The Colbert Report (Episode Guide) August 1, 2011 – Tony Hsieh

graphic-episode-guide-6160055 EPISODE NUMBER: 7099 (August 1, 2011)
GUESTS: Tony Hsieh
SEGMENTS: The Kind of Deal Democrats Hate | The Word- With Great Power Comes No Responsibility | From Ashes to Bullets |
SUIT REPORT: Black Suit | White Shirt | Celebratory Debt-Ceiling Deal Navy and Red Horizontal Stripe Tie
VIDEOS: Monday, August 1, 2011

What is a white brony? Hazard a guess on that, anyone? Monday night’s solid offering featured perfunctory Debt-Ceiling talk illustrated with a less than family friendly fable. The Word segment further expounded on the current status of our much maligned government, particularly with this troubling talk of a “Super Congress.” Why should we “super” anything in government? I do not know of private citizens who are offered the ability to do their jobs with total immunity: we all have to make decisions, and need to be held accountable to them, whether we are janitors or professors or congressmen, for that matter.

Jumping off the soapbox now.

Tony Hsieh turned out to be a great interview. I think all of us have heard the buzz on Zappos’ business model. What do you think? How important is corporate culture in influencing employee behavior? I work with a lot of people in my line of work, and can assure you, it is important to consider the psychology of your staff to get a job well done.

Well, lots to talk about. Comment up!

Quotables

–I don’t know whether congress has passed the compromise plan to raise the ceiling, or whether we defaulted, and you are watching this from a cave eating squirrels that you were cooking over a pile of U.S. treasury bonds.

–Personally, I am betting on default, which is why I spent the weekend bottling my own urine to use as drinking water. Remember, you want to run it through the Brita three times. After that, you’re golden! Or rather you’re not.

–This is the best deal- the kind Democrats hate.

–For the Democrats, this is a Satan-sandwich. A Beelz-BLT.

–This is a victory. But it could have been so much more victorier! What about a balanced budget amendment? What about a tax cut? What about making Obama eat a bug? I believe that’s in the tea party platform.

–Now everybody had seen this exact matchup in 1995 and knew a troll could win by eating the goat, and then celebrating by having sex with a troll-intern. You get a college credit in bridge keeping.

–The moral of the story is: when the first goat comes along, you have to tear its head off, have sex with the neck hole, and then mail the carcus back to its brothers and say, ‘Any of you other goat m*******s want to put a hoof in my bridge?’ The end. By the way, I am available for children’s parties.

–When it comes to balancing budgets, Democracy is just not up to the job. It was good enough to defeat Hitler, and defeat the Russians, but it’s not good at math.

–That is hard, because Grandma votes [by accident at the ATM.]

–I’m ready for the Super-Congress [Legion of Doom-ocracy.]

–This is great, because the real problem with congress has been too many reasonable people. [You lie!]

–Only when congress has no accountability, can they lead this country back to personal responsibility.

–Folks, I am doing everything I can do ward off the cold hand of death. That is why I wake up early in the morning and eat three packs of Oscar Mayer cold cuts. I am slowly curing my organs in nitrates, so they have a shelf life of eternity.

–This is a genius business model. You put 250 rounds into the hands of a devastated family member, in an unstable emotional state, and someone might get shot. Boom! New customer, who his family can honor by turning into bullets to avenge his death. Cha-ching!

–He may not be with them at the meal, but chances are, there are bits of him in the meal.

–Wow.

–You said you value weirdness. Are you looking for a guy who comes in with a pet snake on his shoulders, and he starts rapping in Esperanto?

–Is this a cult? Are you Dear Leader Father? Do you have child brides?

–As a Catholic, I have been taught to value suffering. Can you deliver suffering?

–What if you don’t let anyone make eye contact with you?

Ridin’ the White Brony

The Family Friendliest Fable on the Block

Bits of Uncle Clem in the Thanksgiving Turkey

“I’m worried about her… she needs counseling!”

Post Taping Footwear?