EPISODE NUMBER: Season 1, Episode 49 (Friday, November 20, 2015)
GUESTS: Michael Caine | Larry Wilmore | Vulpeck | Boots
EXCLUSIVE(S): Vulfpeck – “1612”
SEGMENTS: Monologue | You Won’t Believe What They’re Doing to Your Favorite Sport | Michael Caine | The GOP Candidates Demand Equal Time | Larry Wilmore | Boots – “C.U.R.E”
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | Grey Shirt | Purple Tie
Monologe
Stephen is miffed. As the reigning champion of Lord of the Rings trivia, he is upset that scientists in Brazil, who discovered a new species of spider, named it after a LOTR character, Smeagol. He is having none of it!
- They say they named it Smeagol, because it’s scary looking and lives in caves. Okay. That’s cute.
Stephen goes on a beautiful rant, much of which I don’t understand. Sorry LOTR fans! Basically, Smeagol was changed into Gollum and he is the one who lives in a cave. Naturally, Stephen is adamant that the spider should be named Gollum. Makes sense!
- You don’t discover a venomous snake and name it Anakin. You name is Darth Vader.
You Won’t Believe What They’re Doing To Your Favorite Sport
- I didn’t play a lot of sports when I was younger. In fact, on our first date – and this is a true story – my wife asked me if I play any sports. I said, “I play a fair amount of hacky sack.” And yet she went on a second date with me! That is a keeper!
There is a big controversy in the world of curling.
“For centuries, the essence of curling, as remained the same, but new brooms could change this ancient sport. This week, 22 elite teams announced they refuse to use them.”
- No one saw this coming, because no one watches curling.
- Folks, I’m not alone, because just this week, The World Curling Federation stepped in and banned any brooms using waterproofed fabric and stiffening inserts.
- Now, I agree with that ruling. Though, I’m not 100% sure what “stiffening inserts” do. I’ve been assured I don’t need them.
Interview — Michael Caine
Caine: But there was another line in there [from the movie Youth], when I had to sing with the doctor. He says to me, “How does it feel being old?” And my line in the script was, “I don’t understand how I got here.” And I thought to myself, “Neither do I.”
Colbert: Now you’re a knight. Can the Queen order you to do things now?
Caine: No. […]
Colbert: Does it come with anything good? Do you get a badge to anything like that?
Caine: Yeah, you get a lovely medal.
Colbert: Can you flash it a cops and go, “Everything’s fine, officer.”
Caine: You can’t flash anything at English cops.
November 20, 2015 — Michael Caine, Larry Wilmore, Boots
GUESTS: Michael Caine | Larry Wilmore | Vulpeck | Boots
EXCLUSIVE(S): Vulfpeck – “1612”
SEGMENTS: Monologue | You Won’t Believe What They’re Doing to Your Favorite Sport | Michael Caine | The GOP Candidates Demand Equal Time | Larry Wilmore | Boots – “C.U.R.E”
SUIT REPORT: Blue Suit | Grey Shirt | Purple Tie
Monologe
Stephen is miffed. As the reigning champion of Lord of the Rings trivia, he is upset that scientists in Brazil, who discovered a new species of spider, named it after a LOTR character, Smeagol. He is having none of it!
Stephen goes on a beautiful rant, much of which I don’t understand. Sorry LOTR fans! Basically, Smeagol was changed into Gollum and he is the one who lives in a cave. Naturally, Stephen is adamant that the spider should be named Gollum. Makes sense!
You Won’t Believe What They’re Doing To Your Favorite Sport
There is a big controversy in the world of curling.
Interview — Michael Caine
Caine: But there was another line in there [from the movie Youth], when I had to sing with the doctor. He says to me, “How does it feel being old?” And my line in the script was, “I don’t understand how I got here.” And I thought to myself, “Neither do I.”
Colbert: Now you’re a knight. Can the Queen order you to do things now?
Caine: No. […]
Colbert: Does it come with anything good? Do you get a badge to anything like that?
Caine: Yeah, you get a lovely medal.
Colbert: Can you flash it a cops and go, “Everything’s fine, officer.”
Caine: You can’t flash anything at English cops.