EPISODE NUMBER: 7102 (August 8, 2011)
GUEST: Nassir Ghaemi
SEGMENTS: America’s Credit Downgrade | Colbert Super PAC- Rick Perry | Doomsday Bargain Bunkers
SUIT REPORT: Black pinstripe suit | Light blue shirt |Mustard and light blue dotted tie (Editors note: V. nice!)
VIDEOS: Monday, August 8, 2011
Tonight’s episode was all about escape, via helicopter or doomsday bunker, whether it be from our credit downgrade or more apocalyptic concerns.
It’s no wonder Stephen is hiding behind his desk. What with the S& P downgrade, Rick Perry ramping up a presidential campaign, and the ridiculous rip off that is the Vivos doomsday comfort system, it’s hard to figure out where the absurdity begins. And can someone explain to me how seven Super PACS are vying for Rick Perry’s table scraps? He sounds and looks so much like George W. Bush, you would think our short term memory would be a little more effective, but alas, it does not seem so.
And who’s excited about the Super PAC ad? At least Mr. Perry will be properly honored in his first efforts into the race. Thank God for Colbert Super PAC!
Dr. Ghaemi posits an interesting theory regarding the potential leadership benefits of mental disorders (primarily mania and depression). As you can imagine, I am a little strange, so I hope my potential pathology is making me an effective manager! Although I am sure many of us have interacted with bosses and the like enough to say that a little, uh, abnormality goes a long way in terms of any beneficial effects.
What did y’all think of the episode? Comment, comment, and comment.
Quotabilia
–On Friday Standard and Poors downgraded America’s credit rating. It has always been AAA, but it has now plummeted to the unthinkably humiliating AA+. And we have to get our parents to sign and we have to turn it back in.
–AAA ratings are reserved for financial powerhouses like the Isle of Man. That’s why the smart money is putting everything in uncarted wool and windswept cliffscapes.
–That’s us now—waffle-eating kiwis, putting mayonnaise on our French fries, with a serious Hobbit infestation.
–Don’t pull anything out of the stock market until 12:45 tomorrow, by then I should be over international waters.
–Plus they didn’t even list America’s most valuable asset: Jesus. If the Lord could turn water into wine, surely he can turn our debt into wine. Which is good because we are going to need a drink. When Standard & Poors did their math, they forgot to carry the Christ.
–Yes, we need God’s forgiveness. Or at least China’s.
–Whoever wins the straw poll will have a massive symbolic victory that will propel them to the White House. Just ask past winners, President Pat Robertson, President Bob Dole, and President Phil Gramm.
–This is great news for Perry folks. And great news for his opponents Sarah Palin, Buddy Roemer, and long shot Arab female candidate, Muchma Quchi.
–And Tim Pawlenty just received a Valu-Pak. Although I am not sure 10% off dry cleaning is enough to secure the nomination.
–Wow, Rick Perry clearly has everything it takes to be President, including at least half a face.
–So I would just like to say, back off, bitches! I saw him first. I called shotgun, though he might not have heard, because people in Texas are always calling “Shotgun!”
–So hands off my Rick. He is the last donut on the office breakroom snack tray, and I licked him.
–And as a bonus, [Super PAC members will get] a forward from my Aunt Sarah with “50 Reasons Why Cats Are Better Than Men.” It’s funny, it’s funny.
–Intrigued?
–Our democracy is in your hands, but from what I’ve heard, ribs will also be in your hands, so try not to get any barbecue sauce on our Democracy.
–This S & P cloud has a silver lining, which as a commodity is now worth more than the U.S. dollar.
–Because when Jesus returns, you want perfect veneers and an Up-do.
–In other words, it’s like freshman year at Bob Jones University.
–This bargain bunker is a great idea, because even what Vivos calls the “masses” deserve to briefly extend their lives in a windowless tomb.
–“Comfort sweats”: Basically, what most Americans wear anyway without the word “JUICY” written on their ass.
–Which means by month 7 you either have to get out, or become the luxury bunker’s sloppy joes.
–For just 30 installments of $9.99, you can have one of these personal life extension containers shipped right to your door. In case of apocalypse, simply dig a 6 foot hole in your background, place yourself in the LiveBox, and have your loved ones lower you gently to the bottom of the Survival Comfort Zone. Once inside, put on your free terry cloth Genital Comfort Flap, and feast on a 2 week supply of dried survival nuggets with chunks of savory beef flavor.
–So a manic-depressive person has the whole package.
– Nassir Ghaemi: The manic patients are more creative, and in times of crisis, you need that kind of creativity.
–You’re agreeing with me, that New Deal was the work of a madman….You make [Roosevelt] sound like a Mad Scientist.
–Ghaemi: I have to say, you asked just the right question. That’s what we should be asking about our leaders. Which ones are most creative, resilient, empathic, and realistic? These are the 4 traits of leadership that grow out of mania and depression, and…[if] we’ll get people like that, and we should accept them.
–One way to get a better leader once they’re in office, is to gaslight them, and make them crazy, which might be what the Republicans have been doing all along. I mean, the Tea Party might be therapy for him.
–Perhaps we should have a Reserve President who is perhaps not quite as balanced as the Main President, and then we unleash him when things go bad.
–Ghaemi: Maybe we should accept that some abnormality is good.
–And [Reagan’s] idea of being wild was putting 2 different flavored jelly beans in his mouth at the same time.
–He personally kicked down the Berlin Wall, Sir.
–SC: What about Cheney? NG: He didn’t have his finger on the button? SC: He had his finger on the Finger on the Button. NG: Good point.
“Don’t panic. Everything’s fine! I’m just down here looking for my emergency hobo satchel.”
Preparing for the Great Escape
“Go hover…or circle! (You’re scaring the chicken).”
Super PAC tease
Slight break: “Sloppy joes. Because even in the end times, Americans will never give up their easily gummable meat slush.”
“And to protect yourself from looters and soil varmints, with our Patented Broken Shovel Handle….”
“Let’s talk about the current crop of Republican candidates running. Which one of them do you think seems the most….creative?’
The Colbert Report (Episode Guide) August 8, 2011 – Nassir Ghaemi
GUEST: Nassir Ghaemi
SEGMENTS: America’s Credit Downgrade | Colbert Super PAC- Rick Perry | Doomsday Bargain Bunkers
SUIT REPORT: Black pinstripe suit | Light blue shirt |Mustard and light blue dotted tie (Editors note: V. nice!)
VIDEOS: Monday, August 8, 2011
Tonight’s episode was all about escape, via helicopter or doomsday bunker, whether it be from our credit downgrade or more apocalyptic concerns.
It’s no wonder Stephen is hiding behind his desk. What with the S& P downgrade, Rick Perry ramping up a presidential campaign, and the ridiculous rip off that is the Vivos doomsday comfort system, it’s hard to figure out where the absurdity begins. And can someone explain to me how seven Super PACS are vying for Rick Perry’s table scraps? He sounds and looks so much like George W. Bush, you would think our short term memory would be a little more effective, but alas, it does not seem so.
And who’s excited about the Super PAC ad? At least Mr. Perry will be properly honored in his first efforts into the race. Thank God for Colbert Super PAC!
Dr. Ghaemi posits an interesting theory regarding the potential leadership benefits of mental disorders (primarily mania and depression). As you can imagine, I am a little strange, so I hope my potential pathology is making me an effective manager! Although I am sure many of us have interacted with bosses and the like enough to say that a little, uh, abnormality goes a long way in terms of any beneficial effects.
What did y’all think of the episode? Comment, comment, and comment.
Quotabilia
–On Friday Standard and Poors downgraded America’s credit rating. It has always been AAA, but it has now plummeted to the unthinkably humiliating AA+. And we have to get our parents to sign and we have to turn it back in.
–AAA ratings are reserved for financial powerhouses like the Isle of Man. That’s why the smart money is putting everything in uncarted wool and windswept cliffscapes.
–That’s us now—waffle-eating kiwis, putting mayonnaise on our French fries, with a serious Hobbit infestation.
–Don’t pull anything out of the stock market until 12:45 tomorrow, by then I should be over international waters.
–Plus they didn’t even list America’s most valuable asset: Jesus. If the Lord could turn water into wine, surely he can turn our debt into wine. Which is good because we are going to need a drink. When Standard & Poors did their math, they forgot to carry the Christ.
–Yes, we need God’s forgiveness. Or at least China’s.
–Whoever wins the straw poll will have a massive symbolic victory that will propel them to the White House. Just ask past winners, President Pat Robertson, President Bob Dole, and President Phil Gramm.
–This is great news for Perry folks. And great news for his opponents Sarah Palin, Buddy Roemer, and long shot Arab female candidate, Muchma Quchi.
–And Tim Pawlenty just received a Valu-Pak. Although I am not sure 10% off dry cleaning is enough to secure the nomination.
–Wow, Rick Perry clearly has everything it takes to be President, including at least half a face.
–So I would just like to say, back off, bitches! I saw him first. I called shotgun, though he might not have heard, because people in Texas are always calling “Shotgun!”
–So hands off my Rick. He is the last donut on the office breakroom snack tray, and I licked him.
–And as a bonus, [Super PAC members will get] a forward from my Aunt Sarah with “50 Reasons Why Cats Are Better Than Men.” It’s funny, it’s funny.
–Intrigued?
–Our democracy is in your hands, but from what I’ve heard, ribs will also be in your hands, so try not to get any barbecue sauce on our Democracy.
–This S & P cloud has a silver lining, which as a commodity is now worth more than the U.S. dollar.
–Because when Jesus returns, you want perfect veneers and an Up-do.
–In other words, it’s like freshman year at Bob Jones University.
–This bargain bunker is a great idea, because even what Vivos calls the “masses” deserve to briefly extend their lives in a windowless tomb.
–“Comfort sweats”: Basically, what most Americans wear anyway without the word “JUICY” written on their ass.
–Which means by month 7 you either have to get out, or become the luxury bunker’s sloppy joes.
–For just 30 installments of $9.99, you can have one of these personal life extension containers shipped right to your door. In case of apocalypse, simply dig a 6 foot hole in your background, place yourself in the LiveBox, and have your loved ones lower you gently to the bottom of the Survival Comfort Zone. Once inside, put on your free terry cloth Genital Comfort Flap, and feast on a 2 week supply of dried survival nuggets with chunks of savory beef flavor.
–So a manic-depressive person has the whole package.
– Nassir Ghaemi: The manic patients are more creative, and in times of crisis, you need that kind of creativity.
–You’re agreeing with me, that New Deal was the work of a madman….You make [Roosevelt] sound like a Mad Scientist.
–Ghaemi: I have to say, you asked just the right question. That’s what we should be asking about our leaders. Which ones are most creative, resilient, empathic, and realistic? These are the 4 traits of leadership that grow out of mania and depression, and…[if] we’ll get people like that, and we should accept them.
–One way to get a better leader once they’re in office, is to gaslight them, and make them crazy, which might be what the Republicans have been doing all along. I mean, the Tea Party might be therapy for him.
–Perhaps we should have a Reserve President who is perhaps not quite as balanced as the Main President, and then we unleash him when things go bad.
–Ghaemi: Maybe we should accept that some abnormality is good.
–And [Reagan’s] idea of being wild was putting 2 different flavored jelly beans in his mouth at the same time.
–He personally kicked down the Berlin Wall, Sir.
–SC: What about Cheney? NG: He didn’t have his finger on the button? SC: He had his finger on the Finger on the Button. NG: Good point.
“Don’t panic. Everything’s fine! I’m just down here looking for my emergency hobo satchel.”
Preparing for the Great Escape
“Go hover…or circle! (You’re scaring the chicken).”
Super PAC tease
Slight break: “Sloppy joes. Because even in the end times, Americans will never give up their easily gummable meat slush.”
“And to protect yourself from looters and soil varmints, with our Patented Broken Shovel Handle….”
“Let’s talk about the current crop of Republican candidates running. Which one of them do you think seems the most….creative?’