EPISODE NUMBER: 10077 (March 13, 2014)
GUESTS: Simon Schama
SEGMENTS: Colorado’s Booming Marijuana Industry | Bears & Balls – Ganjapreneurs | Obama’s Overtime Pay Expansion | Simon Schama | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Black Pin Striped Suit | White Shirt | Gold/Navy/Light Blue Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, March 13, 2014
“This is our last show before we take a week off for spring break. Folks, I’ve got to say I am going to miss you, but I have no choice. My doctor says I need to load up on vitamin Bacardi. “
As Jon and Stephen take a deserved rest next week, we were left with a fabulous episode to savor. We were kickin’ it old school with the segment Bears and Balls – or Bowls and Balls, rather – which served as an update on the economic impact of pot legalization in Colorado. In my view, this segment also highlights Stephen’s talents as one of the best voice over artists around today. “Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you’re a cop.” Also, we learned that a member of the Colbert Nation and the good folks at Pilot Pen collectively donated $10,000 to the Yellow Ribbon Fund for O’Reilly’s microwave. Not bad for something that would normally go for $40 bucks on ebay, and is helping the troops all the same.
We will have lots more the ep, but tell us, what did you think of the show? Are there any old segments you would like to see when TCR comes back? Shout it out in the comments.
Colorado’s Booming Marijuana Industry
- Folks, the market has spoken, and the market is tokin’.
- From what I read on Reddit, it’s easy to turn this bad boy [an apple] into a pipe. I just hollow out one little thing here, and then I take some of that, and sprinkle that in there, and then – mm, mm, that is some tart stank.
- As a staunch capitalist, I must now honor my longstanding pledge to instantly ditch my morals for anything profitable.
- Clearly, there’s some cash to made here. And if you want a piece of the pie – and if you’re high, you do – I’m going to help you make some money now with the help of a big red button.
Bears & Balls – Ganjapreneurs
balmut | Tumblr
- Yes, Ganjaprenuers, or a Toke-coon, or a Captain of Indo-weed, or a Warren Puff-it, or a Wille Nelson Rockefeller.
- These days, getting baked involves actual bakeries.
- Thank you, stoner icon Harry Smith. Get a haircut, you hippie!
- Now with pot candy, you don’t just taste the rainbow, you are the rainbow.
- With weed legal in Colorado, Denver is becoming the new Amsterdam. Only with fewer Americans.
- Here’s how you spot people who have been on the marijuana ski bus: they’re the ones snowboarding.
- The point is, Denver, Colorado is quickly becoming America’s biggest tourist destination. Though your vacation photos may need significant red eye reduction.
- Once you’ve made your stash from your stash, where do you stash it?
- [Pot sellers] Febreze the money. They might be able to get the smell off of the money, but everybody can see that Ben is baked out of his gourd.
“So far they don’t sell crazy bread, but you can buy garlic paranoia knots. “
“Yes, if bankers accept drug money they might go to jail. (laughs sarcastically) What am I saying? What am I saying? That’s gotta be a typo, whoever wrote that line was high.”
- Well, that’s it for tonight’s Bear and Balls, join us next time when we profile other people who have gotten filthy rich pushing drugs, like [“Pfizer!”] No, I mean when I highlight another besieged by rampant drug abuse [“major league baseball!”] No, no I mean places outside of Colorado where pot use is booming [“everywhere!”] Close enough. [“We’ll be right back! We’ll be right back!”]
Obama’s Overtime Pay Expansion
- Our Marxist-in-chief has launched another attack on American business.
“Emperor Obama is issuing an executive order bypassing congress because they wouldn’t pass new overtime rules. Why should they? They never work overtime. Or time, for that matter.”
- If you’re responsible for supervising people 5 percent of the time, you can then be considered executive and be exempt from overtime pay. That makes sense to me. Even when you’re stocking shelves, you’re managing a lot of people – Little Debbie, Chef Boyardee, the Doughboy.
- And folks, this is nothing more than forced income redistribution. For that matter, income is forced income redistribution.
“Yes, you start paying people who don’t deserve it, and before you know it, you’ve hired Neil Cavuto.”
“Speaking of Fox News, I would like to take a moment right now to give a shout out to the winner of the auction for Bill O’Reilly’s microwave. [Winner Kevin McNamara] this is the actual microwave I stole from Bill O’Reilly almost 8 years ago. So congratulations, you are not only an auction winner, you are also an accessory to a crime.”
Interview – Simon Schama
Stephen asks Simon Schama to take him to synagogue on Yom Kippur for a sin-confess-a-thon. I thought that was pretty cool.
Stephen: Was Columbus Jewish?
Simon Schama: It’s rumored that he was, actually. Among the Jews, a lot of those were called New Christians.
Stephen: New Christians? Is that the polite thing to call Jews?
Stephen: I understand that early archaeological evidence shows that there was a certain amount of paganism involved in Jewish life. How? Isn’t the whole thing that they’re monotheists, that they invented that?
Simon Schama: Yes, yes, God is supposed to formless, faceless, invisible. He is number one. But the Ten Commandments state “Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.” Meaning that there’s a line queuing up.
Stephen: I see, so it wasn’t that there weren’t other gods, just “I’m your steady.”
Simon Schama: Exactly. “I am seriously number one, and I can make the other ones go away when I want to.”
Stephen: What have the Jews – I know they started monotheism, and they wrote the Bible, and all that good stuff – what have they done for me lately? And I don’t mean just my writers.
Simon Schama: Jerry Seinfeld.
Stephen: Ok. But that’s after 1492. Is Judaism a religion or a culture? If it’s just a culture, I want to deny my writers the ability to take off their crazy holidays.
Simon Schama: [..] It’s a religion, it has to start with a religion. But religion is kind of elastic, who draws the precise rules. […] The rules of religion are kind of squishy and move around a bit.
Stephen: (incredulous) Are you implying there are parts of the Bible that might be contradictory?
Simon Schama: Astonishingly, exactly so.
Sign Off – Goodnight
March 13, 2014 – Simon Schama
GUESTS: Simon Schama
SEGMENTS: Colorado’s Booming Marijuana Industry | Bears & Balls – Ganjapreneurs | Obama’s Overtime Pay Expansion | Simon Schama | Sign Off – Goodnight
SUIT REPORT: Black Pin Striped Suit | White Shirt | Gold/Navy/Light Blue Striped Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, March 13, 2014
“This is our last show before we take a week off for spring break. Folks, I’ve got to say I am going to miss you, but I have no choice. My doctor says I need to load up on vitamin Bacardi. “
As Jon and Stephen take a deserved rest next week, we were left with a fabulous episode to savor. We were kickin’ it old school with the segment Bears and Balls – or Bowls and Balls, rather – which served as an update on the economic impact of pot legalization in Colorado. In my view, this segment also highlights Stephen’s talents as one of the best voice over artists around today. “Are you a cop? You have to tell me if you’re a cop.” Also, we learned that a member of the Colbert Nation and the good folks at Pilot Pen collectively donated $10,000 to the Yellow Ribbon Fund for O’Reilly’s microwave. Not bad for something that would normally go for $40 bucks on ebay, and is helping the troops all the same.
We will have lots more the ep, but tell us, what did you think of the show? Are there any old segments you would like to see when TCR comes back? Shout it out in the comments.
Colorado’s Booming Marijuana Industry
Bears & Balls – Ganjapreneurs
balmut | Tumblr
“So far they don’t sell crazy bread, but you can buy garlic paranoia knots. “
“Yes, if bankers accept drug money they might go to jail. (laughs sarcastically) What am I saying? What am I saying? That’s gotta be a typo, whoever wrote that line was high.”
Obama’s Overtime Pay Expansion
“Emperor Obama is issuing an executive order bypassing congress because they wouldn’t pass new overtime rules. Why should they? They never work overtime. Or time, for that matter.”
“Yes, you start paying people who don’t deserve it, and before you know it, you’ve hired Neil Cavuto.”
“Speaking of Fox News, I would like to take a moment right now to give a shout out to the winner of the auction for Bill O’Reilly’s microwave. [Winner Kevin McNamara] this is the actual microwave I stole from Bill O’Reilly almost 8 years ago. So congratulations, you are not only an auction winner, you are also an accessory to a crime.”
Interview – Simon Schama
Stephen asks Simon Schama to take him to synagogue on Yom Kippur for a sin-confess-a-thon. I thought that was pretty cool.
Stephen: Was Columbus Jewish?
Simon Schama: It’s rumored that he was, actually. Among the Jews, a lot of those were called New Christians.
Stephen: New Christians? Is that the polite thing to call Jews?
Stephen: I understand that early archaeological evidence shows that there was a certain amount of paganism involved in Jewish life. How? Isn’t the whole thing that they’re monotheists, that they invented that?
Simon Schama: Yes, yes, God is supposed to formless, faceless, invisible. He is number one. But the Ten Commandments state “Thou shalt have no other gods before Me.” Meaning that there’s a line queuing up.
Stephen: I see, so it wasn’t that there weren’t other gods, just “I’m your steady.”
Simon Schama: Exactly. “I am seriously number one, and I can make the other ones go away when I want to.”
Stephen: What have the Jews – I know they started monotheism, and they wrote the Bible, and all that good stuff – what have they done for me lately? And I don’t mean just my writers.
Simon Schama: Jerry Seinfeld.
Stephen: Ok. But that’s after 1492. Is Judaism a religion or a culture? If it’s just a culture, I want to deny my writers the ability to take off their crazy holidays.
Simon Schama: [..] It’s a religion, it has to start with a religion. But religion is kind of elastic, who draws the precise rules. […] The rules of religion are kind of squishy and move around a bit.
Stephen: (incredulous) Are you implying there are parts of the Bible that might be contradictory?
Simon Schama: Astonishingly, exactly so.
Sign Off – Goodnight