated definitely getting into that night’s audience.
Before long, an intern came along and started checking confirmations and IDs. When she got to me, I thought that maybe she’d notice it was my birthday on my driver’s license, but she didn’t. To be honest, I was fine with that. I wasn’t seeking any VIP treatment for my birthday (though it would have been nice); I just wanted to be in the audience and see Stephen for my birthday. Besides, other people deserve to be VIPs more than me. More waiting went by and more people filed in before a security guard (not the usual one that’s Stephen’s personal BG, it was a different one) came along and recited the whole security spiel and then checked to see if any veterans or anyone currently serving in the military or law enforcement were present (a few ended up following him and then coming back after a few minutes to get back in line). I made small talk with the people on either side of me, but they were mostly talking with their companions. Being alone as usual, I was left to my own devices, which I was perfectly fine with. I was just mostly focusing on trying to stay warm, since (despite being such a nice day) it was still rather chilly that day.
At about 5:40pm, tickets started being handed out, and I was #22 this time, probably because there were a lot of VIPs that night. About ten minutes later, we started being let into the studio. I kind of liked not having to wait as much like the last few times, though I say it was a fluke that it was not so crowded at the time when I arrived.
Since I was so detailed about the whole going-through-security, waiting around, watching the Best of TCR DVD, the perky girl making her how-to-behave-around-Stephen-and-during-the-taping spiel, more waiting around and watching more of the DVD the last two times I was there (as shown in my other taping reporTs), being a seasoned audience member now, I won’t bore you with any of the details since it’s pretty much the same thing every time. I will say that A) I wish that they’d update the DVD; the stuff that Stephen’s been coming up with lately has been really top notch material, though it’s always nice to see how far he’s come, and B) it’s also still really nice to be around real it-getters and watch people enjoying and laughing at Stephen’s now timeless antics.
Finally, at 7pm, the audience coordinator came out and did his spiel on how to be a good audience and that, as the audience for the last show of the week, we need to finish off the week with a bang, then went back inside and an intern came out and started letting people in by numerical order on the tickets (once the VIPs were let in, of course). People were filing in rather slowly, but in my mind, I was still jumping down the rabbit hole.
As we slowly filed in, I noticed that the interview table and platform had been folded up and put away to the side to make room for the Killers’ performance and their instruments, close to the papier mâché head from the Rally. When the studio area came into full view, the first thing I noticed was the COLBERT light sign from the Intrepid performance on the other side of the studio, which made me smile. Before long, it was my turn to be seated, and an awesome thing happened. Stephen’s BG saw me and asked me how many were in my party, and I answered him with my usual statement of “Just me.” (I wondered for a split second if he remembered me from last time, though he didn’t seem to give any hint at that time. But my answer to that mental question came later.) He swiftly looked around the studio, then turned back to me and asked me, “Would you like to sit in the front row?” I stared back at him for a second. He was offering me the front row, just like last time? Was that really what he said? Then my comprehension caught up with my brain and my face broke into a huge smile and I replied “SURE!”. He told me to go to the end of the front row on the left (facing the stage) where 2 girls were sitting, and I thanked him and walked over to where they were sitting with a spring in my step. As I sat down, I was practically beaming. I was sitting in the front row again just like last time, and rather close to where I was before (I’d been at the end; this time I was 3rd to last from the end), and without even mentioning to anyone that it was my birthday. My birthday treat was already off to a great start. 🙂 The two girls I sat next to were really friendly and just as fangirly as I was, so we had a good time chatting with each other. They were VIPs who’d gotten their tickets because they knew a friend of a friend of someone who works on the show (I later found out it was one of the cameramen). I mentioned it was my birthday and they wished me happy birthday and said that I was lucky that I got to sit in the front row. I had already made it a point in my head to find and thank Stephen’s BG after the taping for putting me in the front row again. And this time, I was determined to try and get a high-five from Stephen ‘cos I missed him last time from being too far on the end. Now that I was a little further in, I probably had a good chance.
The studio was decorated just like the last time I was there: the screens all over showing schools of fish against a blue ocean backdrop and wavy blue lights turning around on the ceiling as if we were underwater. I also noticed a little addition: a backdrop of the inside of a house with a door and a little end table with Halloween candy in a bowl right in front of where the two girls and I were sitting. I guessed that Stephen was going to do a bit involving trick-or-treating or something. Little did we know of the epicness that would ensue … *major hinting of epicness to come*
Getting everyone seated took a little longer than usual, so when Paul Mercurio came out to warm us up, it was rather late, about 7:30pm or so when taping should be starting. He did his usual routine, but even he seemed a little more rushed than usual, because (I suspected) they had a lot of taping to do that night so he needed to get a move on. He got us pumped up and made us practice clapping and cheering, and he also brought out Mark the stage manager to tell us when to start going crazy on his cue. I don’t remember much of what he did or said to be honest, but I’ll tell you what I do remember:
- He got us to practice laughing as well (since we’re the soundtrack for the show), and he picked on a few people who laughed a certain way.
- He picked on an Indian man who’s a teacher in some college (he rolled his eyes when the man said he was a professor and he said that he (the man) was playing into the stereotype of Indians often holding intellectual positions).
- He mentioned that he was going to be performing stand-up at the Gotham Comedy Club in Manhattan next weekend, and he said that after the taping some people were gonna be handing out exclusive tickets for us to come and see him perform. I ended up taking a couple afterwards, but I’m still undecided about whether I’ll be going or not.
- He picked on a girl from Brown, her boyfriend and her mum and how her mum was literally sitting between her and her boyfriend, implying that she runs the household (and evidently the relationship too). The mother had a sense of humour and played along with Paul.
- To tie in with the group above, he singled out a black guy with long dreadlocks who looked like a “cool music teacher” and had gone to the University of Pittsburgh. He rought him down along with the girl from Brown and basically made it look like he was trying to match them up. He asked them what were their majors were, as well as her boyfriend (I forget what they said) so to gauge if they would make a good match. When he found out that the girl’s boyfriend had also gone to UPitt, Paul took off his jacket, laid it on the floor, and told the two of them to “get to it” on his jacket. The mother then stood up and started (faux) angrily telling her daughter to come back and sit down, and Paul played along saying “You’re of age! You don’t have to listen to your mom!” Then the mother said something and Paul repeated “You’re paying for Brown? Okay then, go sit the f*** down!” and that basically ended the shenanigans. But it was funny and all in good fun.
Just as quickly as that, he got word that Stephen was ready to come out, and he got us all fired up and ready to go. As we cheered, chanted and clapped, I wondered where Stephen was gonna come out from. The entrance to the interview area was blocked by the Killers’ instruments, so I thought that maybe he’d be coming out from the sides. And also, Stephen’s BG didn’t come around to all of us in the front and give us the spiel on high-fiving Stephen, so I wondered if we would actually get to high-five Stephen at all, or would he just walk out to the little bit of room left in the middle (thanks to the instruments and house backdrop taking up so much space) and begin the Q&A. Then, as the theme from ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ reached its peak, the door of the house backdrop opened and out stepped out … STEPHEN!!! And man, did he look fine in his outfit that night. I especially liked his tie. *sighs* He gave Paul a big hug, took the microphone and still did his jog around in a circle and high-fiving the people sitting in the front. This time, I was ready. I watched his hand, stuck mine out in its general direction and … I HIGH-FIVED HIM!!! I touched his hand!!! I actually let out a shriek of joy and jumped up and down after that fleeting moment of skin-to-skin contact. I didn’t care if anyone saw. I was so happy that I’d actually got to touch Stephen even for a few seconds. Then he flipped his microphone high into the air, took a deep bow to thunderous applause, then motioned to us to sit down. Then he said the whole “Anybody want to ask me anything before I get into character and say these terrible things in front of you?” spiel and the Q&A began.
Sadly, my memory became a little more foggy than usual at this part of my taping experience. I’m usually very good at remembering details, and this time it was so choppy. I completely blame it on birthday- and Stephen-induced giddiness and euphoria, which I hope you will understand and forgive me for. But also, because Stephen was in a teeny bit of a hurry to get onto the taping, he was answering questions quite quickly, and quite a number of questions were asked during the Q&A. So, in no particular order, here’s what I remember the most as best as I can, and if ever something jogs my memory, I’ll write it down in the comments section:
- A veteran asked what was the worst part of being in Iraq for him, and Stephen replied that it was the heat. He arrived in Baghdad at around 10pm, and it was like 120-140 degrees, like he was standing in front of the engine of a plane, and he thought that he was standing behind the bus’ exhaust pipe. But then he looked and he realized that the bus was completely turned off. He said that all the talcum powder in the world didn’t stop his crotch from chafing, and quickly added that he basically suffered from a constant case of “swamp ass”, to lots of laughter.
- Someone else asked if Paul (Mercurio) preferred opening for Jon or for him, since he opens for both shows, and Stephen said that he wasn’t sure. He said that he’s known Paul for years and that’s why he opens for Stephen, but he would ask him.
- Another person mentioned that Jon was having Obama on his show that same night, and if Stephen felt at all upstaged by Jon. Stephen, with a sly smile on his face, replied no, he did not, and he would explain why later.
- A man asked what it had been like for Stephen to work with Jon, and Stephen told the story that we die-hard fangirls have heard so often, but always like to hear because it validates the genuine friendship and partnership they share: that Jon is an amazing and bright person who encouraged Stephen to have political opinions when he didn’t believe that he had any, and why, later on, he still wanted to be able to work with Jon on some level even though he wanted his own show.
- Someone got onto the topic of the upcoming election, and Stephen interrupted with a sarcastic comment of how that’s all we’re gonna be hearing for a while. Then the person asked him if he would ever be open to moderating a debate, and he replied “Sure!”. But he also added that, as evidenced by his BKAD and interviews, Republicans don’t want to talk to Stephen.
Just like the last two times, I didn’t ask Stephen a question. But I’ve come to realize that I don’t have any questions for Stephen. I have statements. I have proclamations. I have songs of praise. I just want to talk to him, have a normal conversation with him, even for a few minutes. If I ever think of something especially burning that I really want to know, I’ll certainly try to ask him, but I’ve pretty much become comfortable with not asking him anything during the Q&A. Even then, I was too busy watching and listening and inner-flailing to ask him anything.
Pretty soon he asked us if we were ready, and, once we shouted our affirmation, he replied “All right, onward!”, flipped the microphone towards Mark, and bounded up to the eagle’s nest. Promptly the make-up, microphone and hair ladies walked up to Stephen to finish the final touches. Usually this is my favourite part to watch during the taping experience, but I didn’t this time, because the two girls sitting next to me and I were being relocated. Let me mention that up until that point, the three of us weren’t sitting in chairs; they’d actually been removed and we’d been sitting on boxes. Stephen’s BG had told us that Stephen was going to tape a special bit before the actual taping for that night’s episode around the area with the house backdrop, and the cameras needed to be around it to film Stephen at all directions, so we three had to move and sit on the steps between the other audience members, which was fine by us. I had a bit of trouble because I had my handbag, puffy jacket and scarf to carry in my arms and the steps at the bottom had been removed, so I had to take a giant step to get onto the first ledge of the seating area. But Stephen’s BG was a gentleman: he held my elbow steady as I went up the steps and made sure that I was seated fine enough so that I could still see through the cameras in position. He did the same thing to the other two girls. Thus I missed my usual routine of watching Stephen go through his hair routine. But that’s okay. I have next time. I will say, though, that I noticed that one of the ladies (I believe it’s the make-up lady) is expecting! Seriously, just how productive is Stephen’s staff?
When Stephen had been taken care of, he started flipping WristStrong bracelets into the audience, and, once again, no matter how much I waved or did the grabby hand motion, I didn’t get one. 🙁 At some point, he pretended to begin throwing a knife towards us, successfully scaring some people before winking at us, flipping it and catching it perfectly before putting it away. Then he spent a good amount of time talking to Mark and consulting him on his script, although they also shared some lighthearted moments. I love watching him in his element. Oh, to spend a day in his shoes and see what goes on behind closed TCR doors! When his consultation with Mark was over, he turned to us and told us that he was going to be filming a special bit for next week first before taping the actual show for that night’s episode, and he would also be doing the table of contents as well, so we had to clap and cheer as if it was the beginning of the actual show. Finally, he told us to just have fun: since the beginning of the show, there’ve been two characters…Stephen and the audience – if we have fun, he’ll have fun, and everything will be great. And with that, the countdown counted down, Stephen launched into the table of contents, Mark twirled his newspaper baton, and we went into audience mode for the special pre-taped bit for a later date.
*MAJOR SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVE NOT YET WATCHED THE OCTOBER 25TH, 2012 EPIODE FEATURING MITCH DANIELS*
Stephen began the bit by talking about how Halloween was upon us and how we can prepare for it and how to stay safe. He brought out two plastic jack o’ lantern containers from under his desk, one filled with Halloween candy and the other filled with razor blades, and explained that that way, parents can see that there’s nothing dangerous inside the candy and their kids won’t be harmed. He also said that, knowing that the economy is still putting people into a crunch, he had some ideas for parents on putting together a Halloween costume for their kid on a budget using items all around the house, and he had invited a special guest to come over and help him out with that.
At that point, a doorbell sound rang out, and Stephen took the jack o’ lantern of candy and ran around his desk to the house backdrop. He opened the door, and in came … TOM HANKS!!! The whole studio erupted into cheers and we were all on our feet going bananas. I in particular just kept chorusing “Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod etc!” because I could not believe that I was actually seeing Tom Hanks in the flesh, and so close to me too! After we quieted down, Stephen and Tom began their bit on showing that you don’t have to spend a lot of money on a Halloween costume when you can just put it together with stuff found around the house. However, we soon saw that the gag of the bit was that Tom was trying to get us to watch all the movies he’s acted in so to keep his career afloat, although he made excuses by pointing how some household items could be useful in creating the costume. He also kept plugging for his new movie coming out soon called ‘Cloud Atlas’. He did all this by having children ring the doorbell and coming in dressed as a character from one of his films before being sent off on their way with candy. The first kid that came in was a boy dressed as Woody from ‘Toy Story’. After that was a girl dressed as Jim Lovell, his astronaut character from ‘Apollo 13’. Then
in came a little boy dressed as Chuck Noland from ‘Cast Away’, but he was also carrying a UPS box, and when Stephen asked him who he was supposed to be, he replied that he was a UPS postal worker.
At this point “Stephen” was starting to get frustrated with Tom and seeing through his ruse, which Tom denied even though he, at some point, held up DVDs of all of his most well-known movies and plugged them. Then the doorbell rang again, and in came four boys dressed as characters that Tom plays in Cloud Atlas, but “Stephen” did not realize this until he asked them what they were supposed to be and they told him their names. Spoiler Alert: one of the boys in this foursome was none other than Master John Colbert, Stephen’s youngest son! He actually recited a tiny bit of dialogue that was from the movie. Let me say this, he’s inherited his father’s penchant for performing. And, instead of candy, Tom sent the boys off on their way with his DVDs.
By now “Stephen” was very angry with Tom and told him that if he kept this up, he was going to have to ask him to leave. He said this with such a pained look on his face. Cue in “Awww!” reaction from us the audience. Tom begged him to give him another chance, and “Stephen” agreed, but only one more chance. Then the doorbell rang one more time, but this time Tom got to the door before “Stephen” and started struggling and pushing away whoever was on the other side of the door and telling them to go away. Then he pulled away, and in came a young boy dressed as a soldier, looking just like Private Ryan. And “Stephen” looked at Tom with a hard look on his face and said, “And this has absolutely nothing to do with your movie, ‘Saving Private Ryan’?” And Tom replied with, “No, no! He’s dressed as one of our brave men in the military.” “Stephen” seemed to accept that, and, after sending the boy off with candy, told Tom that he misjudged him and owed him an apology. But then at that point, in burst through the door MATT DAMON in Private Ryan garb!!! Cue in the audience going bananas and me chorusing “Ohmigod! etc” again. He angrily asked Tom what the hell was going on, that he was told to come and help out with something and instead he was pushed away from the door when he arrived (so THAT’S who Tom was pushing away at the door earlier). He was about to add in another angry retort when he saw the bowl of candy, said “Ooh! Candy!”, grabbed it, and left. After more applause and cheers from us, “Stephen” closed the door, looked at Tom with another hard look on his face and asked, “Tom? Is there something you want to say?” Tom replied, “Yes, actually there is, Stephen.” Then he turned to the camera and said, with a big smile, “Go see Cloud Atlas!” And with that, the bit ended.
Even after the cameras were turned off, we were still cheering and clapping so hard. Stephen told us to clap for Tom, which we did gladly and more. Then he got Matt Damon and all the children who participated in the bit (very likely children or nieces and nephews of Stephen’s staff) to come back out for another bow. They were all adorable, and they handled themselves in front of the camera with such aplomb for their young age. Then they all left, except for the Cloud Atlas foursome, because (as Stephen then explained to us) they needed to redo the bit where they were introducing themselves because a couple of the boys spoke a little too softly and the microphones needed to pick up their voices. They redid the introduction part and it went fine, and John was able to do his little dialogue again. I swear I thought I saw a glint of pride in Stephen’s eyes for a few seconds. Then we clapped for them again and Stephen shook all of their hands, except for John whom I suspect Stephen kissed because moments after he turned away from him, John was rubbing his cheek a little bit. Then they all left and we clapped and cheered for Tom once more, while he grabbed whatever candy was left and started throwing it into the stands. People were in a frenzy trying to catch whatever candy came their way. I didn’t get any … but MUCH later, I was able to snaffle something. I’ll mention that later. Then Tom left and Stephen went back to his desk. Before he sat down, he turned to us, pointed back at the backdrop and said, “THAT’S why I don’t feel upstaged by Jon tonight!” with a huge grin on his face, to which we clapped and cheered raucously yet again. Once he sat down, he told us then that the boy who did the dialogue was his son, John. I, of course, already knew that, but I still awwed along with everyone else just because. Then he said that NOW they were going to start taping the actual show, and he was going to do the table of contents again, so he challenged us “to try and be just as entertained again as we were before.” Oh, we were ready, all right. And right before he began, he quickly asked Mark how long that bit took, which turned out to be 10 ½ minutes. “Ten and a half minutes!!” he exclaimed, half-laughing giddily and half-with a look of “Oh God!” on his face, like he was in disbelief. Mind you, it felt a lot shorter to me, that bit. But it was still great fun, and SO awesome that we got to be in the presence of two big movie stars. I hope that they show most of it whenever it airs!
*END OF SPOILERS*
At this point, after the pre-taping of the special bit, the camera people moved out of the way, real chairs were brought out and the two girls and I were moved back down to the front row. And Stephen’s BG was a gentleman again by taking my elbow again and steadying me as I came down. We got ourselves ready and then the real taping began. Stephen started the table of contents again, but some of the audience was a little too eager to begin because they started laughing and cheering right before Stephen said a word! And Stephen broke character, laughed and yelled at us, “Not yet! Don’t start laughing when I haven’t even gotten to the punch line yet!” We cracked up. We’re sorry, Stephen! But you know your loyal subjects of the Colbert Nation! We’re always ready to do whatever our leader tells us! Still, it was really funny how eager we were to be a great audience. So Stephen started all over again and this time, we behaved right up until he finished the table of contents and THEN we started cheering through the theme song, the eagle cry and when the cameras were panning around from behind the desk, capturing us in our mindless, euphoric glory. As you no doubt saw later that night, he ended up cutting out the table of contents because of time constraints. And that also explains what he meant by “You’re so good at that, it’s almost it’s like the, not the first time you’ve done that tonight!”, because, of course, it was the second time we’d cheered mindlessly for him that night!
Shameless plug: YOU CAN SEE ME!!! On the full episode from 0:20-0:23, and on the individual clip entitled “Celebrity Campaign Endorsements” from 0:01-0:05, you can see me very clearly!! I’m in the front row on the far left side (facing the desk) and wearing a light brown long-sleeved top with jeans and a one-hundred watt smile, my hands clapping feverishly over my head before pumping both of my fists into the air as the camera fades back to Stephen at his desk. If someone can make a few screencaps of that, or even a GIF if possible, I will love you forever. Gotta keep track of my (very brief) TV appearances! 😉
The celebrity campaign endorsements segment went off without a hitch, with all us laughing at the idea of a prognosticating squirrel predicting that Romney will win the election. *knocks frantically on wood* And Stephen reading off Mitt’s list of things to do on Day One of his presidency was a real treat and hysterically funny. On the next segment on cows being fed candy instead of corn feed due to the drought, I can tell you that Stephen talked in more detail and showed more video on the process of how leftover candy is made into cow feed right after the part when he talks about how” the Mexicans have been stuffing their donkeys full of sweets for years”, which ended up getting cut out of the final edit. It was probably a good thing that was done because the whole thing was rather nauseating. And Stephen had a crack up around the part when he was talking about how he thought a bushel was a group of geese; I think he tripped over his words after that statement a little bit, but either way he still ended up laughing and asking Mark if he could redo that bit again. He added to us that through the magic of TV, and if we didn’t text or tweet, nobody would have to know of his “incompetence”. Aww, Stephen! You’re not incompetent at all! But I noticed that when he was re-talking about how much the price of bushels had risen in recent years, he accidently said “3.35” instead of “3.25”. No doubt he dubbed over that mistake later that night when he and this editors were editing the footage for that night’s episode. I expected somebody on his staff to interrupt him and tell him that they needed to re-do that bit again, but nobody spoke up. At least it was fixed for later.
The Corn Palace segment was shown in its entirety, both live and on TV, which was good. We were laughing hysterically the whole time from all the corn puns and the sheer absurdity of the whole thing. I myself had never known that something like this existed, so it was a good educational moment for me, but mostly I was just laughing or facepalming. It was also a joy to watch Stephen. During the whole bit, either he would be writing down something on his script, or he was watching the bit himself with us. Every so often he would smile that beautiful smile of his and laugh at something he said in the narration, like he himself was amused by the bit. For me, that is one of the most beautiful sights to behold. I also noticed his staff and cameramen standing around watching the monitors and smiling and laughing along.
After that, a long pause followed where Stephen was consulting for a long time with his writers and Mark. Paul Dinello was one of those with him and it was so nice to see him again. By the way, ‘Stache Alert: Paul’s growing a very nice handlebar mustache! Granted, it makes him look a bit like Geraldo Rivera (that puts a nasty taste in my mouth), but it’s not a bad look! Plus it’s all for charity. Whenever Stephen was obscured by his writers, I would go back to chatting with the girls next to me, but once someone moved and Stephen came back into full view, I would go back to gazing at him intently. Generally he would go from scribbling on his script to discussing something with Mark, Paul and the others to laughing about something to being serious, all in one swift moment to another. Oh, to be a fly on the wall … or at least a very tiny eavesdropper.
Finally, after a particularly long wait (but it was okay because I was well entertained), the two main players of the Killers, Brandon Flowers and Ronnie Vannucci Jr., came onto the set and sat down on the stools while Stephen was still in consulting. After some point, the writers and Mark left the nest, and Stephen looked over at Brandon and Ronnie, caught their attention, smiled and waved at them enthusiastically, which they reciprocated. Stephen did a thumbs up as if to ask them, “All right?”, and Brandon responded back with a thumbs up as if to say, “All right!” It was cute. Stephen prepped himself for the beginning of the next segment while Ronnie and Brandon chilled on the other side, and soon he was ready, they were ready, Mark started the countdown, and the taping of the interview began. The interview went along longer than you saw that night; I guessed that they cut out quite a bit due to time constraints. Sadly I don’t really remember what they talked about, but it was cool to listen to them talk shop. Now I was unable to see Stephen for almost all the interview due to the lightning bolt light sign hanging in front of the keyboard where they were sitting behind, which was a bit annoying but oh well.
After the interview was over, the rest of the band started coming out and getting into position and tuning their instruments. The cameramen did some major maneuvering around so that they could film the performance all around. Stephen stood to the side and talked to Mark and Paul while they waited for the Killers to finish getting ready. Finally, everything was all set. Mark counted down, Stephen introduced them, and they began their first song. To be very honest, the only song I know by them is “Mr. Brightside”. But I enjoyed “Miss Atomic Bomb” very much, and everyone else in the audience did too. People were smiling and bopping their heads to the beat, and Stephen, Paul and Mark were doing the same thing on the side, on the platform where the desk is.
After that song was over, some more moving around and sorting about was done in preparation for the internet exclusive song. At some point, Stephen convinced a (slightly reluctant) Brandon to sing the National Anthem a cappella with him, with Stephen doing the bass part and Brandon doing the tenor part. When they started singing, everyone in the audience stood up and put their hands over their hearts. Some even joined in singing. Being a non-American, I stood up but didn’t do the hand thing, but I joined in the singing and was swooning listening to Stephen singing, as I always do. After they were done, Stephen stood around in the middle again and waited for the cameramen to finish. Stephen played around with one of the cameramen, the one manning the swinging camera that usually swoops down and captures everything in a sweeping motion: as the guy was moving the camera here and there, Stephen stared deep into the monitor and made various faces and followed it wherever it moved. The cameraman was clearly having fun himself and playing around with Stephen. I find it so great
that Stephen and his staff are able to have fun with each other in a job that’s usually taken very seriously everywhere else. Soon everything was all set again and Stephen introduced the internet exclusive song which actually happened to be a song off of their old album, Hot Fuss, the same album where “Mr. Brightside” also comes from, and the band started playing again.
During the second song, everyone got up and started clapping, grooving and basically having fun. I definitely had fun dancing and jumping up and down. I didn’t know the song very well, but I liked it. It sounded like a real concert in there, all the way down to the deafening decibels. It’s amazing the contrast between what it sounded like live and how it sounds on TV. Sometimes I glanced over at Stephen to watch what he was doing during the song. He was still standing around with Paul and Mark watching the performance. Sometimes he would be opping along himself. At some point he leaned over and whispered something into Paul’s ear, and when Paul whispered back to him, Stephen laughed and wrapped his arms around Paul’s shoulders and gave him some sort of hug. Paul smiled, laid his head on top of Stephen’s head, reached up and patted Stephen’s head in an affectionate, brotherly way. It was such a sweet, privy moment to witness.
Soon the song was over, we clapped for the Killers one last time at Stephen’s request, and then they left. When Stephen walked back to his desk, before sitting down, he turned around and smiled at us and thanked us for sticking around for such a long time and said we were a great audience, which made us happy. Then he sat down at the desk, did the sign-off with ‘The Killers’’ record album, and with that the live taping ended.
But Stephen didn’t leave right away. He told us that he needed to re-tape himself repeating a few random sentences from the segments he’d done that night because he said them wrong. So he repeated a few random sentences over and over again looking at the camera. I forget what they were, but I do remember that after saying one sentence, he quickly followed up with, “Cow says ‘Moo!’”, which cracked us up. Then, before leaving, he said he’d tell us a little story that had something to do with the cow comment he made. He talked about how, when he was still working at ‘The Daily Show’, during the time of Indecision 2004, Jon sent him on an assignment to the Iowa Democratic Caucuses to interview then-presidential hopefuls John Kerry and Howard Dean in January of 2004. Since the Daily Show had kind of been big during Indecision 2000, they needed to be bigger for 2004. So Stephen travelled to Iowa by bus and spent 3 days at the caucus. But when he was on his way there, he got word that Kerry had jumped like 11 points ahead of Dean and now was no longer available for Stephen to speak to because now the whole world wanted to talk to him. And Stephen got a bit worried because he needed to have something to bring back to New York with him. Fortunately he was able to set up an audience with Howard Dean and Dean’s representative told him what to ask and what not to ask. When he finally got to talk to Dean, because he’s working for a comedy show, he decided to ask him something funny, and the question he asked him went along the lines of, “So Governor Dean, you’re in Iowa in the farmland. I have to ask you this: What does the cow say?” And Dean answered the question very seriously. And after he was done, Stephen replied, “Uh, no sir, the cow says ‘Moo!’” Dean was good-natured about the whole thing, but his representative was rather miffed at Stephen. And when Dean and his staff left, Stephen was left standing alone in an empty elementary school corridor, and he pretty much banged his head against the wall and said to himself, “Three days in Iowa, and all I have to bring back to Jon is a few minutes of me asking Howard Dean about cows!” He felt rather incompetent. Just then, he heard a voice behind him say, “You got more material than I did!” He turned around, and it was Jake Tapper from CNN, who was just starting out at that time, and he didn’t even get to talk to Dean. And from that day on, he and Jake have been friends since that moment. “And that’s where the statement ‘The cow says ‘Moo!’ comes from,” he finished. We clapped in appreciation, he walked around his desk, threw open his arms and said “You were LOVELY! Good night, everybody!”. He smiled one final smile, waved at us, walked off, and disappeared.
Note: I did some research and I found the clip on the Daily Show website where Stephen actually asks Howard Dean that question and it also gives Dean’s full answer along with Stephen’s cow response. It’s entitled “The Simple Iowa Life” and the date is 1/20/04.
We waited a bit as the security guards made sure that Stephen was completely gone before giving us the okay to start leaving the studio. The two girls who’d been sitting next to me thanked their cameraman friend for getting them tickets, wished me happy birthday one more time and left in the throng of the crowd. I waited behind a bit because I wanted the crowd to thin out a bit. As I waited, I noticed something at the corner of my eye, and when I turned my head, I saw a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup lying underneath a chair, and I realized that it must have been one of the candies thrown at us earlier and no one noticed. I stealthily walked up the steps, swiped the candy from under the chair and put it into my pocket. Then I left the studio.
But I didn’t leave immediately. I noticed a crowd of people waiting around a side door with some black vans waiting right in front in position, and I guessed that they were waiting for the Killers to come out. I decided on a whim to wait around and try to see them up close myself. I chatted with some people on either side of me while we waited, which was about 20 minutes or so, I wasn’t really counting. Whenever somebody that was not them came out through the door, everyone would immediately hold up their phone, only to put them back down again once they realized that it was not who they were waiting for. But soon, a vibe went around the crowd that told us that someone from ‘The Killers’ was definitely coming out. The door opened, and out came Brandon. He stopped for a few autographs, but afterwards he went straight inside one of the black vans where I could see him playing around with his cell phone even through the tinted windows. After a few more minutes or waiting and false alarms, Ronnie came out. He was more gracious; he actually spent quite a while giving autographs, taking photos and talking to fans before going into another van. The other members of the band came out from another entrance and piled into the vans before they finally pulled away. Meanwhile, behind us, stage people were busy piling music equipment into one of the giant trucks that had been in front of the studio all day. When we’d walked back through the waiting area, it was filled with music equipment in big black boxes covering every square inch of the area.
Those who’d stayed to wait for the Killers then left, but a few people, myself included, still stayed standing around. I hadn’t planned on waiting for Stephen, but … that night … I
decided to take a chance, and my courage be damned if it failed me again. But it felt easier waiting for Stephen this time, since the last two times I’d been completely alone, but this time there were more people waiting so it made me feel more comfortable. At some point, a girl who was waiting around with her father shyly approached me and asked me if I was waiting for Stephen. I said I was and we decided to keep each other company. It was nice having someone to talk to for a change, and she was very sweet. She’d recently turned 18 a few days before and was so happy to finally attend a taping. I chatted with her and her father, and learned that they were from Ohio and had flown all the way to NY to see Stephen (she’d taken the day off from school) and they were planning on flying back tomorrow morning. I gave them a few tips on navigating around NY, and I also told her some anecdotes about being a fangirl and I mentioned the Hub to her. It felt really good to be an experienced fangirl sharing my pearls of wisdom with a novice, as well as feeling almost like a real New Yorker by now in terms of being able to direct people and help them navigate their way around the city. By and by, other people decided to leave, and soon it was only the three of us. At some point the girl’s father said that they should be getting back to the hotel soon because their flight the next morning was very early, but she begged him for another 5-10 minutes to try to see if Stephen would come out, though I mentioned that it was possible that he’d be coming out much later because a lot of footage had been shot and he and his editors needed to have the final edited episode ready for broadcast that night. She was more concerned that maybe he wouldn’t stop for a photo or autograph or even a chat, and I told her that, unless he was in a very great hurry, he was usually gracious and will stop even for a few minutes, based on accounts that I’d heard (I wonder where! 😉 ).
Finally, close to about 10pm, Stephen’s BG walked over to us and he warned us that it was going to be a very late night for Stephen, exactly for the same reason that I’d outlined above. So the girl and her father decided to leave then and took off. And then it was just me. It was getting quite late, and I had work very early the next morning, so I reluctantly decided to go home myself. But before doing so, I decided to try asking Stephen’s BG a question. Even though I feel more comfortable around him, and I know I have nothing to fear around him, I’m still always afraid of stepping over a forbidden line or going too far about something. But I figured that I had nothing to lose, and I’ve been told that I know how to tread on a subject delicately, so I decided to take a risk. I took a deep breath and shyly approached the bodyguard. He smiled and asked me what was up, and I asked him if he was allowed to pass on a message to Stephen. He asked me what kind of message, and I told him that all I really wanted to tell Stephen was that he did a great show and that he made my birthday all the more special. He said, “Oh! Is it your birthday today?”, and I said yes and he wished me a happy birthday, which was sweet of him. Then he said that it was a good thing that he put me in the front row then. I thanked him for being really awesome, not just for that night but also for last time when I was also put in the front row. Then he told me that he recognized me as a loyal fan because he remembers the last couple of times that I was at a taping, and he further said that he purposely put me in the front row last time and that night because I’m a good fan. How I’m very energetic, have lots of enthusiasm, how I behave well … I was blushing at this point, but not from shame. From joy. The fact that not only does Stephen’s bodyguard actually remember me, but also thinks highly and positively of me, just completely made my night, even though I didn’t get to see or talk to Stephen. I told him that Stephen was my role model, and he said that he’s a great person to be a role model to anyone. I also confided in him how I felt intimidated to talk to Stephen myself because I’m afraid of making a fool of myself or saying something wrong, and how I couldn’t believe I actually used to be a bit scared of him (the bodyguard, not Stephen). He told me that you should respect someone, but not be afraid of them (good words of advice), and he told me that Stephen is just a regular guy, just go up and talk to him, he’ll talk back to you. I definitely intend on keeping that in mind from now on. Near the end of our conversation, he promised me that he would pass on my message to Stephen, and he told me to come back to another taping soon, which I promised I would do. And with that, we said our goodbyes and I went home. For the rest of the night and the next day, I was on top of the world. It’s the best feeling I’ve felt in a long time, and something I wish I could feel every single day of my life. 🙂
So, to recap, I attended a great taping on my birthday, got a high-five from Stephen, saw some special surprise celebrity guests in the flesh, have a piece of Halloween candy thrown by one of said celebrity guests in my possession, listened and grooved to ‘The Killers’ putting on a ‘killer’ performance (haha, ba-dum ching), and had a personal conversation with Stephen’s bodyguard where I found out that not only does he remember me, but also thinks I’m a great fan and wants me to come back again soon and also gave me some useful advice to keep in mind. Suffice to say that it’s the best birthday I’ve had in a while. And now that I’ve made ‘physical’ contact with Stephen, even if it was for a few fleeting seconds, now the next step is making verbal contact with him. And I intend to make that happen, now that I feel more confident and know that it’s possible, as long as I tell myself that he’s just like everyone else and nothing will go wrong and I won’t make a fool out of myself. *knocks on wood* In the meantime, I hope everyone enjoyed this (as always) very lengthy reporT (again I’m sorry that I missed a few details here and there) and I can’t wait to write another one again soon, with hopefully my own Stephen experience! Excelsior!
October 18th, 2012: The Taping ReporT!
Hubster Anais0509 has sent us this wonderful “Taping ReporT” of her trip to the October 18th, 2012 taping of “The Colbert Report”.
Hi everyone! Bet you didn’t expect another reporT from me so soon, didja? Well, here’s another one! To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to attend another taping so soon, but once I realized that A) my six-month wait was almost over and B) my birthday fell on a day when a taping was taking place, I felt that I needed to grab this chance, and I also figured that I might as well treat myself. I mean, c’mon … spending my birthday with Stephen (in a matter of speaking)? What more can a fangirl want? However, I WAS torn once I learned that Jon was having Obama that same day. But I came to the conclusion that it would probably be easier for me to get a ticket for Stephen’s show than for Jon’s this time since probably the whole world and his wife would be trying to get into the Daily Show to see Obama than the Killers. It almost didn’t happen; I was checking Twitter 24/7 but sometimes I missed when tickets became available on the 18th, so I was getting a bit desperate. But finally, two days before, I was able to reserve a ticket, which made me very happy.
On the day of my birthday, as soon as I was done with work at 3pm, I dashed out and made my way to the studio as fast as possible. I got there at about 3:40pm. As I was walking (once I’d got out of the subway), I kept praying Please let it not be too crowded…please let it not be too crowded…. After being #7 and #1 the last two times I was at a taping, I was fine not being first or anything; I just wanted to be definitely in the audience that night. Once I caught sight of the familiar blue awning, a smile crept over my face, but the mantra in my head also sped up like a hamster wheel. I saw that there were a couple of big trucks outside, which I suspect were carrying stuff for ‘The Killers’ performance that night. I looked around the corner where the audience waits in line, and I breathed a sigh of relief: there weren’t a lot of people waiting, maybe about 15-20 people, and at such a late time too. So I took my place in line and triumphantly (albeit silently) celebrated definitely getting into that night’s audience.
Before long, an intern came along and started checking confirmations and IDs. When she got to me, I thought that maybe she’d notice it was my birthday on my driver’s license, but she didn’t. To be honest, I was fine with that. I wasn’t seeking any VIP treatment for my birthday (though it would have been nice); I just wanted to be in the audience and see Stephen for my birthday. Besides, other people deserve to be VIPs more than me. More waiting went by and more people filed in before a security guard (not the usual one that’s Stephen’s personal BG, it was a different one) came along and recited the whole security spiel and then checked to see if any veterans or anyone currently serving in the military or law enforcement were present (a few ended up following him and then coming back after a few minutes to get back in line). I made small talk with the people on either side of me, but they were mostly talking with their companions. Being alone as usual, I was left to my own devices, which I was perfectly fine with. I was just mostly focusing on trying to stay warm, since (despite being such a nice day) it was still rather chilly that day.
At about 5:40pm, tickets started being handed out, and I was #22 this time, probably because there were a lot of VIPs that night. About ten minutes later, we started being let into the studio. I kind of liked not having to wait as much like the last few times, though I say it was a fluke that it was not so crowded at the time when I arrived.
Since I was so detailed about the whole going-through-security, waiting around, watching the Best of TCR DVD, the perky girl making her how-to-behave-around-Stephen-and-during-the-taping spiel, more waiting around and watching more of the DVD the last two times I was there (as shown in my other taping reporTs), being a seasoned audience member now, I won’t bore you with any of the details since it’s pretty much the same thing every time. I will say that A) I wish that they’d update the DVD; the stuff that Stephen’s been coming up with lately has been really top notch material, though it’s always nice to see how far he’s come, and B) it’s also still really nice to be around real it-getters and watch people enjoying and laughing at Stephen’s now timeless antics.
Finally, at 7pm, the audience coordinator came out and did his spiel on how to be a good audience and that, as the audience for the last show of the week, we need to finish off the week with a bang, then went back inside and an intern came out and started letting people in by numerical order on the tickets (once the VIPs were let in, of course). People were filing in rather slowly, but in my mind, I was still jumping down the rabbit hole.
As we slowly filed in, I noticed that the interview table and platform had been folded up and put away to the side to make room for the Killers’ performance and their instruments, close to the papier mâché head from the Rally. When the studio area came into full view, the first thing I noticed was the COLBERT light sign from the Intrepid performance on the other side of the studio, which made me smile. Before long, it was my turn to be seated, and an awesome thing happened. Stephen’s BG saw me and asked me how many were in my party, and I answered him with my usual statement of “Just me.” (I wondered for a split second if he remembered me from last time, though he didn’t seem to give any hint at that time. But my answer to that mental question came later.) He swiftly looked around the studio, then turned back to me and asked me, “Would you like to sit in the front row?” I stared back at him for a second. He was offering me the front row, just like last time? Was that really what he said? Then my comprehension caught up with my brain and my face broke into a huge smile and I replied “SURE!”. He told me to go to the end of the front row on the left (facing the stage) where 2 girls were sitting, and I thanked him and walked over to where they were sitting with a spring in my step. As I sat down, I was practically beaming. I was sitting in the front row again just like last time, and rather close to where I was before (I’d been at the end; this time I was 3rd to last from the end), and without even mentioning to anyone that it was my birthday. My birthday treat was already off to a great start. 🙂 The two girls I sat next to were really friendly and just as fangirly as I was, so we had a good time chatting with each other. They were VIPs who’d gotten their tickets because they knew a friend of a friend of someone who works on the show (I later found out it was one of the cameramen). I mentioned it was my birthday and they wished me happy birthday and said that I was lucky that I got to sit in the front row. I had already made it a point in my head to find and thank Stephen’s BG after the taping for putting me in the front row again. And this time, I was determined to try and get a high-five from Stephen ‘cos I missed him last time from being too far on the end. Now that I was a little further in, I probably had a good chance.
The studio was decorated just like the last time I was there: the screens all over showing schools of fish against a blue ocean backdrop and wavy blue lights turning around on the ceiling as if we were underwater. I also noticed a little addition: a backdrop of the inside of a house with a door and a little end table with Halloween candy in a bowl right in front of where the two girls and I were sitting. I guessed that Stephen was going to do a bit involving trick-or-treating or something. Little did we know of the epicness that would ensue … *major hinting of epicness to come*
Getting everyone seated took a little longer than usual, so when Paul Mercurio came out to warm us up, it was rather late, about 7:30pm or so when taping should be starting. He did his usual routine, but even he seemed a little more rushed than usual, because (I suspected) they had a lot of taping to do that night so he needed to get a move on. He got us pumped up and made us practice clapping and cheering, and he also brought out Mark the stage manager to tell us when to start going crazy on his cue. I don’t remember much of what he did or said to be honest, but I’ll tell you what I do remember:
Just as quickly as that, he got word that Stephen was ready to come out, and he got us all fired up and ready to go. As we cheered, chanted and clapped, I wondered where Stephen was gonna come out from. The entrance to the interview area was blocked by the Killers’ instruments, so I thought that maybe he’d be coming out from the sides. And also, Stephen’s BG didn’t come around to all of us in the front and give us the spiel on high-fiving Stephen, so I wondered if we would actually get to high-five Stephen at all, or would he just walk out to the little bit of room left in the middle (thanks to the instruments and house backdrop taking up so much space) and begin the Q&A. Then, as the theme from ‘2001: A Space Odyssey’ reached its peak, the door of the house backdrop opened and out stepped out … STEPHEN!!! And man, did he look fine in his outfit that night. I especially liked his tie. *sighs* He gave Paul a big hug, took the microphone and still did his jog around in a circle and high-fiving the people sitting in the front. This time, I was ready. I watched his hand, stuck mine out in its general direction and … I HIGH-FIVED HIM!!! I touched his hand!!! I actually let out a shriek of joy and jumped up and down after that fleeting moment of skin-to-skin contact. I didn’t care if anyone saw. I was so happy that I’d actually got to touch Stephen even for a few seconds. Then he flipped his microphone high into the air, took a deep bow to thunderous applause, then motioned to us to sit down. Then he said the whole “Anybody want to ask me anything before I get into character and say these terrible things in front of you?” spiel and the Q&A began.
Sadly, my memory became a little more foggy than usual at this part of my taping experience. I’m usually very good at remembering details, and this time it was so choppy. I completely blame it on birthday- and Stephen-induced giddiness and euphoria, which I hope you will understand and forgive me for. But also, because Stephen was in a teeny bit of a hurry to get onto the taping, he was answering questions quite quickly, and quite a number of questions were asked during the Q&A. So, in no particular order, here’s what I remember the most as best as I can, and if ever something jogs my memory, I’ll write it down in the comments section:
Just like the last two times, I didn’t ask Stephen a question. But I’ve come to realize that I don’t have any questions for Stephen. I have statements. I have proclamations. I have songs of praise. I just want to talk to him, have a normal conversation with him, even for a few minutes. If I ever think of something especially burning that I really want to know, I’ll certainly try to ask him, but I’ve pretty much become comfortable with not asking him anything during the Q&A. Even then, I was too busy watching and listening and inner-flailing to ask him anything.
Pretty soon he asked us if we were ready, and, once we shouted our affirmation, he replied “All right, onward!”, flipped the microphone towards Mark, and bounded up to the eagle’s nest. Promptly the make-up, microphone and hair ladies walked up to Stephen to finish the final touches. Usually this is my favourite part to watch during the taping experience, but I didn’t this time, because the two girls sitting next to me and I were being relocated. Let me mention that up until that point, the three of us weren’t sitting in chairs; they’d actually been removed and we’d been sitting on boxes. Stephen’s BG had told us that Stephen was going to tape a special bit before the actual taping for that night’s episode around the area with the house backdrop, and the cameras needed to be around it to film Stephen at all directions, so we three had to move and sit on the steps between the other audience members, which was fine by us. I had a bit of trouble because I had my handbag, puffy jacket and scarf to carry in my arms and the steps at the bottom had been removed, so I had to take a giant step to get onto the first ledge of the seating area. But Stephen’s BG was a gentleman: he held my elbow steady as I went up the steps and made sure that I was seated fine enough so that I could still see through the cameras in position. He did the same thing to the other two girls. Thus I missed my usual routine of watching Stephen go through his hair routine. But that’s okay. I have next time. I will say, though, that I noticed that one of the ladies (I believe it’s the make-up lady) is expecting! Seriously, just how productive is Stephen’s staff?
When Stephen had been taken care of, he started flipping WristStrong bracelets into the audience, and, once again, no matter how much I waved or did the grabby hand motion, I didn’t get one. 🙁 At some point, he pretended to begin throwing a knife towards us, successfully scaring some people before winking at us, flipping it and catching it perfectly before putting it away. Then he spent a good amount of time talking to Mark and consulting him on his script, although they also shared some lighthearted moments. I love watching him in his element. Oh, to spend a day in his shoes and see what goes on behind closed TCR doors! When his consultation with Mark was over, he turned to us and told us that he was going to be filming a special bit for next week first before taping the actual show for that night’s episode, and he would also be doing the table of contents as well, so we had to clap and cheer as if it was the beginning of the actual show. Finally, he told us to just have fun: since the beginning of the show, there’ve been two characters…Stephen and the audience – if we have fun, he’ll have fun, and everything will be great. And with that, the countdown counted down, Stephen launched into the table of contents, Mark twirled his newspaper baton, and we went into audience mode for the special pre-taped bit for a later date.
*MAJOR SPOILER ALERT IF YOU HAVE NOT YET WATCHED THE OCTOBER 25TH, 2012 EPIODE FEATURING MITCH DANIELS*
Stephen began the bit by talking about how Halloween was upon us and how we can prepare for it and how to stay safe. He brought out two plastic jack o’ lantern containers from under his desk, one filled with Halloween candy and the other filled with razor blades, and explained that that way, parents can see that there’s nothing dangerous inside the candy and their kids won’t be harmed. He also said that, knowing that the economy is still putting people into a crunch, he had some ideas for parents on putting together a Halloween costume for their kid on a budget using items all around the house, and he had invited a special guest to come over and help him out with that.
At that point, a doorbell sound rang out, and Stephen took the jack o’ lantern of candy and ran around his desk to the house backdrop. He opened the door, and in came … TOM HANKS!!! The whole studio erupted into cheers and we were all on our feet going bananas. I in particular just kept chorusing “Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod etc!” because I could not believe that I was actually seeing Tom Hanks in the flesh, and so close to me too! After we quieted down, Stephen and Tom began their bit on showing that you don’t have to spend a lot of money on a Halloween costume when you can just put it together with stuff found around the house. However, we soon saw that the gag of the bit was that Tom was trying to get us to watch all the movies he’s acted in so to keep his career afloat, although he made excuses by pointing how some household items could be useful in creating the costume. He also kept plugging for his new movie coming out soon called ‘Cloud Atlas’. He did all this by having children ring the doorbell and coming in dressed as a character from one of his films before being sent off on their way with candy. The first kid that came in was a boy dressed as Woody from ‘Toy Story’. After that was a girl dressed as Jim Lovell, his astronaut character from ‘Apollo 13’. Then
in came a little boy dressed as Chuck Noland from ‘Cast Away’, but he was also carrying a UPS box, and when Stephen asked him who he was supposed to be, he replied that he was a UPS postal worker.
At this point “Stephen” was starting to get frustrated with Tom and seeing through his ruse, which Tom denied even though he, at some point, held up DVDs of all of his most well-known movies and plugged them. Then the doorbell rang again, and in came four boys dressed as characters that Tom plays in Cloud Atlas, but “Stephen” did not realize this until he asked them what they were supposed to be and they told him their names. Spoiler Alert: one of the boys in this foursome was none other than Master John Colbert, Stephen’s youngest son! He actually recited a tiny bit of dialogue that was from the movie. Let me say this, he’s inherited his father’s penchant for performing. And, instead of candy, Tom sent the boys off on their way with his DVDs.
By now “Stephen” was very angry with Tom and told him that if he kept this up, he was going to have to ask him to leave. He said this with such a pained look on his face. Cue in “Awww!” reaction from us the audience. Tom begged him to give him another chance, and “Stephen” agreed, but only one more chance. Then the doorbell rang one more time, but this time Tom got to the door before “Stephen” and started struggling and pushing away whoever was on the other side of the door and telling them to go away. Then he pulled away, and in came a young boy dressed as a soldier, looking just like Private Ryan. And “Stephen” looked at Tom with a hard look on his face and said, “And this has absolutely nothing to do with your movie, ‘Saving Private Ryan’?” And Tom replied with, “No, no! He’s dressed as one of our brave men in the military.” “Stephen” seemed to accept that, and, after sending the boy off with candy, told Tom that he misjudged him and owed him an apology. But then at that point, in burst through the door MATT DAMON in Private Ryan garb!!! Cue in the audience going bananas and me chorusing “Ohmigod! etc” again. He angrily asked Tom what the hell was going on, that he was told to come and help out with something and instead he was pushed away from the door when he arrived (so THAT’S who Tom was pushing away at the door earlier). He was about to add in another angry retort when he saw the bowl of candy, said “Ooh! Candy!”, grabbed it, and left. After more applause and cheers from us, “Stephen” closed the door, looked at Tom with another hard look on his face and asked, “Tom? Is there something you want to say?” Tom replied, “Yes, actually there is, Stephen.” Then he turned to the camera and said, with a big smile, “Go see Cloud Atlas!” And with that, the bit ended.
Even after the cameras were turned off, we were still cheering and clapping so hard. Stephen told us to clap for Tom, which we did gladly and more. Then he got Matt Damon and all the children who participated in the bit (very likely children or nieces and nephews of Stephen’s staff) to come back out for another bow. They were all adorable, and they handled themselves in front of the camera with such aplomb for their young age. Then they all left, except for the Cloud Atlas foursome, because (as Stephen then explained to us) they needed to redo the bit where they were introducing themselves because a couple of the boys spoke a little too softly and the microphones needed to pick up their voices. They redid the introduction part and it went fine, and John was able to do his little dialogue again. I swear I thought I saw a glint of pride in Stephen’s eyes for a few seconds. Then we clapped for them again and Stephen shook all of their hands, except for John whom I suspect Stephen kissed because moments after he turned away from him, John was rubbing his cheek a little bit. Then they all left and we clapped and cheered for Tom once more, while he grabbed whatever candy was left and started throwing it into the stands. People were in a frenzy trying to catch whatever candy came their way. I didn’t get any … but MUCH later, I was able to snaffle something. I’ll mention that later. Then Tom left and Stephen went back to his desk. Before he sat down, he turned to us, pointed back at the backdrop and said, “THAT’S why I don’t feel upstaged by Jon tonight!” with a huge grin on his face, to which we clapped and cheered raucously yet again. Once he sat down, he told us then that the boy who did the dialogue was his son, John. I, of course, already knew that, but I still awwed along with everyone else just because. Then he said that NOW they were going to start taping the actual show, and he was going to do the table of contents again, so he challenged us “to try and be just as entertained again as we were before.” Oh, we were ready, all right. And right before he began, he quickly asked Mark how long that bit took, which turned out to be 10 ½ minutes. “Ten and a half minutes!!” he exclaimed, half-laughing giddily and half-with a look of “Oh God!” on his face, like he was in disbelief. Mind you, it felt a lot shorter to me, that bit. But it was still great fun, and SO awesome that we got to be in the presence of two big movie stars. I hope that they show most of it whenever it airs!
*END OF SPOILERS*
At this point, after the pre-taping of the special bit, the camera people moved out of the way, real chairs were brought out and the two girls and I were moved back down to the front row. And Stephen’s BG was a gentleman again by taking my elbow again and steadying me as I came down. We got ourselves ready and then the real taping began. Stephen started the table of contents again, but some of the audience was a little too eager to begin because they started laughing and cheering right before Stephen said a word! And Stephen broke character, laughed and yelled at us, “Not yet! Don’t start laughing when I haven’t even gotten to the punch line yet!” We cracked up. We’re sorry, Stephen! But you know your loyal subjects of the Colbert Nation! We’re always ready to do whatever our leader tells us! Still, it was really funny how eager we were to be a great audience. So Stephen started all over again and this time, we behaved right up until he finished the table of contents and THEN we started cheering through the theme song, the eagle cry and when the cameras were panning around from behind the desk, capturing us in our mindless, euphoric glory. As you no doubt saw later that night, he ended up cutting out the table of contents because of time constraints. And that also explains what he meant by “You’re so good at that, it’s almost it’s like the, not the first time you’ve done that tonight!”, because, of course, it was the second time we’d cheered mindlessly for him that night!
Shameless plug: YOU CAN SEE ME!!! On the full episode from 0:20-0:23, and on the individual clip entitled “Celebrity Campaign Endorsements” from 0:01-0:05, you can see me very clearly!! I’m in the front row on the far left side (facing the desk) and wearing a light brown long-sleeved top with jeans and a one-hundred watt smile, my hands clapping feverishly over my head before pumping both of my fists into the air as the camera fades back to Stephen at his desk. If someone can make a few screencaps of that, or even a GIF if possible, I will love you forever. Gotta keep track of my (very brief) TV appearances! 😉
The celebrity campaign endorsements segment went off without a hitch, with all us laughing at the idea of a prognosticating squirrel predicting that Romney will win the election. *knocks frantically on wood* And Stephen reading off Mitt’s list of things to do on Day One of his presidency was a real treat and hysterically funny. On the next segment on cows being fed candy instead of corn feed due to the drought, I can tell you that Stephen talked in more detail and showed more video on the process of how leftover candy is made into cow feed right after the part when he talks about how” the Mexicans have been stuffing their donkeys full of sweets for years”, which ended up getting cut out of the final edit. It was probably a good thing that was done because the whole thing was rather nauseating. And Stephen had a crack up around the part when he was talking about how he thought a bushel was a group of geese; I think he tripped over his words after that statement a little bit, but either way he still ended up laughing and asking Mark if he could redo that bit again. He added to us that through the magic of TV, and if we didn’t text or tweet, nobody would have to know of his “incompetence”. Aww, Stephen! You’re not incompetent at all! But I noticed that when he was re-talking about how much the price of bushels had risen in recent years, he accidently said “3.35” instead of “3.25”. No doubt he dubbed over that mistake later that night when he and this editors were editing the footage for that night’s episode. I expected somebody on his staff to interrupt him and tell him that they needed to re-do that bit again, but nobody spoke up. At least it was fixed for later.
The Corn Palace segment was shown in its entirety, both live and on TV, which was good. We were laughing hysterically the whole time from all the corn puns and the sheer absurdity of the whole thing. I myself had never known that something like this existed, so it was a good educational moment for me, but mostly I was just laughing or facepalming. It was also a joy to watch Stephen. During the whole bit, either he would be writing down something on his script, or he was watching the bit himself with us. Every so often he would smile that beautiful smile of his and laugh at something he said in the narration, like he himself was amused by the bit. For me, that is one of the most beautiful sights to behold. I also noticed his staff and cameramen standing around watching the monitors and smiling and laughing along.
After that, a long pause followed where Stephen was consulting for a long time with his writers and Mark. Paul Dinello was one of those with him and it was so nice to see him again. By the way, ‘Stache Alert: Paul’s growing a very nice handlebar mustache! Granted, it makes him look a bit like Geraldo Rivera (that puts a nasty taste in my mouth), but it’s not a bad look! Plus it’s all for charity. Whenever Stephen was obscured by his writers, I would go back to chatting with the girls next to me, but once someone moved and Stephen came back into full view, I would go back to gazing at him intently. Generally he would go from scribbling on his script to discussing something with Mark, Paul and the others to laughing about something to being serious, all in one swift moment to another. Oh, to be a fly on the wall … or at least a very tiny eavesdropper.
Finally, after a particularly long wait (but it was okay because I was well entertained), the two main players of the Killers, Brandon Flowers and Ronnie Vannucci Jr., came onto the set and sat down on the stools while Stephen was still in consulting. After some point, the writers and Mark left the nest, and Stephen looked over at Brandon and Ronnie, caught their attention, smiled and waved at them enthusiastically, which they reciprocated. Stephen did a thumbs up as if to ask them, “All right?”, and Brandon responded back with a thumbs up as if to say, “All right!” It was cute. Stephen prepped himself for the beginning of the next segment while Ronnie and Brandon chilled on the other side, and soon he was ready, they were ready, Mark started the countdown, and the taping of the interview began. The interview went along longer than you saw that night; I guessed that they cut out quite a bit due to time constraints. Sadly I don’t really remember what they talked about, but it was cool to listen to them talk shop. Now I was unable to see Stephen for almost all the interview due to the lightning bolt light sign hanging in front of the keyboard where they were sitting behind, which was a bit annoying but oh well.
After the interview was over, the rest of the band started coming out and getting into position and tuning their instruments. The cameramen did some major maneuvering around so that they could film the performance all around. Stephen stood to the side and talked to Mark and Paul while they waited for the Killers to finish getting ready. Finally, everything was all set. Mark counted down, Stephen introduced them, and they began their first song. To be very honest, the only song I know by them is “Mr. Brightside”. But I enjoyed “Miss Atomic Bomb” very much, and everyone else in the audience did too. People were smiling and bopping their heads to the beat, and Stephen, Paul and Mark were doing the same thing on the side, on the platform where the desk is.
After that song was over, some more moving around and sorting about was done in preparation for the internet exclusive song. At some point, Stephen convinced a (slightly reluctant) Brandon to sing the National Anthem a cappella with him, with Stephen doing the bass part and Brandon doing the tenor part. When they started singing, everyone in the audience stood up and put their hands over their hearts. Some even joined in singing. Being a non-American, I stood up but didn’t do the hand thing, but I joined in the singing and was swooning listening to Stephen singing, as I always do. After they were done, Stephen stood around in the middle again and waited for the cameramen to finish. Stephen played around with one of the cameramen, the one manning the swinging camera that usually swoops down and captures everything in a sweeping motion: as the guy was moving the camera here and there, Stephen stared deep into the monitor and made various faces and followed it wherever it moved. The cameraman was clearly having fun himself and playing around with Stephen. I find it so great
that Stephen and his staff are able to have fun with each other in a job that’s usually taken very seriously everywhere else. Soon everything was all set again and Stephen introduced the internet exclusive song which actually happened to be a song off of their old album, Hot Fuss, the same album where “Mr. Brightside” also comes from, and the band started playing again.
During the second song, everyone got up and started clapping, grooving and basically having fun. I definitely had fun dancing and jumping up and down. I didn’t know the song very well, but I liked it. It sounded like a real concert in there, all the way down to the deafening decibels. It’s amazing the contrast between what it sounded like live and how it sounds on TV. Sometimes I glanced over at Stephen to watch what he was doing during the song. He was still standing around with Paul and Mark watching the performance. Sometimes he would be opping along himself. At some point he leaned over and whispered something into Paul’s ear, and when Paul whispered back to him, Stephen laughed and wrapped his arms around Paul’s shoulders and gave him some sort of hug. Paul smiled, laid his head on top of Stephen’s head, reached up and patted Stephen’s head in an affectionate, brotherly way. It was such a sweet, privy moment to witness.
Soon the song was over, we clapped for the Killers one last time at Stephen’s request, and then they left. When Stephen walked back to his desk, before sitting down, he turned around and smiled at us and thanked us for sticking around for such a long time and said we were a great audience, which made us happy. Then he sat down at the desk, did the sign-off with ‘The Killers’’ record album, and with that the live taping ended.
But Stephen didn’t leave right away. He told us that he needed to re-tape himself repeating a few random sentences from the segments he’d done that night because he said them wrong. So he repeated a few random sentences over and over again looking at the camera. I forget what they were, but I do remember that after saying one sentence, he quickly followed up with, “Cow says ‘Moo!’”, which cracked us up. Then, before leaving, he said he’d tell us a little story that had something to do with the cow comment he made. He talked about how, when he was still working at ‘The Daily Show’, during the time of Indecision 2004, Jon sent him on an assignment to the Iowa Democratic Caucuses to interview then-presidential hopefuls John Kerry and Howard Dean in January of 2004. Since the Daily Show had kind of been big during Indecision 2000, they needed to be bigger for 2004. So Stephen travelled to Iowa by bus and spent 3 days at the caucus. But when he was on his way there, he got word that Kerry had jumped like 11 points ahead of Dean and now was no longer available for Stephen to speak to because now the whole world wanted to talk to him. And Stephen got a bit worried because he needed to have something to bring back to New York with him. Fortunately he was able to set up an audience with Howard Dean and Dean’s representative told him what to ask and what not to ask. When he finally got to talk to Dean, because he’s working for a comedy show, he decided to ask him something funny, and the question he asked him went along the lines of, “So Governor Dean, you’re in Iowa in the farmland. I have to ask you this: What does the cow say?” And Dean answered the question very seriously. And after he was done, Stephen replied, “Uh, no sir, the cow says ‘Moo!’” Dean was good-natured about the whole thing, but his representative was rather miffed at Stephen. And when Dean and his staff left, Stephen was left standing alone in an empty elementary school corridor, and he pretty much banged his head against the wall and said to himself, “Three days in Iowa, and all I have to bring back to Jon is a few minutes of me asking Howard Dean about cows!” He felt rather incompetent. Just then, he heard a voice behind him say, “You got more material than I did!” He turned around, and it was Jake Tapper from CNN, who was just starting out at that time, and he didn’t even get to talk to Dean. And from that day on, he and Jake have been friends since that moment. “And that’s where the statement ‘The cow says ‘Moo!’ comes from,” he finished. We clapped in appreciation, he walked around his desk, threw open his arms and said “You were LOVELY! Good night, everybody!”. He smiled one final smile, waved at us, walked off, and disappeared.
Note: I did some research and I found the clip on the Daily Show website where Stephen actually asks Howard Dean that question and it also gives Dean’s full answer along with Stephen’s cow response. It’s entitled “The Simple Iowa Life” and the date is 1/20/04.
We waited a bit as the security guards made sure that Stephen was completely gone before giving us the okay to start leaving the studio. The two girls who’d been sitting next to me thanked their cameraman friend for getting them tickets, wished me happy birthday one more time and left in the throng of the crowd. I waited behind a bit because I wanted the crowd to thin out a bit. As I waited, I noticed something at the corner of my eye, and when I turned my head, I saw a Reese’s Peanut Butter cup lying underneath a chair, and I realized that it must have been one of the candies thrown at us earlier and no one noticed. I stealthily walked up the steps, swiped the candy from under the chair and put it into my pocket. Then I left the studio.
But I didn’t leave immediately. I noticed a crowd of people waiting around a side door with some black vans waiting right in front in position, and I guessed that they were waiting for the Killers to come out. I decided on a whim to wait around and try to see them up close myself. I chatted with some people on either side of me while we waited, which was about 20 minutes or so, I wasn’t really counting. Whenever somebody that was not them came out through the door, everyone would immediately hold up their phone, only to put them back down again once they realized that it was not who they were waiting for. But soon, a vibe went around the crowd that told us that someone from ‘The Killers’ was definitely coming out. The door opened, and out came Brandon. He stopped for a few autographs, but afterwards he went straight inside one of the black vans where I could see him playing around with his cell phone even through the tinted windows. After a few more minutes or waiting and false alarms, Ronnie came out. He was more gracious; he actually spent quite a while giving autographs, taking photos and talking to fans before going into another van. The other members of the band came out from another entrance and piled into the vans before they finally pulled away. Meanwhile, behind us, stage people were busy piling music equipment into one of the giant trucks that had been in front of the studio all day. When we’d walked back through the waiting area, it was filled with music equipment in big black boxes covering every square inch of the area.
Those who’d stayed to wait for the Killers then left, but a few people, myself included, still stayed standing around. I hadn’t planned on waiting for Stephen, but … that night … I
decided to take a chance, and my courage be damned if it failed me again. But it felt easier waiting for Stephen this time, since the last two times I’d been completely alone, but this time there were more people waiting so it made me feel more comfortable. At some point, a girl who was waiting around with her father shyly approached me and asked me if I was waiting for Stephen. I said I was and we decided to keep each other company. It was nice having someone to talk to for a change, and she was very sweet. She’d recently turned 18 a few days before and was so happy to finally attend a taping. I chatted with her and her father, and learned that they were from Ohio and had flown all the way to NY to see Stephen (she’d taken the day off from school) and they were planning on flying back tomorrow morning. I gave them a few tips on navigating around NY, and I also told her some anecdotes about being a fangirl and I mentioned the Hub to her. It felt really good to be an experienced fangirl sharing my pearls of wisdom with a novice, as well as feeling almost like a real New Yorker by now in terms of being able to direct people and help them navigate their way around the city. By and by, other people decided to leave, and soon it was only the three of us. At some point the girl’s father said that they should be getting back to the hotel soon because their flight the next morning was very early, but she begged him for another 5-10 minutes to try to see if Stephen would come out, though I mentioned that it was possible that he’d be coming out much later because a lot of footage had been shot and he and his editors needed to have the final edited episode ready for broadcast that night. She was more concerned that maybe he wouldn’t stop for a photo or autograph or even a chat, and I told her that, unless he was in a very great hurry, he was usually gracious and will stop even for a few minutes, based on accounts that I’d heard (I wonder where! 😉 ).
Finally, close to about 10pm, Stephen’s BG walked over to us and he warned us that it was going to be a very late night for Stephen, exactly for the same reason that I’d outlined above. So the girl and her father decided to leave then and took off. And then it was just me. It was getting quite late, and I had work very early the next morning, so I reluctantly decided to go home myself. But before doing so, I decided to try asking Stephen’s BG a question. Even though I feel more comfortable around him, and I know I have nothing to fear around him, I’m still always afraid of stepping over a forbidden line or going too far about something. But I figured that I had nothing to lose, and I’ve been told that I know how to tread on a subject delicately, so I decided to take a risk. I took a deep breath and shyly approached the bodyguard. He smiled and asked me what was up, and I asked him if he was allowed to pass on a message to Stephen. He asked me what kind of message, and I told him that all I really wanted to tell Stephen was that he did a great show and that he made my birthday all the more special. He said, “Oh! Is it your birthday today?”, and I said yes and he wished me a happy birthday, which was sweet of him. Then he said that it was a good thing that he put me in the front row then. I thanked him for being really awesome, not just for that night but also for last time when I was also put in the front row. Then he told me that he recognized me as a loyal fan because he remembers the last couple of times that I was at a taping, and he further said that he purposely put me in the front row last time and that night because I’m a good fan. How I’m very energetic, have lots of enthusiasm, how I behave well … I was blushing at this point, but not from shame. From joy. The fact that not only does Stephen’s bodyguard actually remember me, but also thinks highly and positively of me, just completely made my night, even though I didn’t get to see or talk to Stephen. I told him that Stephen was my role model, and he said that he’s a great person to be a role model to anyone. I also confided in him how I felt intimidated to talk to Stephen myself because I’m afraid of making a fool of myself or saying something wrong, and how I couldn’t believe I actually used to be a bit scared of him (the bodyguard, not Stephen). He told me that you should respect someone, but not be afraid of them (good words of advice), and he told me that Stephen is just a regular guy, just go up and talk to him, he’ll talk back to you. I definitely intend on keeping that in mind from now on. Near the end of our conversation, he promised me that he would pass on my message to Stephen, and he told me to come back to another taping soon, which I promised I would do. And with that, we said our goodbyes and I went home. For the rest of the night and the next day, I was on top of the world. It’s the best feeling I’ve felt in a long time, and something I wish I could feel every single day of my life. 🙂
So, to recap, I attended a great taping on my birthday, got a high-five from Stephen, saw some special surprise celebrity guests in the flesh, have a piece of Halloween candy thrown by one of said celebrity guests in my possession, listened and grooved to ‘The Killers’ putting on a ‘killer’ performance (haha, ba-dum ching), and had a personal conversation with Stephen’s bodyguard where I found out that not only does he remember me, but also thinks I’m a great fan and wants me to come back again soon and also gave me some useful advice to keep in mind. Suffice to say that it’s the best birthday I’ve had in a while. And now that I’ve made ‘physical’ contact with Stephen, even if it was for a few fleeting seconds, now the next step is making verbal contact with him. And I intend to make that happen, now that I feel more confident and know that it’s possible, as long as I tell myself that he’s just like everyone else and nothing will go wrong and I won’t make a fool out of myself. *knocks on wood* In the meantime, I hope everyone enjoyed this (as always) very lengthy reporT (again I’m sorry that I missed a few details here and there) and I can’t wait to write another one again soon, with hopefully my own Stephen experience! Excelsior!