EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 1 (Tuesday, September 8, 2015)
GUESTS: George Clooney | Jeb Bush | Mavis Staples
SPECIAL GUEST(S): Jon Stewart | Buddy Guy | Derek Trucks | Ben Folds | Brittany Howard | Aloe Blacc | Susan Tedeschi | Paul Janeway | Zach Condon | Kyle Resnick | Ben Lanz
STAFF CAMEO(S): Bryan Dinello (as the Doorman)
BAND: Eddie Barbash | Louis Cato | Joe Saylor | Michael Thurber
THEME SONG: “Humanism” by Jon Batiste and Stay Human
SEGMENTS: Play Ball | Welcome to The Late Show OR The Mentalist | Stephen’s Tribute to David Letterman | Introducing The New Ed Sullivan Theater | All You Can Trump Buffet | George Clooney (“Decision Strike”) | Jeb Bush (President Candidate) | Mavis Staples and Friends – “Everyday People” | Late Night Locker Room
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | White Shirt | Maroon Patterned Tie
Hello!! We are welcoming you all back with a brand new Episode Guide. It has been a long 9 months, but ‘The Late Show With Stephen Colbert’ has finally started!! Last night’s show was jam packed with exciting moments, and I will talk about them all here in this very first Late Show Episode Guide! Let’s get started!
The show opened with Stephen singing a song that he loves so very much. The Star Spangled Banner was sung in various places from a bowling alley to a classic all American baseball field. On that baseball field was a very familiar face, Jon Stewart! He came out of his “retirement” to say “Play Ball”, and start off the show!
Stephen entered the stage and began dancing with Jon Batiste. Stephen did the ever so famous “spin” of his, and a few new high kick moves that he must have learned from Jon Batiste. The audience cheered and applauded, and even started doing the “Stephen” chant. The chant lives on!
Stephen began the show with a greeting that we are all too familiar with “Hello Nation”. A different tone in his voice as he said it, letting everyone know that the character is shed, and that we are getting the real Stephen Colbert. To our surprise Stephen decided to keep this greeting. Will this be the way he greets us every night? We will have to tune in , and find out! The audience gave him a well deserved standing ovation to which he responded “Well folks, If I knew you were going to do that I would’ve come out months ago”.
The traditional late night monologue was then started. He began the first joke of the evening with saying “You are all witnessing television history, and like most history it’s not on the history channel.” Yes, we are all witnessing television history, as we see Stephen begin his new late night journey. Stephen then graciously thanked the network CBS for giving him those long 9 months to create this show , “As long as I have 9 months to make 1 hour of T.V I could do this forever.” Stephen then claimed that we will all be discovering who he is along with him, “I begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert, I just hope I don’t find him on Ashley Madison”. Leslie Moonves the President and Chief Executive Officer at CBS made an appearance in the audience last night. He sat behind a chair with a buzzer, one for ‘Late Show’ and the other for ‘The Mentalist’. He just wanted to be sure that the show had a back up plan, in case things didn’t work out, “It’s just a precaution, the show’s going great, and I’m sure I will have no need to use this thing, move on”. Moonves played a ‘Mentalist’ clip as a warning, but Stephen got the message, and the rest of the show proved that . Stephen listed the guests he had for the night. He stated that George Clooney may not have been there to push anything, but that he might be in on a bank job, “Unless he’s trying to distract me while Matt Damon steals all the gold from my vault”. Jeb Bush was the next guest, in which Stephen claimed that Jeb will finally have the stage all to himself. He also got his first jab at Trump in midst of talking about Jeb, “As many of you know of course, Governor Bush was the Governor of Florida for 8 years, and you would think that, that much exposure to oranges and crazy people would’ve prepared him for Donald Trump”. The first of many Trump jokes that were started that night.
Time to take it over to the desk! Stephen is not used to standing and giving a monologue, but he is used to sitting at the desk. The desk is where all the best moments happened on ‘The Colbert Report’, and Stephen did not disappoint with his desk segments from last night. First off he pointed out that the desk is in fact made of desk, “This was carved out of a single piece of desk.” The new desk features a nice blue shining sign that says “The Late Show With”, no name needed as we know the person who’s sitting behind it. The first of many desk segments was his touching speech about legendary stage manager Biff Henderson or rather his boss Mr. David Letterman, “As hard as we have worked to make it to this day. There is no way I would be here right now if not for the man who graced this stage for 22 years. I’m talking of course about Biff Henderson, a legend. A legend of stage managing, but in a larger sense perhaps I should be thanking his boss David letterman. I bow to no man in my fandom of David Letterman. I am first generation Letterman fan. I started college the same year Dave started in late night, and not having the fullest social calendar, I was frequently available for Dave at 12:30. I just wanna say that it is possible to lose sight of how much Dave changed comedy. The comedy landscape is so thickly planted with the forrest of Dave’s ideas that we sometimes need to remind ourselves just how tall he stands. So, just for the record I’m not replacing David Letterman. His creative legacy is a high pencil mark on a doorframe that we all have to measure ourselves against. But, we will try to honor his achievement by doing the best show we can, and occasionally making the network very mad at us.” Stephen assures us that he is not here to take Mr. Letterman’s place, but to create a new era in late night comedy history. Stephen then shows us the lovely renovated theater!! Michael Angelo was unavailable to paint the ceiling, “I wanted to have Michael Angelo paint it, but it turns out ninja turtles aren’t real.”
So, the team had to improvise and digitally project a stain glass church theme with the name of the show, and pictures of Stephen’s face. Stephen then takes a look at the giant screens he has behind him, and all over the set. Stephen didn’t have any boring guests on last night, so the monitors did not have to be used to entertain him, “In case the guest gets boring I can watch T.V over their shoulder.” Although since there wasn’t a guest out yet, Stephen decided to see what was on T.V for the night, and we saw some familiar faces. The two cats from the “SouthPaw” video, Monroe’s public access hosts, and a good pal of Stephen’s, Jimmy Fallon. The two chatted about their guests for the night, and ended the conversation with “See ya in the locker room”. Guess we will have to wait and see what that’s about.
Stephen moves on and points out his memorabilia. First up is the Captain America shield. It is displayed proudly on the second floor of the set for everyone to see, and goes nicely with the colors of the new set. Stephen points out that the shield may be made of indestructible vibranium, but it can not withstand the powerful forces of modern technology , “It is not microwave safe”. Stephen shows us the second piece of memorabilia, his mother’s pennant from when she attended Martin Luther King’s I Have A Dream Speech. Stephen then points out his “Pretty Sweet” ancient cursed amulet. Did you hear that ? Is that a bear growl? Grimmy coming back for revenge? No, that was the sound of the ancient cursed amulet. Stephen explained to us his deal with the Assyrian fire god, whom I can not name, “Here’s the thing, and it’s kind of a boring story, but in exchange for getting this show I swore a blood oath on the amulet of the snake headed Assyrian fire god…I cant say his full name or he would feast on the blood of the innocent, and I’m saving that for sweeps, but uhhh turns out there was a catch , uhhh I must be forever enslaved to it’s hideous drone and make certain regrettable compromises. But not tonight, tonight’s happy.” The drone growled louder and demanded Stephen talk about the sponsor for last night … Sabra Humus!, “It’s made from simple fresh ingredients that bring people together one bite at a time”.
Segment number one at the desk was a success, time for segment number two. Stephen says something that surprised us all, “Can we talk about the election for a second?” The first night and he’s already talking politics! Time to see what Stephen has been wanting to do for nine long months, tell jokes about Donald Trump. Stephen talked about what Trump says, or rather what he eats, Jimmy throw to clip! Donald Trump will no longer eat Oreos, “That’s right Donald Trump is swearing off of Oreo’s”. So why is Trump so angry with Oreos? Stephen explains through a metaphor, “He claims that Mexico is taking our economy and ripping it in two, scraping out the creamy center, and then they’re dunking it in milk”. Stephen might have gotten a little too lost in the Oreo goodness, but he finds his place and continues. Stephen then claims that one Trump joke is enough, and that’s the only treat he will allow himself. But, Stephen’s deserved another treat after 9 long months, so he goes for one more. Jimmy throws to Trump clip number two. Stephen suggests a way to build those borders Trump wants, “Just build a 95 story building, and knock it over 10,000 times, then you keep the Mexicans out with a doorman.” Now, Stephen has indulged too much, or has he, Jimmy throws to clip 3! Stephen discusses that white supremacists shouldn’t love Trump so much, cause is Trump really white? According to Stephen Trump is more “Oompa Loompa American”. Time to indulge into one more clip. Stephen finds out that what is on Trump’s head is definitely his, “See what’s on top of his head is definitely his, now it’s up to science to decide whether or not it’s hair.” Stephen attempts to stop talking about the craziness of Donald Trump, and tries to keep his dignity. But, he fails, and treats himself to more Trump clips, and takes an entire container of Oreos to the face. It’s okay Stephen, we don’t blame you for treating yourself, you deserve it!
Time for the very first guest, George Clooney. Mr. Clooney does Stephen a favor and wipes some Oreo off of his mouth before the interview starts. Stephen then jumps to start the interview. He even reveals a surprising fact, that he learned about the issues of Darfur from Mr. Clooney. Did you know that George and Stephen knew each other? Well it turns out they don’t. Mr. Clooney was nice enough to come on the first show, without having anything to push. He was there just to see Stephen, like most of us were. Even though they don’t know each other Stephen got George, and his wife Amal a little wedding gift from Tiffany’s. A paper weight that was engraved with some touching words “I don’t know you”. Stephen wanted it to be a reminder of how well they don’t know each other. He assures Clooney that if he ever doesn’t know a celebrity, and needs to pass the gift on, that he is free to do so. Stephen and Clooney decide to make up a movie for Clooney to push. It’s called “Decision Strike”, it’s an action-thriler. Stephen decides that Clooney’s character is “A tough no nonsense, secretary general of the UN”. The plot of the movie Clooney describes, “The whole world is on the brink of destruction, and my character is the only one who can stop it.” Now that Stephen and Clooney have gotten us all excited about the movie, they show us some clips from it. The clips started with Clooney “disassembling a bomb”, and ended with him clinging for life on the edge of a “airplane door”. Was this CGI or filmed at Clooney’s dressing room door? We will never know. Be on the lookout for “Decision Strike”, coming to a theater near you. Or, rather don’t lookout for it, cause like Clooney says at the end of the interview, “The movie does not exist.” But, one thing is certain, the sex scenes did happen! Next up Jeb Bush!
Time to see how the real Stephen Colbert interviews politicians. Turns out he interviews them very well! We didn’t see the right wing political pundit, we got to see the real Stephen. Jeb starts off by saying “This is incredible, this is on my highlight reel for sure.” They both look around at the beautiful theater, and Jeb takes notice as to how many pictures of Stephen there are. Stephen then says “ I used to play a narcissistic conservative pundit, now I’m just a narcissist.” Stephen then starts the interview, and he makes some very good comments on the way campaigns work. Jeb comments on his statement and says “I don’t think Barack Obama has bad motives. I just think he is wrong on a lot of issues.” Stephen replies in saying that he was so close to getting the audience to clap for him, but not quite. So close Jeb, so close. Stephen questions Jeb on why he uses the slogan “JEB!” for his campaign. Jeb says that “It connotes excitement”. Stephen replies with “How many of us, when we get excited about things, can just go Jeb!”. Jeb! Jeb and Stephen talked about how you don’t have to agree with people on every political issue, and that you can still be civil. Stephen points out to his brother in the audience Jay, and that they both still love each other despite political differences. Jeb cuts in, and says to Jay “I want your vote in the primary” .
Time for some singing and dancing!! Jon Batiste kicked off that nights song of choice “Everyday People”. Mavis Staples soon joined the stage. She kept her promise from the MFF film festival, and was there to sing along with Stephen. They all sang on stage in celebration that the first show was a success!!
“See ya in the locker room”, and so they did. At the end of the show Stephen was seen at his “late night locker” taking off his tie and tapping a kiss to a picture of Jon Stewart in his locker. Jimmy Fallon was there and said “Goodnight pal”, and as he closed his locker you could see Stephen’s Time Magazine cover in Jimmy’s locker. Other late night host’s names were on the locker, such as Conan, Larry, Jimmy, and Seth. We still aren’t sure who is Jimmy 1 and Jimmy 2, but it’s okay like Stephen says, the Jimmy’s know who’s who.
That wraps up last nights show!! The first shows for the year, and it’s off to a good start. Welcome Nation to the new joy machine!
September 8, 2015 – George Clooney, Jeb Bush, Mavis Staples
GUESTS: George Clooney | Jeb Bush | Mavis Staples
SPECIAL GUEST(S): Jon Stewart | Buddy Guy | Derek Trucks | Ben Folds | Brittany Howard | Aloe Blacc | Susan Tedeschi | Paul Janeway | Zach Condon | Kyle Resnick | Ben Lanz
STAFF CAMEO(S): Bryan Dinello (as the Doorman)
BAND: Eddie Barbash | Louis Cato | Joe Saylor | Michael Thurber
THEME SONG: “Humanism” by Jon Batiste and Stay Human
SEGMENTS: Play Ball | Welcome to The Late Show OR The Mentalist | Stephen’s Tribute to David Letterman | Introducing The New Ed Sullivan Theater | All You Can Trump Buffet | George Clooney (“Decision Strike”) | Jeb Bush (President Candidate) | Mavis Staples and Friends – “Everyday People” | Late Night Locker Room
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | White Shirt | Maroon Patterned Tie
Hello!! We are welcoming you all back with a brand new Episode Guide. It has been a long 9 months, but ‘The Late Show With Stephen Colbert’ has finally started!! Last night’s show was jam packed with exciting moments, and I will talk about them all here in this very first Late Show Episode Guide! Let’s get started!
The show opened with Stephen singing a song that he loves so very much. The Star Spangled Banner was sung in various places from a bowling alley to a classic all American baseball field. On that baseball field was a very familiar face, Jon Stewart! He came out of his “retirement” to say “Play Ball”, and start off the show!
Stephen entered the stage and began dancing with Jon Batiste. Stephen did the ever so famous “spin” of his, and a few new high kick moves that he must have learned from Jon Batiste. The audience cheered and applauded, and even started doing the “Stephen” chant. The chant lives on!
Stephen began the show with a greeting that we are all too familiar with “Hello Nation”. A different tone in his voice as he said it, letting everyone know that the character is shed, and that we are getting the real Stephen Colbert. To our surprise Stephen decided to keep this greeting. Will this be the way he greets us every night? We will have to tune in , and find out! The audience gave him a well deserved standing ovation to which he responded “Well folks, If I knew you were going to do that I would’ve come out months ago”.
The traditional late night monologue was then started. He began the first joke of the evening with saying “You are all witnessing television history, and like most history it’s not on the history channel.” Yes, we are all witnessing television history, as we see Stephen begin his new late night journey. Stephen then graciously thanked the network CBS for giving him those long 9 months to create this show , “As long as I have 9 months to make 1 hour of T.V I could do this forever.” Stephen then claimed that we will all be discovering who he is along with him, “I begin the search for the real Stephen Colbert, I just hope I don’t find him on Ashley Madison”. Leslie Moonves the President and Chief Executive Officer at CBS made an appearance in the audience last night. He sat behind a chair with a buzzer, one for ‘Late Show’ and the other for ‘The Mentalist’. He just wanted to be sure that the show had a back up plan, in case things didn’t work out, “It’s just a precaution, the show’s going great, and I’m sure I will have no need to use this thing, move on”. Moonves played a ‘Mentalist’ clip as a warning, but Stephen got the message, and the rest of the show proved that . Stephen listed the guests he had for the night. He stated that George Clooney may not have been there to push anything, but that he might be in on a bank job, “Unless he’s trying to distract me while Matt Damon steals all the gold from my vault”. Jeb Bush was the next guest, in which Stephen claimed that Jeb will finally have the stage all to himself. He also got his first jab at Trump in midst of talking about Jeb, “As many of you know of course, Governor Bush was the Governor of Florida for 8 years, and you would think that, that much exposure to oranges and crazy people would’ve prepared him for Donald Trump”. The first of many Trump jokes that were started that night.
Time to take it over to the desk! Stephen is not used to standing and giving a monologue, but he is used to sitting at the desk. The desk is where all the best moments happened on ‘The Colbert Report’, and Stephen did not disappoint with his desk segments from last night. First off he pointed out that the desk is in fact made of desk, “This was carved out of a single piece of desk.” The new desk features a nice blue shining sign that says “The Late Show With”, no name needed as we know the person who’s sitting behind it. The first of many desk segments was his touching speech about legendary stage manager Biff Henderson or rather his boss Mr. David Letterman, “As hard as we have worked to make it to this day. There is no way I would be here right now if not for the man who graced this stage for 22 years. I’m talking of course about Biff Henderson, a legend. A legend of stage managing, but in a larger sense perhaps I should be thanking his boss David letterman. I bow to no man in my fandom of David Letterman. I am first generation Letterman fan. I started college the same year Dave started in late night, and not having the fullest social calendar, I was frequently available for Dave at 12:30. I just wanna say that it is possible to lose sight of how much Dave changed comedy. The comedy landscape is so thickly planted with the forrest of Dave’s ideas that we sometimes need to remind ourselves just how tall he stands. So, just for the record I’m not replacing David Letterman. His creative legacy is a high pencil mark on a doorframe that we all have to measure ourselves against. But, we will try to honor his achievement by doing the best show we can, and occasionally making the network very mad at us.” Stephen assures us that he is not here to take Mr. Letterman’s place, but to create a new era in late night comedy history. Stephen then shows us the lovely renovated theater!! Michael Angelo was unavailable to paint the ceiling, “I wanted to have Michael Angelo paint it, but it turns out ninja turtles aren’t real.”
So, the team had to improvise and digitally project a stain glass church theme with the name of the show, and pictures of Stephen’s face. Stephen then takes a look at the giant screens he has behind him, and all over the set. Stephen didn’t have any boring guests on last night, so the monitors did not have to be used to entertain him, “In case the guest gets boring I can watch T.V over their shoulder.” Although since there wasn’t a guest out yet, Stephen decided to see what was on T.V for the night, and we saw some familiar faces. The two cats from the “SouthPaw” video, Monroe’s public access hosts, and a good pal of Stephen’s, Jimmy Fallon. The two chatted about their guests for the night, and ended the conversation with “See ya in the locker room”. Guess we will have to wait and see what that’s about.
Stephen moves on and points out his memorabilia. First up is the Captain America shield. It is displayed proudly on the second floor of the set for everyone to see, and goes nicely with the colors of the new set. Stephen points out that the shield may be made of indestructible vibranium, but it can not withstand the powerful forces of modern technology , “It is not microwave safe”. Stephen shows us the second piece of memorabilia, his mother’s pennant from when she attended Martin Luther King’s I Have A Dream Speech. Stephen then points out his “Pretty Sweet” ancient cursed amulet. Did you hear that ? Is that a bear growl? Grimmy coming back for revenge? No, that was the sound of the ancient cursed amulet. Stephen explained to us his deal with the Assyrian fire god, whom I can not name, “Here’s the thing, and it’s kind of a boring story, but in exchange for getting this show I swore a blood oath on the amulet of the snake headed Assyrian fire god…I cant say his full name or he would feast on the blood of the innocent, and I’m saving that for sweeps, but uhhh turns out there was a catch , uhhh I must be forever enslaved to it’s hideous drone and make certain regrettable compromises. But not tonight, tonight’s happy.” The drone growled louder and demanded Stephen talk about the sponsor for last night … Sabra Humus!, “It’s made from simple fresh ingredients that bring people together one bite at a time”.
Segment number one at the desk was a success, time for segment number two. Stephen says something that surprised us all, “Can we talk about the election for a second?” The first night and he’s already talking politics! Time to see what Stephen has been wanting to do for nine long months, tell jokes about Donald Trump. Stephen talked about what Trump says, or rather what he eats, Jimmy throw to clip! Donald Trump will no longer eat Oreos, “That’s right Donald Trump is swearing off of Oreo’s”. So why is Trump so angry with Oreos? Stephen explains through a metaphor, “He claims that Mexico is taking our economy and ripping it in two, scraping out the creamy center, and then they’re dunking it in milk”. Stephen might have gotten a little too lost in the Oreo goodness, but he finds his place and continues. Stephen then claims that one Trump joke is enough, and that’s the only treat he will allow himself. But, Stephen’s deserved another treat after 9 long months, so he goes for one more. Jimmy throws to Trump clip number two. Stephen suggests a way to build those borders Trump wants, “Just build a 95 story building, and knock it over 10,000 times, then you keep the Mexicans out with a doorman.” Now, Stephen has indulged too much, or has he, Jimmy throws to clip 3! Stephen discusses that white supremacists shouldn’t love Trump so much, cause is Trump really white? According to Stephen Trump is more “Oompa Loompa American”. Time to indulge into one more clip. Stephen finds out that what is on Trump’s head is definitely his, “See what’s on top of his head is definitely his, now it’s up to science to decide whether or not it’s hair.” Stephen attempts to stop talking about the craziness of Donald Trump, and tries to keep his dignity. But, he fails, and treats himself to more Trump clips, and takes an entire container of Oreos to the face. It’s okay Stephen, we don’t blame you for treating yourself, you deserve it!
Time for the very first guest, George Clooney. Mr. Clooney does Stephen a favor and wipes some Oreo off of his mouth before the interview starts. Stephen then jumps to start the interview. He even reveals a surprising fact, that he learned about the issues of Darfur from Mr. Clooney. Did you know that George and Stephen knew each other? Well it turns out they don’t. Mr. Clooney was nice enough to come on the first show, without having anything to push. He was there just to see Stephen, like most of us were. Even though they don’t know each other Stephen got George, and his wife Amal a little wedding gift from Tiffany’s. A paper weight that was engraved with some touching words “I don’t know you”. Stephen wanted it to be a reminder of how well they don’t know each other. He assures Clooney that if he ever doesn’t know a celebrity, and needs to pass the gift on, that he is free to do so. Stephen and Clooney decide to make up a movie for Clooney to push. It’s called “Decision Strike”, it’s an action-thriler. Stephen decides that Clooney’s character is “A tough no nonsense, secretary general of the UN”. The plot of the movie Clooney describes, “The whole world is on the brink of destruction, and my character is the only one who can stop it.” Now that Stephen and Clooney have gotten us all excited about the movie, they show us some clips from it. The clips started with Clooney “disassembling a bomb”, and ended with him clinging for life on the edge of a “airplane door”. Was this CGI or filmed at Clooney’s dressing room door? We will never know. Be on the lookout for “Decision Strike”, coming to a theater near you. Or, rather don’t lookout for it, cause like Clooney says at the end of the interview, “The movie does not exist.” But, one thing is certain, the sex scenes did happen! Next up Jeb Bush!
Time to see how the real Stephen Colbert interviews politicians. Turns out he interviews them very well! We didn’t see the right wing political pundit, we got to see the real Stephen. Jeb starts off by saying “This is incredible, this is on my highlight reel for sure.” They both look around at the beautiful theater, and Jeb takes notice as to how many pictures of Stephen there are. Stephen then says “ I used to play a narcissistic conservative pundit, now I’m just a narcissist.” Stephen then starts the interview, and he makes some very good comments on the way campaigns work. Jeb comments on his statement and says “I don’t think Barack Obama has bad motives. I just think he is wrong on a lot of issues.” Stephen replies in saying that he was so close to getting the audience to clap for him, but not quite. So close Jeb, so close. Stephen questions Jeb on why he uses the slogan “JEB!” for his campaign. Jeb says that “It connotes excitement”. Stephen replies with “How many of us, when we get excited about things, can just go Jeb!”. Jeb! Jeb and Stephen talked about how you don’t have to agree with people on every political issue, and that you can still be civil. Stephen points out to his brother in the audience Jay, and that they both still love each other despite political differences. Jeb cuts in, and says to Jay “I want your vote in the primary” .
Time for some singing and dancing!! Jon Batiste kicked off that nights song of choice “Everyday People”. Mavis Staples soon joined the stage. She kept her promise from the MFF film festival, and was there to sing along with Stephen. They all sang on stage in celebration that the first show was a success!!
“See ya in the locker room”, and so they did. At the end of the show Stephen was seen at his “late night locker” taking off his tie and tapping a kiss to a picture of Jon Stewart in his locker. Jimmy Fallon was there and said “Goodnight pal”, and as he closed his locker you could see Stephen’s Time Magazine cover in Jimmy’s locker. Other late night host’s names were on the locker, such as Conan, Larry, Jimmy, and Seth. We still aren’t sure who is Jimmy 1 and Jimmy 2, but it’s okay like Stephen says, the Jimmy’s know who’s who.
That wraps up last nights show!! The first shows for the year, and it’s off to a good start. Welcome Nation to the new joy machine!