EPISODE NUMBER: 10105 (May 15, 2014)
GUESTS: Thomas Friedman
SEGMENTS: Vladimir Putin’s Space Station Ban | Karl Rove on Hillary Clinton’s Health | Morality Lessons for Robots | Thomas Friedman | Sign Off – Mirror
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Dark Blue Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, May 15, 2014
Vladimir Putin’s Space Station Ban
Putin was playing in a Russia hockey game and was the star of the game, scoring 6 goals. The game was 21-4, with Putin’s team winning. SURPRISE! Didn’t see that coming.
“Putin dazzled the crowd, he was able to score six goals in a single game.”
- The other team would’ve tried to stop Putin, but his games often end in sudden death.
Putin learned to skate six years ago and during that time he often wore his helmet backward. But he really is good, no way the other team is letting him win. No way!
He is also banning the United States from the ISS, due to the sanctions we’ve laid down, after the year 2020.
- Russia, our space boyfriend’s broken up with us. Of course, the worst part of every breakup is cancellng the trip you had planned for six years from now.
- This is so awkward because right now, Russian and American astronauts are up there together. Now it’s going to be all weird, bumpin’ into each other when we need to use the waste vent.
Russian guy and “Slavic Chris Christie”, Dmitry Rogozin, tweeted that the U.S. should deliver our astronauts by trampoline. That didn’t go over too well with Stephen.
- We don’t need a trampoline, we’ll just get into orbit on our new rocket…3…2…1…(raises fist and makes rocket noises)
Houston, we have liftoff.
What Putin didn’t realize is that we have a secret weapon onboard the ISS and it’s the C.O.L.B.E.R.T. treadmill. Stephen gives it the command.
- Attention C.O.L.B.E.R.T. treadmill, activate crisis protocol Alpha Gamma Victor. Transform and deploy plasma cannons to retake the ISS for America. Engage treadmill!
Stephen thought his treadmill was a decepticon, but it disappointed. It just continued normally.
Karl Rove on Hillary Clinton’s Health
- Nation, there’s nothing I like more than a good political rivalry. Bush v Gore, Bush v. Bore (John Kerry)…
Bush v door
Now there’s a good new political rivalry, Karl v Hillary. Last week Karl Rove suggested that Hillary may have brain damage because she fell in 2012, was in the hospital for 30 days and when she emerged she was wearing “glasses that are only worn by people who have suffered traumatic brain injury”.
The media started talking non-stop about it, on Fox News of course, but also MSNBC and they even started talking about how Rove wants the media to talk about it and here they are talking about it.
We’re talking about it and it’s been making news…for the last 24 hours. […] It’s totally fabricated, then he pulls it back, now we’re having this whole segment on it …
(Then why don’t you stop talking about it???? *facepalm*)
- Yeah, everyone in the news is talking about it, even this guy over here. (looks in mirror)
The problem is she wasn’t in the hospital for 30 days, it was 3 days.
- Has Karl Rove lost track of time because he has a serious brain injury? I’m just asking a question.
- He could suffer from a rare condition where the body’s lower intestinal track is re-routed to the cranial cavity, it’s called copro-encephalopathy, or in layman’s terms, sh*t for brains. We don’t know, it’s gonna be an issue. His mouth exhibits all the classic symptoms.
Morality Lessons for Robots
- There is no denying that we live in a glorious age of robots. They fight our wars, they return our bowling balls, they have sex with our vodka.
The U.S. Navy is funding research to teach robots morality.
- It’s about damn time. Those Navy Robots pick up all kinds of diseases during fleet week. They head to Times Square and hook up with the loosest ATM on the street.
Stephen brings out his intern robot, Bleep Blorp, who will not bring Stephen the yogurt he asked for because it’s labeled “Roger’s yogurt”.
Bleep Blorp: I have acquired morality.
Stephen: Well, how’d that happen so fast?
Bleep Blorp: My cousin is a coffee pot at the Pentagon.
What is this thing you humans call love?
When Stephen says he will show Bleep Blorp love he instead pulls out the kill switch. Poor BB.
Interview – Thomas Friedman
Friedman is warning of the dangers of climate change and what may happen if we don’t act.
Thomas: Ice is melting, sea levels are rising, your beach home could be in peril as a result, among many other things.
Stephen: WHAT? I have sunk some cash into my beach house, my friend. It’s beach front.
Thomas: Is it in Ohio? ’cause that could be the beachfront you’ll want in the future.
Stephen: WOW! Okay, you’ve got my attention.
The clip they showed from his series was of a woman and her son in Syria. Their farm was wiped out and the government is not doing anything to help them. The drought in Syria caused many people to move to the cities and since their government didn’t help, they joined in fighting in the revolution.
Then Stephen mentioned what’s going on in California.
Stephen: There was a fire tornado…Is this global warming we’re looking at?
Thomas: I prefer to call it Global Weirding. The weather gets weird. The hots get hotter, the wets get wetter, the dry’s get dryer, you’re going to see some really weird stuff.
Stephen: It’s Mondays at 8pm. I wanna watch it, but I only have a diesel powered television. Do you still want me to watch it?
Thomas: I still want you to watch it.
May 15, 2014 — Thomas Friedman
EPISODE NUMBER: 10105 (May 15, 2014)
GUESTS: Thomas Friedman
SEGMENTS: Vladimir Putin’s Space Station Ban | Karl Rove on Hillary Clinton’s Health | Morality Lessons for Robots | Thomas Friedman | Sign Off – Mirror
SUIT REPORT: Dark Suit | White Shirt | Dark Blue Patterned Tie
VIDEOS: Thursday, May 15, 2014
Vladimir Putin’s Space Station Ban
Putin was playing in a Russia hockey game and was the star of the game, scoring 6 goals. The game was 21-4, with Putin’s team winning. SURPRISE! Didn’t see that coming.
Putin learned to skate six years ago and during that time he often wore his helmet backward. But he really is good, no way the other team is letting him win. No way!
He is also banning the United States from the ISS, due to the sanctions we’ve laid down, after the year 2020.
Russian guy and “Slavic Chris Christie”, Dmitry Rogozin, tweeted that the U.S. should deliver our astronauts by trampoline. That didn’t go over too well with Stephen.
Houston, we have liftoff.
What Putin didn’t realize is that we have a secret weapon onboard the ISS and it’s the C.O.L.B.E.R.T. treadmill. Stephen gives it the command.
Stephen thought his treadmill was a decepticon, but it disappointed. It just continued normally.
Karl Rove on Hillary Clinton’s Health
Bush v door
Now there’s a good new political rivalry, Karl v Hillary. Last week Karl Rove suggested that Hillary may have brain damage because she fell in 2012, was in the hospital for 30 days and when she emerged she was wearing “glasses that are only worn by people who have suffered traumatic brain injury”.
The media started talking non-stop about it, on Fox News of course, but also MSNBC and they even started talking about how Rove wants the media to talk about it and here they are talking about it.
(Then why don’t you stop talking about it???? *facepalm*)
The problem is she wasn’t in the hospital for 30 days, it was 3 days.
Morality Lessons for Robots
The U.S. Navy is funding research to teach robots morality.
Stephen brings out his intern robot, Bleep Blorp, who will not bring Stephen the yogurt he asked for because it’s labeled “Roger’s yogurt”.
Bleep Blorp: I have acquired morality.
Stephen: Well, how’d that happen so fast?
Bleep Blorp: My cousin is a coffee pot at the Pentagon.
What is this thing you humans call love?
When Stephen says he will show Bleep Blorp love he instead pulls out the kill switch. Poor BB.
Interview – Thomas Friedman
Friedman is warning of the dangers of climate change and what may happen if we don’t act.
Thomas: Ice is melting, sea levels are rising, your beach home could be in peril as a result, among many other things.
Stephen: WHAT? I have sunk some cash into my beach house, my friend. It’s beach front.
Thomas: Is it in Ohio? ’cause that could be the beachfront you’ll want in the future.
Stephen: WOW! Okay, you’ve got my attention.
The clip they showed from his series was of a woman and her son in Syria. Their farm was wiped out and the government is not doing anything to help them. The drought in Syria caused many people to move to the cities and since their government didn’t help, they joined in fighting in the revolution.
Then Stephen mentioned what’s going on in California.
Stephen: There was a fire tornado…Is this global warming we’re looking at?
Thomas: I prefer to call it Global Weirding. The weather gets weird. The hots get hotter, the wets get wetter, the dry’s get dryer, you’re going to see some really weird stuff.
Stephen: It’s Mondays at 8pm. I wanna watch it, but I only have a diesel powered television. Do you still want me to watch it?
Thomas: I still want you to watch it.