EPISODE NUMBER: 10100 (May 6, 2014)
GUESTS: Bette Midler
STAFF CAMEO: Matt Lapin
SEGMENTS: Intro – 5/6/14 | Rand Paul’s Derby Date With Rupert Murdoch | NRA Annual Meeting & Guns Everywhere in Georgia | Satanic Monument for the Oklahoma State House | Bette Midler | Sign Off – Nightcap
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | Light Grey Shirt | Grey Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Intro – 5/6/14
Tonight, a big step forward in gun rights. Though you might want to take a step back. Then, a new monument goes up in Oklahoma City. It should be pretty creative based on how they name their cities. And my guest is show business legend, Bette Midler. I’ll ask her, “Did you ever know that I’m my hero?” Skidmore College is offering a course on Miley Cyrus. It’s not that easy. There’s a lot of home twerk. [Slaps hand under-the-desk}
Rand Paul’s Derby Date With Rupert Murdoch
- Spring is the season of love, when, shall we say, the birds and the bees go at it in a sweaty pile of of hardcore thorax beaking. We’ve all seen the websites. It’s a dirty business.
- And in this time of courtship, tongues are waging about one of America’s most sought-after bachelors: Rupert Murdoch. Ladies, he’s breathing.
- And you will not believe who Rupert is crushing on now.
“Kentucky republican Senator Rand Paul and media magnet, Rupert Murdoch, spent the day together at The Kentucky Derby. Murdock was Paul’s special guest. There’s speculation the joint appearance could sign a Murdoch endorsement with Paul if he runs for president.”
- I love this hot new celebrity power couple. I’ve even given Rupert and Paul their own fun nickname: Ru Paul.
- But as hot that this date was, Rand should not get too attached to Ruppie here, because Murdoch is still playing the field. There are nearly a dozen republican presidential hopefuls courting him already. It’s like a GOP version of ‘The Bachelor.’ Especially, since they also want nothing to do with anyone named Juan Pablo.
NRA Annual Meeting & Guns Everywhere in Georgia
- Nation, we all know the Obama regime is doing everything it can to undermine the Second Amendment.
- So, I was thrilled to spend yester-weekend with like-minded patriots at The NRA Annual Meeting in Indianapolis.
- It was “over 9 acres of guns, gear and outfitters!” that featured innovative products like the Stalking Shield, for the ethical hunter who want to ensure they call only the stupidist members of the herd.
The Stalking Shield: They’ll never trust a tree again.
- The convention also featured speakers like Louisiana governor and boy who wished to be big, Bobby Jindal, who made it clear the stakes facing the NRA could not be higher.
Bobby Jindal: “The same liberal extremists who want to come take our guns are the same forces who want to take away our religious liberty.”
- Exactly! If we cave on gun control, next comes religion control. Which means a three day waiting period before I can buy a Bible.
- Now, also on the lectern of people who just happen to be in neighborhood caring about guns and “What do you mean am I running for president?” was former, former Senator Rick Santorum, who talked about the crucial roll guns play in any happy marriage.
Rick Santorum: “Karen owns more guns than I do. I don’t know about most men, but you know, the default gift for most men is to buy flowers for a special occasion. For me, the safe bet? Ammo.”
- Yes, why say it with flowers, when you can say it with bullets? It’s the gift that goes straight to someone else’s heart.
- And it’s more important than ever for these heroes to stand up for our rights to bare arms and/or plastic oak bark tunics.
- Cause this is a time for the most important gun right of all: concealed carry, which is guaranteed by our Constitution. Now, yes, you can’t see it written in there. That’s cause it’s concealed.
- So, I was happy to see Georgia’s governor, Nathan Deal, stand up for your right to rock out with your glock not out.
“Georgia’s governor has signed a controversial gun bill into law.” “Starting July 1st, people in Georgia can bring firearms into bars, libraries, churches and even some government buildings.” “It’s official name is the Safe Carry Protection Act, but critics call it the Guns Everywhere Bill.”
- That’s right, critics call it the Guns Everywhere Bill. While supporters call it, “The guns everywhere, Bill!”
- Best of all, folks, you can even pack heat in certain parts of the airport.
Which will finally allow you to defend that one seat with an outlet.
- Because the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. And if everybody has a gun, chances are at least one of them will be good.
Satanic Monument for the Oklahoma State House
- Folks, I don’t have to tell you good people that there is a war on religion in America. The secular humanists will not stop until they take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance, Christ out of Christmas and the Jew out of The 4th of July.
- Christians are even under attack in Oklahoma, where a fiendish plot could go off without a hitch, unlike their executions.
“A Satanic sculpture is almost complete and it could be going outside the Oklahoma State House. Satanists raised money for the sculpture after a monument of the Ten Commandants when up.” “I think this might be just plain evil.”
- It’s a statue of the devil and you think it might be just plain evil? That’s like saying you think the tall guy sitting in the chair in the memorial might be just plain Lincoln.
- Thankfully, Oklahoma’s legislature passed a bill allowing the monument anyway, requiring private funds to pay for the installation.
- Now these Satanists are abusing this loophole. That is so Satanist.
- They used the crowd-funding site, Indiegogo, to raise almost $30,000 using diabolically irresistible rewards. For instance, a $100 donation gets you an official Satanic temple mug and t-shirt, because we all know nothing proclaims your allegiance to the prince of darkness more than a matching mug and t-shirt.
- Worst of all, this Satanic statue is not even of Satan. It’s clearly the Pagan idol, Baphomet, a sabbatic goat deity worshiped by the Knights Templar. I mean, what kind of poser devil worshipers are we dealing with here?
- Joining me now is tonight’s first guest – he who should not be named – please welcome, Satan.
Satan: Sorry I couldn’t be there in person, but the only flight to New York was in coach on United Airlines. I spend enough time in hell, as it is.
Stephen: Now, Satan, you and I rarely see eye to eye on anything, but I understand you don’t like this statue either.
Satan: Pardon my language, Stephen, but this statue is horse-hocky. Oh, sure, everything with a goat’s head must be the devil. That is racist.
Stephen: I didn’t realize you were so sensitive to prejudice.
Satan: Look, just because I am the father of all hatred, doesn’t mean I’m some kind of bigot. I will torture the flesh of any race, creed or color. To paraphrase Dr. King, “I have nightmare.”
Stephen: Now, Mr. Satan, have you spoken to Baphomet about this?
Satan: Yes I have, Stephen. And he is so depressed, he won’t even leave his waterbed filled with the tears of children.
Interview – Bette Midler
Stephen: What would you say to your younger self now, if you could talk to her?
Bette: I would say, “Hang on. It’s gonna be a hell of a ride.” That’s what I’d say.
Stephen: Would she say anything to you? Cause, is it a two-way street? When you recapture that voice by reading about yourself, what do you think she would say to you?
Bette: She would probably say, “I’m tough. I can make it.” And indeed, I did. But I had, you know, people in a career, you have your ups and your downs.
Stephen: I’m not familiar with that.
Bette: Not for you! Not for you. It’s just been straight up for you.
Stephen: It’s just been one rocket ride to heaven the entire time.
Stephen: How long did you do this character of The Divine Miss M?
Bette: I’m still doing it. I showed up here, didn’t I? I have been divine for about – you know, I started out – since I think since 1967. I claimed myself “divine” in 1967 and I’ve never changed my tune.
Stephen: So, you can make an entire career out of playing a character of yourself?
May 6, 2014 – Bette Midler
EPISODE NUMBER: 10100 (May 6, 2014)
GUESTS: Bette Midler
STAFF CAMEO: Matt Lapin
SEGMENTS: Intro – 5/6/14 | Rand Paul’s Derby Date With Rupert Murdoch | NRA Annual Meeting & Guns Everywhere in Georgia | Satanic Monument for the Oklahoma State House | Bette Midler | Sign Off – Nightcap
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | Light Grey Shirt | Grey Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Tuesday, May 6, 2014
Intro – 5/6/14
Rand Paul’s Derby Date With Rupert Murdoch
NRA Annual Meeting & Guns Everywhere in Georgia
The Stalking Shield: They’ll never trust a tree again.
Which will finally allow you to defend that one seat with an outlet.
Satanic Monument for the Oklahoma State House
Satan: Sorry I couldn’t be there in person, but the only flight to New York was in coach on United Airlines. I spend enough time in hell, as it is.
Stephen: Now, Satan, you and I rarely see eye to eye on anything, but I understand you don’t like this statue either.
Satan: Pardon my language, Stephen, but this statue is horse-hocky. Oh, sure, everything with a goat’s head must be the devil. That is racist.
Stephen: I didn’t realize you were so sensitive to prejudice.
Satan: Look, just because I am the father of all hatred, doesn’t mean I’m some kind of bigot. I will torture the flesh of any race, creed or color. To paraphrase Dr. King, “I have nightmare.”
Stephen: Now, Mr. Satan, have you spoken to Baphomet about this?
Satan: Yes I have, Stephen. And he is so depressed, he won’t even leave his waterbed filled with the tears of children.
Interview – Bette Midler
Stephen: What would you say to your younger self now, if you could talk to her?
Bette: I would say, “Hang on. It’s gonna be a hell of a ride.” That’s what I’d say.
Stephen: Would she say anything to you? Cause, is it a two-way street? When you recapture that voice by reading about yourself, what do you think she would say to you?
Bette: She would probably say, “I’m tough. I can make it.” And indeed, I did. But I had, you know, people in a career, you have your ups and your downs.
Stephen: I’m not familiar with that.
Bette: Not for you! Not for you. It’s just been straight up for you.
Stephen: It’s just been one rocket ride to heaven the entire time.
Stephen: How long did you do this character of The Divine Miss M?
Bette: I’m still doing it. I showed up here, didn’t I? I have been divine for about – you know, I started out – since I think since 1967. I claimed myself “divine” in 1967 and I’ve never changed my tune.
Stephen: So, you can make an entire career out of playing a character of yourself?