EPISODE NUMBER: 7156 (December 12, 2011)
GUESTS: Samuel L. Jackson
SEGMENTS: Tip/Wag – Liberal American Heritage Dictionary & Newt Gingrich | Norway’s Butter Shortage
SUIT REPORT: Black suit | Light blue shirt | Christmasy red tie
VIDEOS: Monday, December 12, 2011
Doesn’t the set look charming? Love all the Christmas regalia, I am glad team TCR took the time to decorate for this last week of shows. Tip of my hat to the set designers! My favorite set was 2006, when they had the life size nativity scene, I always have an image of Deepak Chopra sitting amongst a 5 foot plastic Balthasar lodged in my memory.
Boy, was Samuel L. Jackson a great guest. As I mentioned in my pre-ep guide warm up, I would have grilled Samuel on ‘fessing up to what was in that suitcase in Pulp Fiction, but Stephen had to be all substantive-y and stuff with the race-related questions, as per usual. Usually celebrity interviews are heavily edited and 4:27 minutes long, but this interview was free wheeling and fun, and Mr. Jackson didn’t seem the least bit fazed by Stephen at all.
When Samuel told Stephen he thought Stephen didn’t see race because he “osmotically” (which, accordingly to my auto correct, is a word) received non-race seeing powers directly from Martin Luther King’s movement, that was something I have secretly believed about Stephen. I think there was a reason that Stephen was “there” when Martin Luther King spoke, and I think that King’s message keenly resonates through a lot of Stephen’s takes on race and class, and the show and his work as a whole.
But please for the love St. Joseph Stephen don’t eat any more sticks of butter! Deep fried or otherwise!
What did you guys think of the episode? Be sure to comment!
A TCR Christmas Wonderland – Merry Christmas!
Quotables
From Christmas Cram
The trick is, you take one thing from each lawn on your way to work.
Oh hey! (Whispers to reflection)Later.
So Merry Christmas, and to all my Jewish viewers, Happy Jesus’ birthday.
From Tip/Wag
Which is why I am giving a wag of my finger to the lexicowards at The American Heritage Dictionary.
The same thing with the Chinese fire drill. Why are those orientals always trying to delay traffic at our intersections?
“So now that anchor baby has been declared offensive, I hold little hope for my submission, ‘grappling baby,’ the all too common occurrence of a pregnant woman in Mexico aiming her birth canal at America, to launch her baby over the border, so then she can climb in using the umbilical cord. “
If you don’t think this is happening, you are living in a dream world. That’s why I call on the Department of Homeland Security to hire of thousands of volley ball players to the border to spike these little criminals back to Mexico.
He has got a good head on his shoulders, and a lot of it.
An electro-magnetic pulse would disable all electronic devices, all computers, the entire power grid would shut down, leading to the unthinkable: we would have to listen to those Amish bastards say, “we told ye so!”
Yes. Bond, James Bond, agrees with Gingrich, Newt Gingrich.
And just like Bond Gingrich is calm under pressure, a little cocky, and is frequently seen with different leading ladies. Plus, his half million dollar line of credit at Tiffany’s proves that he knows Diamonds are Forever. Sounds to me like Newt is a Moonraker.
“All those schemes came from the villain, which means that Gingrich isn’t Bond, he’s Blofeld.”
Well still a Tip of my Hat, you know he is in the 1%, creating jobs for all those evil henchmen.
From Norway’s Butter Shortage
“I believe you can’t beat fresh on the cob.”
While the Presidential race is the big news here in America, Europe is facing a crisis that cannot be ignored, and of course I am referring to Norway’s crippling butter shortage.
Norway has no butter reserves, and no hope of rebuilding their butter reserves, considering how long it takes to milk a reindeer. They keep flying away.
They are going crazy over a high fat, low carb diet? clearly, Norway has just discovered Atkins. How big is that time difference! I just hope they are prepared for Y 2K.
It’s definitely better than their last fad diet, the Norweigan herring cleanse, where you eat herring once, and swear off food forever. 90 kilos of butter, or roughly the equivalent of one Cinnabon.
Brace yourselves, Norway, for you about to be overrun by the butter cartels. Desperate butter mules will be swallowing condoms stuffed with sticks of Land ‘o Lakes, and pushing them on the streets of Oslo to spread heads tweaking on shortbread. Butter king pins will be meeting by the docks to moves bales of fresh churned “golden cow,” then testing its purity in the back of a truck by baking apple turnovers. Things are going to get ugly and delicious.
“We (in America) have so many g*ddamned kinds of butter, we have a product called ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.'”
(Spreads more butter on the butter.) Tell you what, that could use some more butter.
And you know what, I can feel the pounds just melting off. YOu know what this would be a good time for? A commercial break.
Interview Qutoables
I’ll ask him if in France they call civil rights, a “royale with rights.”
You were the only computer programmer in Jurassic Park who wasn’t a jerk. Did you get eaten in that?
Samuel L. Jackson: Yes, only my arm is left at the end of that film.
That is some solid acting.
Why would we want to humanize a hero like that? It’s Martin Luther King, not Martin Luther Human. Don’t we need larger than life figures?
Samuel L. Jackson: I feel you, I feel you on that.
I don’t see race.
Samuel L. Jackson: Yes you do! I heard about the grapple baby, that looked pretty racist to me.
I see nationality, that’s different.
Are you by the way- I-I-I, It was a serious question I asked you before. Are you an African American? Because, as I said, I took King’s lesson to heart and I don’t see the color of everyone’s skin. I only see the content of their character.
SLJ: Really?
Yeah.
SLJ: Awesome, uh, (laughs) unfortunately I don’t have that luxury, um.
Really?
SLJ: Oh no, no. I’m not a racist but I see race cause I wanna identify what’s going on and where, uh, I mean cultural backgrounds are very important.
But I think if we talk- if we talk about race we make it- we make racism worse.
SLJ: Well, I mean, that’s like sayin’… What? (laughs) I like the way you blind yourself to that.
Thank you very much! Well, I have to… because racism is so tempting.
SLJ: Really?
Oh, absolutely!
SLJ: How so?
Racism is so tempting because if I get to say, “Hey, here’s me and my group and we’re great and your group isn’t as good as my group.” That’s a very se-duc-tive feeling, you know what I mean?
SLJ:Is it?
Oh yeah! Then I don’t have to do anything to be better I can just say by-
SLJ: I am better.
I am better by the-by the virtue of my race. It’s a very lazy way of thinking.
SLJ: Really?
And so I have to blind myself (okay) to the reality of people’s skin color, so I have to earn the fact that I’m better than everyone.
SLJ:I feel that. I-
You see? And again you haven’t told me whether you’re a black person or not and- and you know what? That’s your right. That’s your right to not tell me. (Alright) If that’s something you don’t want me to know, that says something very interesting about you but-
SLJ: I’m not black, white, or anything. I’m- I’m, uh-uh-uh-uh, I’m a movie star. (laughs)
Wow! Wow. Well-well, my God.
SLJ: What can I say? You know.
Well that- That, that is one group I wouldn’t mind belonging to. That’s incredible. Does that- does that feel good?
SLJ: Totally dope! You have no idea. It’s- it’s a feeling I can’t explain to anybody. I try and act like it’s not a big deal… but it’s a pretty big f$#@*n’ deal.
SLJ: Osmotically, because your Mom was freedom marcher, and you were in the womb, you got all these non-racial viewing…
Are you saying that I am a black man?
SLJ: I can tell you got rhythm.
As a possible half-black man, I am offended.
Note: Hat tip to Kris for providing a transcription of the interview!
The Colbert Report (Episode Guide) December 12, 2011 – Samuel L. Jackson
EPISODE NUMBER: 7156 (December 12, 2011)
GUESTS: Samuel L. Jackson
SEGMENTS: Tip/Wag – Liberal American Heritage Dictionary & Newt Gingrich | Norway’s Butter Shortage
SUIT REPORT: Black suit | Light blue shirt | Christmasy red tie
VIDEOS: Monday, December 12, 2011
Doesn’t the set look charming? Love all the Christmas regalia, I am glad team TCR took the time to decorate for this last week of shows. Tip of my hat to the set designers! My favorite set was 2006, when they had the life size nativity scene, I always have an image of Deepak Chopra sitting amongst a 5 foot plastic Balthasar lodged in my memory.
Boy, was Samuel L. Jackson a great guest. As I mentioned in my pre-ep guide warm up, I would have grilled Samuel on ‘fessing up to what was in that suitcase in Pulp Fiction, but Stephen had to be all substantive-y and stuff with the race-related questions, as per usual. Usually celebrity interviews are heavily edited and 4:27 minutes long, but this interview was free wheeling and fun, and Mr. Jackson didn’t seem the least bit fazed by Stephen at all.
When Samuel told Stephen he thought Stephen didn’t see race because he “osmotically” (which, accordingly to my auto correct, is a word) received non-race seeing powers directly from Martin Luther King’s movement, that was something I have secretly believed about Stephen. I think there was a reason that Stephen was “there” when Martin Luther King spoke, and I think that King’s message keenly resonates through a lot of Stephen’s takes on race and class, and the show and his work as a whole.
But please for the love St. Joseph Stephen don’t eat any more sticks of butter! Deep fried or otherwise!
What did you guys think of the episode? Be sure to comment!
A TCR Christmas Wonderland – Merry Christmas!
Quotables
From Christmas Cram
The trick is, you take one thing from each lawn on your way to work.
Oh hey! (Whispers to reflection)Later.
So Merry Christmas, and to all my Jewish viewers, Happy Jesus’ birthday.
From Tip/Wag
Which is why I am giving a wag of my finger to the lexicowards at The American Heritage Dictionary.
The same thing with the Chinese fire drill. Why are those orientals always trying to delay traffic at our intersections?
“So now that anchor baby has been declared offensive, I hold little hope for my submission, ‘grappling baby,’ the all too common occurrence of a pregnant woman in Mexico aiming her birth canal at America, to launch her baby over the border, so then she can climb in using the umbilical cord. “
If you don’t think this is happening, you are living in a dream world. That’s why I call on the Department of Homeland Security to hire of thousands of volley ball players to the border to spike these little criminals back to Mexico.
He has got a good head on his shoulders, and a lot of it.
An electro-magnetic pulse would disable all electronic devices, all computers, the entire power grid would shut down, leading to the unthinkable: we would have to listen to those Amish bastards say, “we told ye so!”
Yes. Bond, James Bond, agrees with Gingrich, Newt Gingrich.
And just like Bond Gingrich is calm under pressure, a little cocky, and is frequently seen with different leading ladies. Plus, his half million dollar line of credit at Tiffany’s proves that he knows Diamonds are Forever. Sounds to me like Newt is a Moonraker.
“All those schemes came from the villain, which means that Gingrich isn’t Bond, he’s Blofeld.”
Well still a Tip of my Hat, you know he is in the 1%, creating jobs for all those evil henchmen.
From Norway’s Butter Shortage
“I believe you can’t beat fresh on the cob.”
While the Presidential race is the big news here in America, Europe is facing a crisis that cannot be ignored, and of course I am referring to Norway’s crippling butter shortage.
Norway has no butter reserves, and no hope of rebuilding their butter reserves, considering how long it takes to milk a reindeer. They keep flying away.
They are going crazy over a high fat, low carb diet? clearly, Norway has just discovered Atkins. How big is that time difference! I just hope they are prepared for Y 2K.
It’s definitely better than their last fad diet, the Norweigan herring cleanse, where you eat herring once, and swear off food forever. 90 kilos of butter, or roughly the equivalent of one Cinnabon.
Brace yourselves, Norway, for you about to be overrun by the butter cartels. Desperate butter mules will be swallowing condoms stuffed with sticks of Land ‘o Lakes, and pushing them on the streets of Oslo to spread heads tweaking on shortbread. Butter king pins will be meeting by the docks to moves bales of fresh churned “golden cow,” then testing its purity in the back of a truck by baking apple turnovers. Things are going to get ugly and delicious.
“We (in America) have so many g*ddamned kinds of butter, we have a product called ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.'”
(Spreads more butter on the butter.) Tell you what, that could use some more butter.
And you know what, I can feel the pounds just melting off. YOu know what this would be a good time for? A commercial break.
Interview Qutoables
I’ll ask him if in France they call civil rights, a “royale with rights.”
You were the only computer programmer in Jurassic Park who wasn’t a jerk. Did you get eaten in that?
Samuel L. Jackson: Yes, only my arm is left at the end of that film.
That is some solid acting.
Why would we want to humanize a hero like that? It’s Martin Luther King, not Martin Luther Human. Don’t we need larger than life figures?
Samuel L. Jackson: I feel you, I feel you on that.
I don’t see race.
Samuel L. Jackson: Yes you do! I heard about the grapple baby, that looked pretty racist to me.
I see nationality, that’s different.
Are you by the way- I-I-I, It was a serious question I asked you before. Are you an African American? Because, as I said, I took King’s lesson to heart and I don’t see the color of everyone’s skin. I only see the content of their character.
SLJ: Really?
Yeah.
SLJ: Awesome, uh, (laughs) unfortunately I don’t have that luxury, um.
Really?
SLJ: Oh no, no. I’m not a racist but I see race cause I wanna identify what’s going on and where, uh, I mean cultural backgrounds are very important.
But I think if we talk- if we talk about race we make it- we make racism worse.
SLJ: Well, I mean, that’s like sayin’… What? (laughs) I like the way you blind yourself to that.
Thank you very much! Well, I have to… because racism is so tempting.
SLJ: Really?
Oh, absolutely!
SLJ: How so?
Racism is so tempting because if I get to say, “Hey, here’s me and my group and we’re great and your group isn’t as good as my group.” That’s a very se-duc-tive feeling, you know what I mean?
SLJ:Is it?
Oh yeah! Then I don’t have to do anything to be better I can just say by-
SLJ: I am better.
I am better by the-by the virtue of my race. It’s a very lazy way of thinking.
SLJ: Really?
And so I have to blind myself (okay) to the reality of people’s skin color, so I have to earn the fact that I’m better than everyone.
SLJ:I feel that. I-
You see? And again you haven’t told me whether you’re a black person or not and- and you know what? That’s your right. That’s your right to not tell me. (Alright) If that’s something you don’t want me to know, that says something very interesting about you but-
SLJ: I’m not black, white, or anything. I’m- I’m, uh-uh-uh-uh, I’m a movie star. (laughs)
Wow! Wow. Well-well, my God.
SLJ: What can I say? You know.
Well that- That, that is one group I wouldn’t mind belonging to. That’s incredible. Does that- does that feel good?
SLJ: Totally dope! You have no idea. It’s- it’s a feeling I can’t explain to anybody. I try and act like it’s not a big deal… but it’s a pretty big f$#@*n’ deal.
SLJ: Osmotically, because your Mom was freedom marcher, and you were in the womb, you got all these non-racial viewing…
Are you saying that I am a black man?
SLJ: I can tell you got rhythm.
As a possible half-black man, I am offended.
Note: Hat tip to Kris for providing a transcription of the interview!