You may recall in the last the site update that in addition to catching up with all of the content we were unable to post while the site was down, I also promised that a very special taping report was on it’s way. Well without further ado, here is my taping report from October 8th, 2014.
The eagle eyed Hubsters out there may have noticed that I had largely been absent from the site during the first weeks of October. I can assure you that there is a very good reason for my absence. A few weeks prior, a small window of opportunity opened up, and in a snap decision I emptied my piggy bank, grabbed a friend and booked two tickets to NYC. Wednesday, October 8th, 2014 was going to be a very special day indeed.
Arriving at LaGuardia, I couldn’t help but wonder why the airport got such a bad wrap. After all, the view the night of our arrival was simply stunning. The man sitting next to us, having noticed our foreign accents, pointed out all of New York’s finest features, a light shinning from the Statue of Liberty, the Financial District, the bridges, and Times Square, the billboards of which were so bright I could read them from the window of the plane. But perhaps most fittingly, the first store I glimpsed on American soil was Brooks Brothers as we zoomed through Dallas Fort Worth on our very short stop over.
After a quick car trip to our pad (lies, it was a basement shoebox), it was time to forage for food. Naturally, my first food purchase was a tub of AmeriCone Dream from the 7-Eleven around the corner. Unfortunately, I didn’t come across any Late Night Snack while on my travels, so I guess that means AmeriCone Dream wins the flavour war by default. Though sadly, it is far from my favourite Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavour – not enough chocolate. Sorry Stephen!
The morning of the big day started out quite unremarkably. Outfits were chosen, subway maps were studied and watches synchronised … that is, until I walked down the hallway into a giant puddle and the sound of running water … the toilet was overflowing in a manner I can only describe as requiring the construction of an arc. Brilliant. The biggest day of a young webmasters life and here I am standing in a puddle of pure New York City toilet water, and thankfully it was just water. My friend, seeing me standing in a puddle gave me the “Aren’t you going to fix that look” and continued curling her hair. As I splashed across the hall to our landlord, he informed me that “Oh yeah, it does that sometimes” and “We probably should put a plunger in that apartment” *facepalm*. Armed with a plunger I returned to conquer the busted toilet hell bent on ruining my special day.
With victory in hand, and my friends hair curled to perfection, we were off for our first forays in the subway system. But time was not of the essence. Nor was the subway as easy to navigate on our first attempt as we had hoped. Hotter and stuffier than an Australian summer spent crammed into a kombi van with a few hundred of your closest mates, we quickly learned the difference between ‘Uptown’ and ‘Downtown’, and after getting lost a few times, we made it to the 42nd St Station, where we emerged into Times Square, a place unlike any other we had ever been before. My friend, who likes being in big crowds loved it, I on the other hand hate people being in my personal space and already grumpy from this mornings toilet fiasco was not in the mood to deal with slow walking tourists and large crowds. Having finally found our bearings and zoomed off toward Hell’s Kitchen, we suddenly released just how big this city truly is.
Arriving a few minutes after 6PM, I apologised profusely to Stewart the audience co-ordinator explaining that we had trouble navigating the subway system, as it is very different to the ones in Australia. (He didn’t need to know about the toilet situation) Bad first impression made, and red tickets in hand, two hot sweaty messes join the back of the VIP line making their way through security. The nice security guard, not recognising me, asked how I managed to get a VIP ticket. I explained that I was the guest of a member of staff, still looking slightly puzzled, I elaborated that I was the founder and webmaster of Colbert News Hub. To my complete and utter surprise, he said, rummaging through my back pack, that he was familiar with the site having visited it once, and thanked me graciously for supporting the show.
Having picked my jaw up off the floor, we made our way to the back of the holding room near the doors to the street. Being an unseasonably warm day, and cursing the fact that my American friends had advised me not to bother packing any shorts, the nice security guard opened the doors so we could spread out under the blue awning. While waiting quietly at the back of the room, a few other staff members came up and briefly spoke to me, all of whom, were incredibly nice and welcoming. What struck me was how thoroughly security checks through people’s bags. An annoyance to some I imagine, a simple glance and pat down doesn’t seem particularly safe or adequate, as seems to be the norm at the many security check points we had passed through since arriving. It is nice to see that The Report’s security team really do seem to care about Stephen’s safety, and that of the staff and audience members.
As for the holding room itself, I didn’t get much chance to wander around and look at the various posters hanging on the wall, or get a photo with the card board cut out of Stephen. Someone had decided to sit at the base of it and not move for the remainder of our hour or so long wait. Annoyance aside, I took a few photo’s and one of my ticket of course, and watched The Report staff go about their business. I was surprised by how familiar it all seemed. Having read and edited every taping report posted on the Hub, and a fair few other posted on various other sites across the web, I was well prepared with what to expect, my friend having never been to a taping, was not. I was quite proud that she had spent the night before reading up on Colbert Report taping’s, and was generally quite excited, but she had not been briefed on the taping report protocol. Remember everything, I instructed, especially the pre-show Q&A and any bloopers. Skeptical, she agreed, but was less impressed when I informed her about waiting after the show. We had come all this way after all, I reminded her.
Before long, a male staff member with blonde hair stood on a chair in the holding room and briefed the assembled crowd on what to expect during the show and how to behave appropriately. Soon after, the VIP’s were ushered into the studio. The nice security guide seated us in the second row near to the interview table, my friend giving me the middle seat, so that I could be nearer to Stephen. Bless her.
A gentleman on crutches was seated next to me completing our little row. I’m sorry to say I have forgotten his name, but he soon struck up a conversation with me. My first audience buddy. Huzzah! I thought. As it turns out he is a veteran of the talk show audience circuit and encouraged us to hit the ‘Tonight Show’ standby ticket line the next morning. Not that fussed about Fallon, I made a mental note, knowing that my friend was a fan of his. Unfortunately, her friends were taking us to the Bronx Zoo the next day.
While waiting for the warm-up comedian to come out, we sat mesmerised by the fish floating by on the screens surrounding the C-desk. With encyclopedic knowledge, I began pointing out all of the various aspects of the set and items on the shelves to my friend, who was rather impressed by the Emmy on the mantle piece. I couldn’t help but wonder what would become of the set and all of the objects on the shelves once the show ends. Auctioned off for charity I presumed, but perhaps we can preserve them for all eternity in a museum dedicated to Stephen.
Once everyone was seated and settled the warm-up comedian came out, and to my delight it was Paul Mecurio. Following a crash course in how to laugh your arse off for television – the microphones can’t pick up ordinary laughter – and chant “Stephen, Stephen, Stephen” liked seasoned sports fans, he let rip at the audience. Naturally I forgot to warn my friend not to mention that we were foreign, knowing full well that out-of-towners are often prime targets. Thankfully, he didn’t ask. I’m sorry to say that I don’t recall everyone in the audience that he engaged with, but there were a few stand outs.
Glancing over the audience, Paul noticed a man with a truly impressive beard hanging halfway down his chest. Somewhat in the style of a hipster Mandy Patinkin, but much much longer. Naturally, he was a poet from Denver. Next, a man seated in the front row with his right arm in a sling, who was there with his partner. Paul assuming that they were gay, asked why they were not married seeing as it is now legal in the state of New York. The man’s partner immediately turned to him raising his ringless hand, to which Paul, without missing a beat, said you have a mouth to! Paul followed up by asking what the men did for a living. I don’t recall what Mr. Wont Put a Ring On It said, but Mr. Ringless said that he was a graphic designer, as Paul’s eyes lit up. Turns out Paul is in need of a new website, and asked how much he charged. The man said he worked mostly in print, but was sure that could reach an agreement. Paul gave him his contact email, and noted some of his upcoming tour dates.
Self promotion and business negotiations aside, the loud and enthusiastic Fordham students in the back row did not escape Paul’s attention. Joe (I think) and his mate Chaz (and his bright pink polo) were brought down the front. After quizzing them for some time on their studies, future career plans and love lives, or lack of, Paul suggested that Chaz and his pink shirt should hook up with the gay couple in the front row. Thoroughly embarrassed and likely questioning how desperate and dateless they truly are, they returned to their seats. After wrapping up the warm-up, Mark McKenna came out and gave us a run down on what to do during the taping. Mark seemed like a great guy, and was far more entertaining and enthusiastic than I had realised. He was a ball of fun and energy, and really added to the whole taping experience. Thank you Mark!
Then finally, the big moment had arrived! Stephen Colbert came running out, around the his c-desk, jumping off the platform, hi-fiving the front row and assembled crew members, before finally throwing his microphone up into the air, watching it spin three or four times and then catching it perfectly. Puffing and slightly breathless he thanked us all for coming then took some questions from the audience. I’m fairly certain that I remember them all, but I don’t recall the exact order in which the questions were asked, he did seem to speak very quickly throughout. It did seem like they were in quite a rush that night.
What will you miss most about the show?
Being able to say whatever I want. He went on to talk about interviewing Marcia Fudge the head of the Congressional Black Caucus who fought for immigration reform to include migrants from West Africa. He awkwardly laughed that the interview took place just before the Ebola outbreak in West Africa.
What is the best part of being Catholic?
Going to heaven.
Has there ever been a time when you were in a sling? (From the man with the sling)
Yeah, I had like tennis elbow and went to a medical centre in New York (he did say the name but I don’t remember). They put plates (or something along those lines) in, then took out some blood, spun the platelets, then re-injected it to make it heal faster. The doctor said not to lift anything heavier than a beer for one week. The next day I had to play one on one basketball on the show (I think it was against Arne Duncan). My arm is just for show now. (As he held it dangling by his side)
What is your fondest childhood memory?
Fishing in the rain with my father. (I don’t recall the name of the place, but at some point he mentioned that word ‘blue’, and I am pretty certain it was in South Carolina.) The fish were biting so well we didn’t need to use bait.
At that point someone from the middle section of the audience butted in and shouted out “a frenzy”, to which Stephen snapped “excuse we’re having a conversation here which doesn’t involve you”. But he did agree that it was a frenzy, and turned back to finish his answer. I don’t recall the rest of the answer, he threw me off when he snapped at the man for interrupting.
What is your favourite Carol Burnet skit?
I’m fairly certain he said ‘Went with the Wind‘, or something to that effect. And followed it up with a little imitation of the character.
There was a question about ‘Catcher in the Rye’ to which he gave a lengthy answer involving Franny and Zoe while pacing in front of his c-desk. Unfortunately, not having read the book I don’t recall his answer. Perhaps someone else in the audience that night might be able to better recall his answer.
The final question of the evening was,
What is your favourite body part?
My penis, because it feels good when I touch it.
And with that he went to his desk, laughed and raised his arms in “what was I supposed to say” manner. Perhaps he was worried we would question why it wasn’t his favourite body part. As customary his make-up and hair were touched up, and he stroked her hair in return. It was a little awkward as her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, but he still managed, to the laughter of about half the audience. He then fired WristStrong bracelets into the crowd. I didn’t realise they could ping so far without snapping. Most of them landed in the middle and upper rows, but one of the last ones came low in our direction. Looking like it was going to dip and curve down to the people sitting down to our right, my friend jumped a little when it landed perfectly under her folded arms. She examined it, and kindly gave it to me. Yay! With that, a few minor adjustments here and there, and the show finally begun.
The show was pretty much what was broadcast at home, except for one little mistake made near the beginning of the ‘Naming the War Against ISIS’ segment. He messed up Barack Obama’s name, saying something that sounded much like a cross between Obama and O’Reilly. During the breaks, the only writers to join Stephen at the desk were a smartly dressed Barry Julien, whose wrists Stephen was holding at one point. A little later on Tom Purcell also came out, but sadly no Paul Dinello sightings that night. I couldn’t see what they were talking about during the various breaks as a camera blocked their heads, but we did have a nice view of Barry’s butt. (Hi Barry!) I was quite excited when they wheeled out the ‘Name Chamber 5000’ and parked it near our section. After the break was over, Stephen started the segment before running over and popping inside with glee. Following the conclusion of the segment, Stephen, having made a proper mess of the studio, pointed towards his ears indicating that either he couldn’t hear properly in there or that it was too loud. Something along those lines.
Crew members cleaned up the paper and wheeled the chamber out, just as a blonde haired women helped Carol Burnett through the door to the side of the interview table. Noticing her entering we all stood and applauded, she thanked us and sat down, then Stephen, now back in character shouted “Free rides over Burnett!”. The interview was fantastic, though I don’t think you need me to tell you that, Carol did drop an f-bomb mid way through it after all. The look on Stephen’s face was priceless!
After the interview was over Stephen returned to his c-desk, but before sitting down he said to the audience that the taping was nearly over, and softly and sweetly started singing “We’ll Meet Again” by Vera Lynn.
“We’ll meet again // Don’t know where, don’t know when // But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day”.
Stephen then sat back down and taped the sign off. The taping was short but sweet, with only one quote needing to be re-read by Stephen. He explained that during this part, all we needed to do was sit quietly and watch. He put his foot on a shelf under his desk, removed the pen from his mouth, got comfortable and re-read the skinny George Lucas quote, as it didn’t come across clearly the first time.
I think there may have been one other word somewhere else in the taping that he needed to re-do, but apart from that, there were no more fixes. I was quite surprised at that the lack of re-takes needed. Multiple times during the taping both Mark and Stephen had a hard time getting the audience to sit back down and stop cheering and chanting “Stephen! Stephen! Stephen!” I know at points I definitely had a hard time hearing what Stephen was saying, not that that mattered, I was too busy watching Stephen and the staff working to absorb what the content of the show was actually about.
After briefly chatting with the staff once more Stephen resumed singing “We’ll Meet Again’, and motioned for us to stand and join him in a sing along. Not one to sing in company for a complete and utter lack of any vocal abilities at all, for the first time I happily joined in, not caring what I sounded like. Perhaps more to my surprise was that I was singing words to a song I don’t recall having heard before.
And with that, Stephen waved goodnight and left just as quickly as he entered. The taping was short but sweet, and both my friend and I enjoyed every moment of it, and are so glad we made the journey to see the show before it ends. As we were getting up to leave my audience buddy said he’d wait till the end so he wouldn’t get in people’s way with his crutches, and that he’d meet us outside as he was also going to try and wait for Stephen.
As we were making our way out Stewart the audience co-ordinator called my name, and introduced us to Stephen’s assistant Amy. We both thanked her for the tickets, and chatted for a while before she invited us back stage, as Stephen would like to meet me ….. now this I had not prepared for. How do you even prepare for such a thing?
The hallways backstage, which you may have seen in photograph’s, were still covered in pictures and artworks of Stephen. We waited in the green room (appropriately painted red, white and blue) and continued talking to Amy, who is absolutely lovely and such a joy to talk to. She gave us each a Colbert Report tote bag with a C-cap, WristStrong bracelet and grey Report t-shirt inside. On the off chance that I may actually have been able to meet Amy or Stephen, I brought them a packet of double coated Tim Tams as a small thank you gift.
I wont go into to too many details, as I would very much like to keep this a private memory, but I will say that both Stephen and Amy praised the site and thanked us for all of our hard work. My brain pretty much ceased functioning the moment Stephen walked into the room and shook my hand, and yes his hands are that soft, after which I pretty much dissolved into an awkward bundle of nerves. And I know it is such a cliche, but literally the first thing I noticed was that he was taller than the height listed on Google. I’m 5’10” when I don’t slouch, and he had a good inch on me. So, imagine my surprise when a few weeks later Stephen goes after Google for depriving him of that all important inch.
And in further proof that I returned home from London last summer with a full blown squirrel obsession, we talked about squirrels, Stephen at first was surprised. It seemed that everyone we met in New York was far from fans of those adorable little creatures, but then he realised that that they’re more of a European animal and that we just don’t have things that cute in Australia. I did ask him at that point if he’d been to Australia and he said no, he had been to New Zealand but called it a slang term I don’t remember. He was also very excited about the double coated Tim Tams, as we failed at trying to explain what type of biscuits they actually were. Unfortunately, our knowledge of America biscuits just isn’t up to scratch.
As quickly as Stephen appeared, he said thank you and goodnight and was off again. I hope at some point I thanked him for the show and for bringing such joy to so many people’s lives, and wished him well at the “Late Show”. I honestly can’t remember what I said *facepalm*, but I’m fairly certain my socially awkward self did not manage to express such things.
After that, Amy led us out of the building which is only a short walk across the hallway. Back outside my new audience friend was waiting with two girls by the stairs for Stephen. While we were waiting for the show to start he had asked me how I got VIP tickets so I had told him about the Hub, and he was very happy that we got to meet Stephen. He asked if we were going to wait with them, but we had already been so lucky that I didn’t want to interfere in their moment with Stephen, which I sincerely hope they got. I gave him a piece of paper with the Hub’s address on it, and said farewell. And with that, we practically floated back to Times Square, and walked around in a sea of bright lights in a joy filled daze.
I had spent my last day in New York wandering about the city one last time, stopping to take some photographs of the Ed Sullivan Theatre, and of course the “Daily Show” and “Colbert Report” buildings. I think I even saw the nice security guard on duty out front of the “Daily Show” but I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so I couldn’t be sure. I really hope it wasn’t him, the last thing I want him thinking is that I fobbed him off. But I guess I’ll never know.
It is sad to think that something that has come to be so familiar to so many will be gone in a matter of weeks, days, minutes. Even though I was so far from home, the streets around the studio didn’t seem strange or unfamiliar at all. At times I’ve felt more like a stranger in a strange land walking the streets of Sydney than New York. Perhaps one day the “Late Show” will visit Down Under, and make these streets seem a little more like home. But one thing I do know for sure, is that we sure do love him down here, and will miss him greatly until he regenerates and graces our screens once again on the “Late Show”.
And truth be told, I think he will do a fine job. For as long as I’ve known how to read, I have always had this weird fixation with the “Late Show”. As a child it was on too late for me to sit up and watch, but every time I picked up the TV guide, I always managed to see the words “The Late Show” and for the life of me could not figure out what on earth this show was about. When I was old enough to understand what a talk show was, I tried watching the show, but not knowing a thing about what was going on in America, I found the monologues hard to follow, the “Top Ten List” made little sense to me, and the interviews didn’t really interest me. So, why the fixation? My only explanation is that, somehow my brain knew that one day, this show would matter to me. And if this theory is just the concoction of an over stressed brain, then bloody hell!
On the drive back to the airport, I couldn’t help but reflect back on my trip, as the city skyline slowly retreated behind a cloud of fog as the rain started to fall. I left the city with a great sense of unfinished business, feeling that I had only just started my journey of discovery in a city that offers so much. Getting ever closer to home, my mind started to wonder … Will I ever be back in the Big Apple again? Will my little squirrel chums in Central Park remember me? Should I have bought those shoes from Century 21? But most of all, I couldn’t help but wonder, had I done a good job representing the Hub? I sincerely hope that I have not let you all down, and if I have, for that, I am truly sorry.
Even though I struggled to articulate it, I truly hope Stephen knows how much joy he has brought me and how appreciative I was that he took the time out of his busy day to meet me after the taping. And Stephen, if we ever meet again, I promise I won’t be so shy.
And with those final thoughts, this has been my first, last and only Colbert Report taping report.
Thank you for reading!
October 8th, 2014: The Taping ReporT!
You may recall in the last the site update that in addition to catching up with all of the content we were unable to post while the site was down, I also promised that a very special taping report was on it’s way. Well without further ado, here is my taping report from October 8th, 2014.
The eagle eyed Hubsters out there may have noticed that I had largely been absent from the site during the first weeks of October. I can assure you that there is a very good reason for my absence. A few weeks prior, a small window of opportunity opened up, and in a snap decision I emptied my piggy bank, grabbed a friend and booked two tickets to NYC. Wednesday, October 8th, 2014 was going to be a very special day indeed.
Arriving at LaGuardia, I couldn’t help but wonder why the airport got such a bad wrap. After all, the view the night of our arrival was simply stunning. The man sitting next to us, having noticed our foreign accents, pointed out all of New York’s finest features, a light shinning from the Statue of Liberty, the Financial District, the bridges, and Times Square, the billboards of which were so bright I could read them from the window of the plane. But perhaps most fittingly, the first store I glimpsed on American soil was Brooks Brothers as we zoomed through Dallas Fort Worth on our very short stop over.
After a quick car trip to our pad (lies, it was a basement shoebox), it was time to forage for food. Naturally, my first food purchase was a tub of AmeriCone Dream from the 7-Eleven around the corner. Unfortunately, I didn’t come across any Late Night Snack while on my travels, so I guess that means AmeriCone Dream wins the flavour war by default. Though sadly, it is far from my favourite Ben & Jerry’s ice cream flavour – not enough chocolate. Sorry Stephen!
The morning of the big day started out quite unremarkably. Outfits were chosen, subway maps were studied and watches synchronised … that is, until I walked down the hallway into a giant puddle and the sound of running water … the toilet was overflowing in a manner I can only describe as requiring the construction of an arc. Brilliant. The biggest day of a young webmasters life and here I am standing in a puddle of pure New York City toilet water, and thankfully it was just water. My friend, seeing me standing in a puddle gave me the “Aren’t you going to fix that look” and continued curling her hair. As I splashed across the hall to our landlord, he informed me that “Oh yeah, it does that sometimes” and “We probably should put a plunger in that apartment” *facepalm*. Armed with a plunger I returned to conquer the busted toilet hell bent on ruining my special day.
With victory in hand, and my friends hair curled to perfection, we were off for our first forays in the subway system. But time was not of the essence. Nor was the subway as easy to navigate on our first attempt as we had hoped. Hotter and stuffier than an Australian summer spent crammed into a kombi van with a few hundred of your closest mates, we quickly learned the difference between ‘Uptown’ and ‘Downtown’, and after getting lost a few times, we made it to the 42nd St Station, where we emerged into Times Square, a place unlike any other we had ever been before. My friend, who likes being in big crowds loved it, I on the other hand hate people being in my personal space and already grumpy from this mornings toilet fiasco was not in the mood to deal with slow walking tourists and large crowds. Having finally found our bearings and zoomed off toward Hell’s Kitchen, we suddenly released just how big this city truly is.
Arriving a few minutes after 6PM, I apologised profusely to Stewart the audience co-ordinator explaining that we had trouble navigating the subway system, as it is very different to the ones in Australia. (He didn’t need to know about the toilet situation) Bad first impression made, and red tickets in hand, two hot sweaty messes join the back of the VIP line making their way through security. The nice security guard, not recognising me, asked how I managed to get a VIP ticket. I explained that I was the guest of a member of staff, still looking slightly puzzled, I elaborated that I was the founder and webmaster of Colbert News Hub. To my complete and utter surprise, he said, rummaging through my back pack, that he was familiar with the site having visited it once, and thanked me graciously for supporting the show.
Having picked my jaw up off the floor, we made our way to the back of the holding room near the doors to the street. Being an unseasonably warm day, and cursing the fact that my American friends had advised me not to bother packing any shorts, the nice security guard opened the doors so we could spread out under the blue awning. While waiting quietly at the back of the room, a few other staff members came up and briefly spoke to me, all of whom, were incredibly nice and welcoming. What struck me was how thoroughly security checks through people’s bags. An annoyance to some I imagine, a simple glance and pat down doesn’t seem particularly safe or adequate, as seems to be the norm at the many security check points we had passed through since arriving. It is nice to see that The Report’s security team really do seem to care about Stephen’s safety, and that of the staff and audience members.
As for the holding room itself, I didn’t get much chance to wander around and look at the various posters hanging on the wall, or get a photo with the card board cut out of Stephen. Someone had decided to sit at the base of it and not move for the remainder of our hour or so long wait. Annoyance aside, I took a few photo’s and one of my ticket of course, and watched The Report staff go about their business. I was surprised by how familiar it all seemed. Having read and edited every taping report posted on the Hub, and a fair few other posted on various other sites across the web, I was well prepared with what to expect, my friend having never been to a taping, was not. I was quite proud that she had spent the night before reading up on Colbert Report taping’s, and was generally quite excited, but she had not been briefed on the taping report protocol. Remember everything, I instructed, especially the pre-show Q&A and any bloopers. Skeptical, she agreed, but was less impressed when I informed her about waiting after the show. We had come all this way after all, I reminded her.
Before long, a male staff member with blonde hair stood on a chair in the holding room and briefed the assembled crowd on what to expect during the show and how to behave appropriately. Soon after, the VIP’s were ushered into the studio. The nice security guide seated us in the second row near to the interview table, my friend giving me the middle seat, so that I could be nearer to Stephen. Bless her.
A gentleman on crutches was seated next to me completing our little row. I’m sorry to say I have forgotten his name, but he soon struck up a conversation with me. My first audience buddy. Huzzah! I thought. As it turns out he is a veteran of the talk show audience circuit and encouraged us to hit the ‘Tonight Show’ standby ticket line the next morning. Not that fussed about Fallon, I made a mental note, knowing that my friend was a fan of his. Unfortunately, her friends were taking us to the Bronx Zoo the next day.
While waiting for the warm-up comedian to come out, we sat mesmerised by the fish floating by on the screens surrounding the C-desk. With encyclopedic knowledge, I began pointing out all of the various aspects of the set and items on the shelves to my friend, who was rather impressed by the Emmy on the mantle piece. I couldn’t help but wonder what would become of the set and all of the objects on the shelves once the show ends. Auctioned off for charity I presumed, but perhaps we can preserve them for all eternity in a museum dedicated to Stephen.
Once everyone was seated and settled the warm-up comedian came out, and to my delight it was Paul Mecurio. Following a crash course in how to laugh your arse off for television – the microphones can’t pick up ordinary laughter – and chant “Stephen, Stephen, Stephen” liked seasoned sports fans, he let rip at the audience. Naturally I forgot to warn my friend not to mention that we were foreign, knowing full well that out-of-towners are often prime targets. Thankfully, he didn’t ask. I’m sorry to say that I don’t recall everyone in the audience that he engaged with, but there were a few stand outs.
Glancing over the audience, Paul noticed a man with a truly impressive beard hanging halfway down his chest. Somewhat in the style of a hipster Mandy Patinkin, but much much longer. Naturally, he was a poet from Denver. Next, a man seated in the front row with his right arm in a sling, who was there with his partner. Paul assuming that they were gay, asked why they were not married seeing as it is now legal in the state of New York. The man’s partner immediately turned to him raising his ringless hand, to which Paul, without missing a beat, said you have a mouth to! Paul followed up by asking what the men did for a living. I don’t recall what Mr. Wont Put a Ring On It said, but Mr. Ringless said that he was a graphic designer, as Paul’s eyes lit up. Turns out Paul is in need of a new website, and asked how much he charged. The man said he worked mostly in print, but was sure that could reach an agreement. Paul gave him his contact email, and noted some of his upcoming tour dates.
Self promotion and business negotiations aside, the loud and enthusiastic Fordham students in the back row did not escape Paul’s attention. Joe (I think) and his mate Chaz (and his bright pink polo) were brought down the front. After quizzing them for some time on their studies, future career plans and love lives, or lack of, Paul suggested that Chaz and his pink shirt should hook up with the gay couple in the front row. Thoroughly embarrassed and likely questioning how desperate and dateless they truly are, they returned to their seats. After wrapping up the warm-up, Mark McKenna came out and gave us a run down on what to do during the taping. Mark seemed like a great guy, and was far more entertaining and enthusiastic than I had realised. He was a ball of fun and energy, and really added to the whole taping experience. Thank you Mark!
Then finally, the big moment had arrived! Stephen Colbert came running out, around the his c-desk, jumping off the platform, hi-fiving the front row and assembled crew members, before finally throwing his microphone up into the air, watching it spin three or four times and then catching it perfectly. Puffing and slightly breathless he thanked us all for coming then took some questions from the audience. I’m fairly certain that I remember them all, but I don’t recall the exact order in which the questions were asked, he did seem to speak very quickly throughout. It did seem like they were in quite a rush that night.
What will you miss most about the show?
Being able to say whatever I want. He went on to talk about interviewing Marcia Fudge the head of the Congressional Black Caucus who fought for immigration reform to include migrants from West Africa. He awkwardly laughed that the interview took place just before the Ebola outbreak in West Africa.
What is the best part of being Catholic?
Going to heaven.
Has there ever been a time when you were in a sling? (From the man with the sling)
Yeah, I had like tennis elbow and went to a medical centre in New York (he did say the name but I don’t remember). They put plates (or something along those lines) in, then took out some blood, spun the platelets, then re-injected it to make it heal faster. The doctor said not to lift anything heavier than a beer for one week. The next day I had to play one on one basketball on the show (I think it was against Arne Duncan). My arm is just for show now. (As he held it dangling by his side)
What is your fondest childhood memory?
Fishing in the rain with my father. (I don’t recall the name of the place, but at some point he mentioned that word ‘blue’, and I am pretty certain it was in South Carolina.) The fish were biting so well we didn’t need to use bait.
At that point someone from the middle section of the audience butted in and shouted out “a frenzy”, to which Stephen snapped “excuse we’re having a conversation here which doesn’t involve you”. But he did agree that it was a frenzy, and turned back to finish his answer. I don’t recall the rest of the answer, he threw me off when he snapped at the man for interrupting.
What is your favourite Carol Burnet skit?
I’m fairly certain he said ‘Went with the Wind‘, or something to that effect. And followed it up with a little imitation of the character.
There was a question about ‘Catcher in the Rye’ to which he gave a lengthy answer involving Franny and Zoe while pacing in front of his c-desk. Unfortunately, not having read the book I don’t recall his answer. Perhaps someone else in the audience that night might be able to better recall his answer.
The final question of the evening was,
What is your favourite body part?
My penis, because it feels good when I touch it.
And with that he went to his desk, laughed and raised his arms in “what was I supposed to say” manner. Perhaps he was worried we would question why it wasn’t his favourite body part. As customary his make-up and hair were touched up, and he stroked her hair in return. It was a little awkward as her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, but he still managed, to the laughter of about half the audience. He then fired WristStrong bracelets into the crowd. I didn’t realise they could ping so far without snapping. Most of them landed in the middle and upper rows, but one of the last ones came low in our direction. Looking like it was going to dip and curve down to the people sitting down to our right, my friend jumped a little when it landed perfectly under her folded arms. She examined it, and kindly gave it to me. Yay! With that, a few minor adjustments here and there, and the show finally begun.
The show was pretty much what was broadcast at home, except for one little mistake made near the beginning of the ‘Naming the War Against ISIS’ segment. He messed up Barack Obama’s name, saying something that sounded much like a cross between Obama and O’Reilly. During the breaks, the only writers to join Stephen at the desk were a smartly dressed Barry Julien, whose wrists Stephen was holding at one point. A little later on Tom Purcell also came out, but sadly no Paul Dinello sightings that night. I couldn’t see what they were talking about during the various breaks as a camera blocked their heads, but we did have a nice view of Barry’s butt. (Hi Barry!) I was quite excited when they wheeled out the ‘Name Chamber 5000’ and parked it near our section. After the break was over, Stephen started the segment before running over and popping inside with glee. Following the conclusion of the segment, Stephen, having made a proper mess of the studio, pointed towards his ears indicating that either he couldn’t hear properly in there or that it was too loud. Something along those lines.
Crew members cleaned up the paper and wheeled the chamber out, just as a blonde haired women helped Carol Burnett through the door to the side of the interview table. Noticing her entering we all stood and applauded, she thanked us and sat down, then Stephen, now back in character shouted “Free rides over Burnett!”. The interview was fantastic, though I don’t think you need me to tell you that, Carol did drop an f-bomb mid way through it after all. The look on Stephen’s face was priceless!
After the interview was over Stephen returned to his c-desk, but before sitting down he said to the audience that the taping was nearly over, and softly and sweetly started singing “We’ll Meet Again” by Vera Lynn.
“We’ll meet again // Don’t know where, don’t know when // But I know we’ll meet again, some sunny day”.
Stephen then sat back down and taped the sign off. The taping was short but sweet, with only one quote needing to be re-read by Stephen. He explained that during this part, all we needed to do was sit quietly and watch. He put his foot on a shelf under his desk, removed the pen from his mouth, got comfortable and re-read the skinny George Lucas quote, as it didn’t come across clearly the first time.
I think there may have been one other word somewhere else in the taping that he needed to re-do, but apart from that, there were no more fixes. I was quite surprised at that the lack of re-takes needed. Multiple times during the taping both Mark and Stephen had a hard time getting the audience to sit back down and stop cheering and chanting “Stephen! Stephen! Stephen!” I know at points I definitely had a hard time hearing what Stephen was saying, not that that mattered, I was too busy watching Stephen and the staff working to absorb what the content of the show was actually about.
After briefly chatting with the staff once more Stephen resumed singing “We’ll Meet Again’, and motioned for us to stand and join him in a sing along. Not one to sing in company for a complete and utter lack of any vocal abilities at all, for the first time I happily joined in, not caring what I sounded like. Perhaps more to my surprise was that I was singing words to a song I don’t recall having heard before.
And with that, Stephen waved goodnight and left just as quickly as he entered. The taping was short but sweet, and both my friend and I enjoyed every moment of it, and are so glad we made the journey to see the show before it ends. As we were getting up to leave my audience buddy said he’d wait till the end so he wouldn’t get in people’s way with his crutches, and that he’d meet us outside as he was also going to try and wait for Stephen.
As we were making our way out Stewart the audience co-ordinator called my name, and introduced us to Stephen’s assistant Amy. We both thanked her for the tickets, and chatted for a while before she invited us back stage, as Stephen would like to meet me ….. now this I had not prepared for. How do you even prepare for such a thing?
The hallways backstage, which you may have seen in photograph’s, were still covered in pictures and artworks of Stephen. We waited in the green room (appropriately painted red, white and blue) and continued talking to Amy, who is absolutely lovely and such a joy to talk to. She gave us each a Colbert Report tote bag with a C-cap, WristStrong bracelet and grey Report t-shirt inside. On the off chance that I may actually have been able to meet Amy or Stephen, I brought them a packet of double coated Tim Tams as a small thank you gift.
I wont go into to too many details, as I would very much like to keep this a private memory, but I will say that both Stephen and Amy praised the site and thanked us for all of our hard work. My brain pretty much ceased functioning the moment Stephen walked into the room and shook my hand, and yes his hands are that soft, after which I pretty much dissolved into an awkward bundle of nerves. And I know it is such a cliche, but literally the first thing I noticed was that he was taller than the height listed on Google. I’m 5’10” when I don’t slouch, and he had a good inch on me. So, imagine my surprise when a few weeks later Stephen goes after Google for depriving him of that all important inch.
And in further proof that I returned home from London last summer with a full blown squirrel obsession, we talked about squirrels, Stephen at first was surprised. It seemed that everyone we met in New York was far from fans of those adorable little creatures, but then he realised that that they’re more of a European animal and that we just don’t have things that cute in Australia. I did ask him at that point if he’d been to Australia and he said no, he had been to New Zealand but called it a slang term I don’t remember. He was also very excited about the double coated Tim Tams, as we failed at trying to explain what type of biscuits they actually were. Unfortunately, our knowledge of America biscuits just isn’t up to scratch.
As quickly as Stephen appeared, he said thank you and goodnight and was off again. I hope at some point I thanked him for the show and for bringing such joy to so many people’s lives, and wished him well at the “Late Show”. I honestly can’t remember what I said *facepalm*, but I’m fairly certain my socially awkward self did not manage to express such things.
After that, Amy led us out of the building which is only a short walk across the hallway. Back outside my new audience friend was waiting with two girls by the stairs for Stephen. While we were waiting for the show to start he had asked me how I got VIP tickets so I had told him about the Hub, and he was very happy that we got to meet Stephen. He asked if we were going to wait with them, but we had already been so lucky that I didn’t want to interfere in their moment with Stephen, which I sincerely hope they got. I gave him a piece of paper with the Hub’s address on it, and said farewell. And with that, we practically floated back to Times Square, and walked around in a sea of bright lights in a joy filled daze.
I had spent my last day in New York wandering about the city one last time, stopping to take some photographs of the Ed Sullivan Theatre, and of course the “Daily Show” and “Colbert Report” buildings. I think I even saw the nice security guard on duty out front of the “Daily Show” but I wasn’t wearing my glasses, so I couldn’t be sure. I really hope it wasn’t him, the last thing I want him thinking is that I fobbed him off. But I guess I’ll never know.
It is sad to think that something that has come to be so familiar to so many will be gone in a matter of
weeks, days, minutes. Even though I was so far from home, the streets around the studio didn’t seem strange or unfamiliar at all. At times I’ve felt more like a stranger in a strange land walking the streets of Sydney than New York. Perhaps one day the “Late Show” will visit Down Under, and make these streets seem a little more like home. But one thing I do know for sure, is that we sure do love him down here, and will miss him greatly until he regenerates and graces our screens once again on the “Late Show”.And truth be told, I think he will do a fine job. For as long as I’ve known how to read, I have always had this weird fixation with the “Late Show”. As a child it was on too late for me to sit up and watch, but every time I picked up the TV guide, I always managed to see the words “The Late Show” and for the life of me could not figure out what on earth this show was about. When I was old enough to understand what a talk show was, I tried watching the show, but not knowing a thing about what was going on in America, I found the monologues hard to follow, the “Top Ten List” made little sense to me, and the interviews didn’t really interest me. So, why the fixation? My only explanation is that, somehow my brain knew that one day, this show would matter to me. And if this theory is just the concoction of an over stressed brain, then bloody hell!
On the drive back to the airport, I couldn’t help but reflect back on my trip, as the city skyline slowly retreated behind a cloud of fog as the rain started to fall. I left the city with a great sense of unfinished business, feeling that I had only just started my journey of discovery in a city that offers so much. Getting ever closer to home, my mind started to wonder … Will I ever be back in the Big Apple again? Will my little squirrel chums in Central Park remember me? Should I have bought those shoes from Century 21? But most of all, I couldn’t help but wonder, had I done a good job representing the Hub? I sincerely hope that I have not let you all down, and if I have, for that, I am truly sorry.
Even though I struggled to articulate it, I truly hope Stephen knows how much joy he has brought me and how appreciative I was that he took the time out of his busy day to meet me after the taping. And Stephen, if we ever meet again, I promise I won’t be so shy.
And with those final thoughts, this has been my first, last and only Colbert Report taping report.
Thank you for reading!